"isn't exodus a drug addicted high school dropout turned korean and former sex offender?"
-Persian
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| To Train a Newbie, Lesson 1, Boot Camp | | | Author: | | | IP: | user-2inXXXX | | Date: | 03/09/01 03:03 | | Game Type: | Starcraft | | Labels: | none | | Report Rating: , # of Ratings: 1, Max: 2, Min: 2
Lifetime Rating for +Mep+: 4.6667 |  | To train a newbie:
Badest1 vs.
Unidentified_Creature
After reading Drefsab's series on "To kill a newbie," I decided to write a documentary on "To train a newbie." To assist me in this indever I needed, of course, a newbie. After scoping the possiblities, I finally found one worthy of my training. I thought about my best friend. I thought about my grandmother. I thought about my father. I thought about Brittany Spears in a two-piece. I thought about a lot of things. And finally I decided on a perfect specimen, who's name and relation will not be released for fear of public humiliation and harrassment, will just go by "Badest1, his screenname." And so, without further ado, I bring you-
To Train a Newbie: Level 1 Boot Camp.
At the start of this mission, our newbie Badest1 found himself in control of a big thingy, a robot thingy, a bunch of little guys, and a square thingy with rolly things on it. "The T280 SCV is the cornerstone of our hostile enviornment and mining operations," came a voice over our newbie's speakers. As he gazed into the 14 inch monitor, with me hanging over his shoulder, squinted trying to decipher the tiny little spots on the screen.
"Roger that," came the sound of a little hick on rollers.
Seeing the obvious confusion in our newbie's eyes I decided I should take the reins.
"Ok," I started,"click your SCV."
"Whats and SCP?"
"The little guy on rollers, the thing that the green ring just highlighed."
"Oh, ok," he replied.
So after watching him repeatedly click with absoulutly no avail, I checked to see what was wrong. He was right clicking. Duh.
"Ok, you have to left click the SCV."
"Oh, ok."
So, Badest1 clicked the SCV with the right, errrr left, button, which was the button he was supposed to click, making it the right button. Make sence of that.
"Ok, see the pictures in the lower-right corner? Those are the commands. They are what you can tell your SCV to do. Now click the gather button."
After watching him hover over each button trying to read the tiny words that popped up.
"Ok, so the one that says gather right?"
"Yep, that one. Now left-click the minerals, the blue things to the left.
"What's he doing?? What is he doing to the blue stuff? Looks like he's welding it....?" Are newbie was quite confused now....boy this was gonna be a long night.
"He's mineing the minerals. See in the upper right corner next to the blue stuff how the numbers are going up. Your money is going up because your mining more minerals."
"K."
After hearing the robo-chick thing tell him that he can create additional SCVs at a Command Center, he once again stared at the screen blankly.
"Ok, see the big thing that the green ring blinked on, click that."
"K."
"Now, see how you have the commands down there again? Click the one that says 'Build SCV,' there you go, now you see that bar in the middle, it means that the SCV is building. Once it's done it will pop up outside. See how the picture looks like that little guy on the screen? That means they are the same unit."
"K."
"You have no clue what any of that meant did you?"
"Notta one."
As you can see, this was gonna take time.
Now, the robo-chick/helper told him that he needed additional Supply Depots. Now I get to teach him to build buildings. Great.
"Ok. Click an SCV. Good. Now look for the build structure button. Great. Now click build Supply Depot. Wonderful. Now, click somewhere on the screen, notice how that picture looks just like your other Supply Depot? No, no, no, not right click left click. Ok, yay!"
Ok, so now he built a second Supply Depot. My hell was almost over. Only one more Supply Depot and a Refinery done.
So, our newbie joyfully watched his two SCV's mine minerals and upon my test of his knowledge, {me suggesting he build more then one SCV} he realized that it would indeed be a good idea to produce more dudes on rollers.
And as much as watching all this joyed me to new heights, I decided to help him hurry this all along. I told him to build a 3rd Supply Depot. 
In a drunken attempt to build a Supply Depot, his SCV ran, or rolled, up to it and did.....................absolutly nothing. That's right folks, in an attempt to build another Supply Depot Badest1 right clicked on the nearest Supply Depot after selecting his SCV.
So, now after I instructed him of the proper why to build things, he got it done. Next came the task of building a refinery, which really didn't involve any really exciting happenings. And so ends the first installment of the "How to Train a Newbie" series. If this gets a good responce I will continue with the daring next level-Wasteland. Please post any flames/comments/cheers/cow pictures so that I know whether or not this sucks, but do take it easy, as it is my first battle report and my html is extremely weak.
One last thing. This is in no way an insult to Badest1. It's actually a reminder. We were all newbies at one point. When people go into games with newbies and insult them repeatedly they should remember that we were all newbies at one point. Don't you all remember asking what those numbers by your name were? I do. So this battle report goes out to all you newbies out there, good luck.
Good hunting,
+Mep+
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