"Going all scouts didn't work out. Go fig."
-Bob_the_Newt
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| VemPted strikes back ...and this *TIME* it is better! | | | Author: | | | IP: | h0010b59XXXX | | Date: | 11/22/02 03:11 | | Game Type: | Warcraft 3 | | Labels: | none | | Report Rating: , # of Ratings: 1, Max: 6, Min: 6
Lifetime Rating for VemPted: 6.0000 |  |
INTRODUCTION
Greetings, friends. If you didn't catch the subtle hint in the title screen because you're too stupid or something, I am TIME IS NOT ON YOUR SIDE!!!!*insert horror music* I have recently learned how to insert a colored backround. So I guess my reports will look a little more sexy then usual.
And yes, TIME is not on YOUR SIDE also wrote "The Tree of Life and the Farm".
Anyway, this "report" is a little of both worlds. You have the battlereport world, and the FANFICTION WORLD! Its a little mixture of both! So everybody's happy! For those of you heartless fools who don't like fanfiction AT ALL you can skip it, for I shall clearly label the fanfiction parts.
Also, before I begin I should tell you this is a one-sided battlereport. No, I don't mean this is a battlereport on a boring game of an expert bashing a newbie. I mean that you will hear only about what the undead player knows, not the human. I like these kinds of reports alot better than others, but some people hate them so whatever.
Now, without further adu, (no, I do not know how to spell that word but you can sound it out) here is the amazing original report/fanfiction! Here we go biznatches! Get ready to blow your mind!
Uh oh, TIME's starting out with fanfiction! Duck and cover!
"The acolytes are now harvesting gold, and they have summoned a crypt and an alter, sir!" The undead servant told the horrifying death knight.
"Excellent, when can I come out and start slaughtering the living that I hate so much?" The angry death knight replied.
"Well, for some reason we have to 'train' you in the alter. I know it sounds stupid, but that's the way it goes."
"Damn these pointless rules! I blame the democrats. How dare they not want to be ruled by one extremely powerful person?"
Not knowing what the hell a democrat is, the servant continued, "Yes...well there is still the matter of the pesky humans which we must slaughter in order to claim this land for ourselves."
"Ya, ya, ya. I remember those fools. I used to be one of them, ugh, it chills me to the bone how ignorant I was back then. I just want to strangle the life out of every living thing on this planet, especially humans! Now I'm off to the alter to be 'trained', so to speak."
"Very good, sir."
Thank god that's over, huh? Before we go on, I should point out that the undead is in the middle left starting point of lost temple. Here come's the battlereport:
The undead player summoned two ziggs and and a graveyard. The death knight was out and went to kill the 3 weak gnolls at the opening of the temple with his fellow 2 ghouls.
The rally point was set on the death knight, and once he had enough money, a halls of the dead began to be born. The ghoul army was rising as the undead player went to murder those trolls in the top left corner of the temple. ***FREE EXP KEKE***
The army was growing rapidly, and a second crypt was being built. The death knight and his undead warriors quickly moved down to the bottom right part of the temple where they see...
Fanfiction TIME, boys!
"Evil Lord! Its an archmage and 6 footmen!" The death knight proclaimed, "Let us attack them, men!"
A fearful footman exclaimed, "Its the undead! Fight for your lives!"
"Damn straight its the undead! How dare you try to steal our ***FREE EXP KEKE***?!" A ghoul asked as he clawed one of the humans. "None shall survive."
"Cut that shit out, ghoul! You're not one of those homosexual demon hunters! But these humans will die. They will die slowly. And Painfully."
"I don't like your tone, death knight!" *horse neighs*The elderly archmage said unto thee, "This is our ***FREE EXP KEKE*** and you are not getting it!"
"What the hell, you're not my father, bitch!"
"Well actually, I am."
"Oh, well...um...die anyway!"
"Very well, foolish death knight! En garde! Tuche!"
"Oh, that is so cliche." The death knight said as he wound up a death coil.
*battlemusic roars*
Back to the battlereport:
The undead and human army engage in a huge battle royal. The death knight coiled the archmage while the mage cast waves of blizzard on the foolish ghouls. The scourge commander got the ghouls out of the blizzard AoE but not without taking serious damage first.
The footmen got free hits on the moving ghouls, and 3 ghouls died. Outnumbered and hungry, the death knight had to retreat in embarrassment.
A lich was brought out of the alter and a temple of the damned was being summoned. The undead player was massing mad ghouls that now had 1-1 upgrades, researching lvl 2 weapons now. The scourge cleared the top left expo and decided to expand there, with the usual necropolis and haunted gold mine.
The scourge, now consisting of about 12 ghouls, a death knight and a lich, moved down to the next creeping station, the local goblin shoppe. The foolish creeps were killed with little difficulty, and they moved down to kill the other creeps at the bottom left.
Five fresh acolytes began harvesting from the haunted gold mine expo, and the second halls of the dead was being made. A Black citedal and necro adept training was being researched as well.
The scourge commander thought it was about time to make an attack move. They moved over to the laboratory which was cleared by an unknown force and used the handy dandy reveal to scout the map. They discovered the human was bottom middle, already with an expo and 2 towers at their natural! They decided it was time for a little blood...or fire...whatever.
