"Mark Vegas was dreaming of alcohol and easy medics"
-~CattleBruiser~
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| A gay night out in Vanilla city | | | Author: | | | IP: | XXXX | | Date: | 08/09/99 11:08 | | Game Type: | Starcraft | | Labels: | Starcraft(1), Text Only(1) | | Report Rating: , # of Ratings: 2, Max: 7, Min: 7
Lifetime Rating for GayProtoss: 7.3333 |  | Once upon a time a geeky loser with a gay name sat in front of a computer on a very boring planet pondering what he should do with his life at this time of night. It dawned on him to play a game or two of Starcraft of vanilla variety. Our hero (ahem) was not a great player and needed to relax, instead of having his sad little hoop handed to him repeatedly by the Great Old Ones of channel nohunters. So, bottom feeding on a newbie or two sounded like a good idea...
... meanwhile, in a galaxy, far far away ...
The mighty Nexus erected in its phallic beauty warped all the way from Aiur directly onto the hostile plains of Char, in preparation of a full-scale invasion into Zerg territory. The plan was simple - to create a firebase that would withstand early assaults with minimal casualties, while more gates and portals are opened to pour the might of Protoss into the Zerg heartland. The four robotic probes and their shiny, glistering Nexus would be detected sooner or later - the Protoss wouldn't have much time to play out the plan - or so they thought.
... meanwhile, on the same boring planet as the first geek, or more precisely, on the other side of it, likely to be known as Korea, sat another geek in front of the computer.
His record was amazing. It was most certainly an object of much pride and accomplishment with 250+ wins, 50 or so losses and 5 disconnects. He created a game under a name of a lot of funky characters, 1:1 something rather. The map he selected was Ashrigo, the speed setting was fastest, and his race were the Zerg. Then this Protoss guy showed up. Good lucks were exchanged, and the game began. He was the talkative type first 2 minutes, speaking in his native language (and all caps) and probably messing up his build orders while at it. The other guy were mostly quiet, responding sparingly.
... meanwhile ...
The 10th probe is sent to scout. The decision wasn't easy. Although it would alert the Zerg of Protoss presence here on Char, early reconnaissance were needed. It went around immediate area, but the ever correct Protoss psychics weren't on the ball today - the nearest Zerg infestation was in the last place they looked, northeast of the nearby resource-rich island. The Protoss base were located at the northwest, just across a few mountain ridges.
By deduction, first 5 zealot warriors to be warped in were sent in northeastern direction once the scout probe covered 3/4 of the immediate area. The probe arrived first, and reported a massive hoverdrive failure due to 5 sunken colonies it ran into at the natural expansion the Zerg already had under their control. The zealots were held back at the mountain pass into the valley. Protoss Executor felt a psychic disturbance, it were a message from the local Cerebrate. The beast dared him into a full out attack and gloated its superiority against meager Protoss forces.
However, the tactical data were in. Number UC-ME2 didn't perish in vain. Cerebrate's plans for air superiority and early resource advantage were obvious.
Templar archives were about to go online, with resources saved for psionic research to attune the incoming warriors to the planet's biosphere and the local psychic emanations to draw powers from them.
... meanwhile, the geek writing this report coughs, choking on the obnoxious and condescending Star Trek-like b.s. he just came up with...
At this time, the Protoss main colony were quite developed and well defended. Executor ordered buildings to be warped in very close to each other. This would make it hard for large Protoss warriors to come through the local traffic in case of emergency, but would allow easier defense and tighter cannon fire concentration. The mountain pass out of the base weren't defended at all. We were outnumbered and couldn't afford it at the time. Two gateways, technology buildings, 4 cannons surrounded by them, a shield battery, a few dragoons and newly emerged templar stood ready for the assault. But it didn't come.
Earlier, the Executor sent out a probe and a zealot to claim another expansion site, at the south-east. Cannons, pylons and gateway came in first, but while the second Nexus was still in early recall status, the expansion went under attack. No 6 or 8, but at least 12 flying monstrosities made short work of the few cannons and began tearing buildings down. Cancelling as many projects as he could, Executor ordered the probe to retreat and hide nearby. The zealot, acting of his own accord, showed an examplary case of common sense and ran off behind the minerals where he was left alone. He was promoted into high templar ranks after the battle; this had nothing to do with him being the Executor's nephew.
After the Zerg left the site, the unphased and unimpressed probe went back to work, starting on pylons, gateway and cannons as out of the way as it possibly could, behind the gas geiser. It would go on to claim the rest of the expansion and start a nexus only after no less than two high templar were at the site, and 5 cannons were complete in the back.
Before that happened, two important events took place. The three zealots left near the Zerg base were caught with their pants down by the same wing of mutalisks. This event has been suppressed in the Executor's report to the Conclave due to the activities they were performing in the line of duty.
The other event took place a minute later. A single doggy-like creature ran into the Protoss main base with amazing speed. It failed to dodge cannon fire, although it made it very far in.
This caused the Executor to reevaluate the situation and his enemy. The scout had shown evolved speed; a land attack may have been planned.
