Introduction - It is the Tradition

You know what I want? I want a three for this BR. Why? Because It deserves a 1 (I broke all the rules, this is a bad game, chobo players, bad writing, no pics), but I like feeling good about myself. That said, on with the game.

The Lousy Game of StarCraft

Preparation for the Lousy Game

So I've been trying to play StarCraft again, see? And I have gotten into a habit of playing random, as my zerg isn't any worse than my terran any more, and I get tired of playing just protoss.

So I join a 1:1 newbs only LT game, figuring that if it's some guy smurfing I'll at least get some experience, and if it really is a newb I can kill him and get myself a third win on my IllianDemon account. I keep getting new accounts (four so far), because a 1:17 w:l ratio is a bad thing, especially when you only play pubbie games, and I invariably end up with about that sort of record.

My opponent is foolycooly[DS] (I think I got the clan tag right), and is, as it turns out, actually a newbie. We chat for a while and agree to ally at end because he says he's sure to get run over, then start the game. I went random, he selected zerg.

I start with a Lousy Build Order My random red CC lands at 12, I clone my SCVs (badly), start another SCV, hotkey my CC to 0, and set the rally point to a mineral patch. I know some tricks, and execute them, though poorly, as often as possible. When I get another 50 (well, 56) minerals, I qeue (how do you spell that word?) up another SCV. After #5 pops out and is set to mining, I switch my rally point to a point a bit in front of my minerals.

When #6 comes out and wanders dutifully over to its seemingly random spot, I am forced to wait about 10 seconds (I miscalculated times) before starting a barracks.

Yes, a barracks. On 6. I know it's stupid. But if I'm screwed no matter what I try, I might as well be able to blame it on my build order, no?

After that, the BO runs as follows: I get my 7th and 8th SCVs, and start to rack up the minerals. 9th SCV starts a refinery. When the barracks is finished, I start a marine, and a supply depot ASAP. This takes me so darn long, due to my slowness and the stupidity of the build order, that I assume I'm dead.

I continue with Lousy Tactics

The supply depot finishes, I now have one marine built, and get an SCV and another marine building as soon as possible. One SCV is on gas, and seven on minerals. This is an official Noo Economy situation. The one marine is sent on the grand tour. I am expecting to run into lings right at the bottom of my ramp, but they're not there.

Since the marine is still alive, I send him scouting straight across the map, and find a zerg with one hatchery, one spawning pool, two overlords, and three eggs. I forgot to count the drones. No doubt these are the zerglings I was expecting. My opponent is now officially a newbie.

At home, I've started a third marine, an academy, and another supply depot, and built some more SCVs. Knowing I have superiority, I start shooting at the drones, and kill one before the lings pop out of the eggs. At this point I get lazy and decide not to waste my marine taking down one ling, so I start to run away.

Hilariously Lousy Antics of two Newbs

He says ally up and share vision. I, being a moron, do so. He promptly kills my marine, which I had decided to keep in his base since we were supposed to be allying. Before it died, I saw a creep colony beginning to morph.

I get annoyed, un-ally, but leave shared vision on. He must see his death coming. His death is my laughable force of 3-4 marines, 2 firebats, and two medics. kekeke. I am now high enough on resources that I start a second barracks and a factory at the same time (I macro horribly). The barracks meant business, the factory was just for looks.

My Doom Squad hits his main to find his now 8 lings still loitering by the ramp. These are promptly toasted. Somehow, I lost one unit - a medic. I begin to take down the sunken, and lose a marine. Then *he* actually allies. I rip down the sunken and he says, "what are you doing, you allied?" "No."

So I ally again, his lings hatch (only four this time), and he unallys. After I unally again and slaughter them (I lost a bat this time, 'dangit), and start on the pool, he allies again, and I ally. Victory, whooo. If he had continued fighting, I would have just removed my fighting units and killed him with SCVs.


This battlereport has been a PeaceableGhost Production - almost always rated PG.

Brought to you by the Society for the Encouragement of the Overuse of the Word "Lousy".

Thank you for wasting your time.