Fanfiction...giddyup.
"Alright ghouls, we both know what's going to happen, and I'm not going to sugar coat it," The death knight began, "We are making our first offensive move on the enemy, and some of you will die. I'm sorry but my death coil just isn't fast enough to get to all of you, and I'll be damned if I'm going to put any micromanagement into this at all, so if you die, that's it."
"I concur with the death knight, ghouls. Be prepared to die again." The Lich supported the death knight with his little prep talk. "Now lets kick some living ass!"
The army of scourge walked towards the human town, and all the scourge had high hopes. To kill the anxiousness, they sang.
"The scourge are great!
The scourge are fun!
The scourge are great and nice and fun--"
"Will you stupid ghouls shut the hell up?? I'm trying to repeatably hit this guard tower which can't be any more than twice the size of me with this sword over and over again until it somehow explodes for no apparent reason!" And at that cocky remark, the death knight and his brethren heard a loud teleporting sound and...you guessed it...it was an army of 4 gryphon riders, a MK, an archmage, and 6 footies and 2 priests! *dun dun DUN!*
Back to the battlereport because it is hard as hell to describe a battle in fanfiction style:
Honestly, what the hell do you think happened? The army of 16 ghouls and 2 heroes got absolutely owned by blizzard, thunder clap, gryphons and inner fire. Did you think the ghouls jumped into the air and killed the gryphons or something? Before he could TP out, the deathknight himself died. The only thing left was a lich and 2 ghouls.
And now, the tragic tale of the lich...fanfiction style:
"Oh it was awful, ghoul corpses EVERYWHERE! Not an undead thing was alive, I couldn't do anything!" The poor lich told the acolytes, who layed him down and put a warm cloth on his forhead.
"You poor thing, master." The acolyte sucked up.
"Put a sock in it, acolyte. Anyway, I did all that I could, and even the mighty death knight died! And then, a hammer flew at my head! And then I used my scroll of town portal to get the hell out of there."
"Well the deathknights being revived and we are currently making gargoyles to counter the air units and--" A ghoul came over and interrupted the acolyte.
"Our expansion is under seige! Not even the fortified halls of the dead can hold these people at bay!"
"Damn it, do these humans ever sleep? I hope you made lots of meat wagons and abominations!"
*confused look at the lich*
"I mean master necros and gargoyles of course..."
The seemingly hopeless battle in battlereport form:
The huge human army was FFing the halls of the dead, while the 5 nearby acolytes helplessly tried to restore it. Of course he eventually killed the acolytes and the halls of the dead was destroyed. And so did the hopes of the scourge's victory...or was it?
*triumphant music plays*
The lich and 5 necros and 8 gargies come down from the ramp and attack the foolish human army, consisting of a lvl 3 MK and lvl 5 archmage, as well has 4 footmen and 8 gryphons and 5 master priests. The death knight revived and was on his way to the battle field.
The scourge nova'ed and crippled and focus fired with the gargoyles and evenatually starting using the coil. Skeletons emerged everywhere...but the cripple and skeletons were instantly dispelled. Damn you priests...
Well obviously the humans won that battle, despite the insane micro on the scourge's part. They retreated in a helpless fashion.
Fanfiction again, don't worry guys this is the last one!
"What the hell was that shiznit?!" The death knight wailed, "We out microed the shit out of that biatch, and yet he still won? Whuddafuxxor?"
*sniff, the lich wipes some tears from his skull*"I did better in that battle than I did EVER, oowahahahaha"*runs away crying*
"The humans are obviously overpowered!"
"Agreed." A recently summoned dreadlord told the death knight. "But don't worry, with us three heroes combined, we can easily take on those overpowered underpriced extremely homosexual humans! What say you, undead warriors?"
"Come on lich, we can do it, we have triple hero power!" The death knight told the lich.
After a good cry, the lich comes over and puts his hand in the middle of all 3 heroes.
"Satan bless the scourge, on three!" The dreadlord said.
"Saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaatan bless the scourge!"
"Now let's go kick some human ass!"
"Ya, lets make the humans pay!" Yelled the 1-1 upgraded gargs.
"They'll all be mine, in the end!" Said the master necromancers triumphantly.
"Must feed!" Said the ghouls...
And the humans soon came to finish them off...*dun dun DUN*
The final battle, who will win? Who will become the champion and supreme owner of the lost temple? Battlereport now, people.
The lich used lvl 2 nova, the death knight cast lvl 2 coil on the heroes, and dreadlord casted lvl 1 carrion swarm as many times as he could. gargs hit air units, necros summoned skeletons and crippled gryphons while ghouls smashed and clashed.
Priest dispeled everything, gryphons focused fired the gargs, MK storm bolted the DK and they all focused and killed him while blizzard from the death knights father just totally finished everything off...The 6 ghouls were no match for the awesome thunder clap and pretty soon every undead unit and hero was dead...it is really kind of depressing.
The undead surrendered and left, which just goes to show you:
-Undead triple hero is not invincible.
-Tis better to creep and attack rather than sit at home base and pretend to have funny conversations with your units and heroes.
-Time is a good battlereporter when he really wants to be.
Thank you for your time and attention, I hope you enjoyed this shiznit. I sure enjoyed writing it. See you later dudes.
This has been:
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