The 6-7 high templar in the base had to draw straws (a ritual adopted from Jim Raynor's "Kenny the Scout" tactic) to merge into an archon. One of the selected 'volunteers' disagreed with High Command and decided to pretend getting lost in base's corridors. A zealot were sent to kick him into submission, then into his twin-to-be for the merge itself.
Shortly thereafter, the swarm charged into the base. Zerglings - at least twenty of them ran into the buildings, trickling down in between to get to the cannons, while just as many mutalisks came in over the nexus to take a couple pylons out. The joint attack was blanketed with stormy weather - very unlike rather dry and hot climat of Char. The archon and the surviving dragoons were assigned to the clean up duty. It took a lot of hosing to get the squishy warm goo out of the base. When the smoke - and guts - cleared, the Executor saw that his base is now without cannons. Two more archons were made, cannons rebuilt, and one stargate started. A dozen probes were sent to the other base which was about to have its nexus online, while the first one's resources are slowly but surely drying up.
After a short breathing room period, another regimen of critters hit the main base, this time it was just zerglings. They've killed a few cannons, one archon, but failed again.
The next attack would come into the rebuilt expansion, when the Zerg Cerebrate discovered a pylon within his spy's line of sight (or so believes the Executor). 6 or 7 mutalisks certainly didn't expect the cannons and the templar in the back. Reinforced with an archon, more cannons, and more probes, the expansion took off and picked up speed in no time. The attacks there stopped, because the Executor, having 4 gateways producing non-stop and still in the black, ordered another expansion, in the last unoccupied corner of the battlefield, now claiming control to 3 out of four of them.
The new expansion would be difficult to reach by the Zerg, who now would have to travel all the way across; although, Protoss took all the precautions. Two probes sent there started one pylon each, then surrounded them by cannons, nine in all. Two templars and an archon had orders to get there by land. It took them a while.
Unfortunately, they didn't make it in time for the first all-zergling attack. Fortunately, cannon placement and the long trip time saved the day. The little doggies rushed up and into the base's plateau only to be caught in cannon crossfire. They would run back and forth between the two cannon groups, trying to decide which to attack first, while plasma charges did their dirty deeds. Protoss had lost one cannon in all. Both probes remained unscathed, warping in a few more cannons, a nexus and a gateway. Shield batteries, more templar and archons were to follow.
Uneasy silence coated the scorched battlefield. The brooding Zerg was perhaps reevaluating its failures, Protoss was growing stronger with each assault. The weapons systems were being researched, to accomodate for the local resources and metal quality. A small, but growing number of scout ships came out of our two stargates, and a couple shuttles were summoned with the help of a newly made robotics facility. At this time, using 4 scouts, a dragoon and a templar, the Protoss had the audacity to colonize the island.
Throughout the events of this battle, Zerg were uncontested on land, except for the three major resource nodes, where the Protoss mounted tight defenses against their invasions. The island was unoccupied, for the Protoss kept one of their first scouts (which came from the stargate at their main base, right around the time of first attacks).
The new expansion was hardly defended, with 3 out of its four cannons still in warp somewhere in the hard vacuum of space between Aiur and this forsaken wasteland. A cryptic psionic message reached Executor's conscience once again.
"you die now" was what the Cerebrate had to say.
Yet, moments before it, the Scouts in the middle fired a couple volleys at the bypassing airfleet. Mutalisks, mutalisks, and more mutalisks were heading slightly south of the island, on a collision course with the latest of Protoss expansions behind the isle. Strangely, the scouts were ignored, and prudently remained holding their position instead of chasing the foe outnumbering them 15-20 to one.
The Executor wasn't surprised, nor was he impressed. The base command had his full attention when the brown swarm hit the fan of cannon fire.
The four templar and two archons stationed there saw the horizon, then the skies fill with juicy brown scales and flapping wings. The Zerg's first objective was the pylon that powered one of the cannon clusters. The Protoss commander saw the base design fault when all six cannons went offline half-way through the reloading cycle, but only after the dust of the fight settled. Quickly and efficiently, clouds erupted with lightnings, three times in all, showering attackers with wraith of major hangover the templars have been having from this disgusting green local gas. An archon bodyguard spread its arms to cover its brethren, and it took the blunt of return fire.
When the storm clouds parted, the archon hero had not one bit of shields left, yet the red rain had washed over him and now powerless cannons, to be the fireworks of imminent victory.
... to be the fireworks of the imminent victory. A probe is sent to re...
... A probe is sent to rep...
... A probe is sent to replace the ...
... A probe is sent to replace the pylon ...
... the pylon, and make a couple ...
... make a couple extra ones.
... meanwhile, back on Earth, one geek is trying to type 'no dis' while the other one seems to be intent on lagging out of the game. Which he eventually did, and got a sixth dis on that cute record of his.
LESSONS LEARNED:
- Psi storm is psi storm, even on fastest.
- Use spellcasters, dummy.
- Send two probes scouting. Get there early.
- Use 'continue playing' to see what the other guy did.
Here's what I've found:
* A hatchery and five colonies on high ground outside of my second base. Trying to contain?
* Two dozen zerglings outside of my third base.
* One expansion to mineral-only site next to his natural. So much for map control.
* Three mutalisks guarding the expansion site between our main bases.
* An overlord near all my bases except the island. |
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