"Wang micros like a drunken goose"
-Satan'sCookies
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| Paintball with Army Recruiters | | | Author: | | | IP: | bgm-24-9XXXX | | Date: | 08/20/00 10:08 | | Game Type: | Other | | Labels: | none | | Report Rating: , # of Ratings: 2, Max: 7, Min: 7
Lifetime Rating for SlingsNArrows: 6.2000 |  | Ok, I'm just writing this up over the next hour because I thought it was damn funny. I don't have any pics. I don't have any maps. Not that it really matters because the fields were too large for any one player to cover, and the only perspective you've got it mine.... So you don't need to know what the rest of the field looks like! :o)
As for the raters, I'm requesting 4's for this. It's gonna have grammar, spelling, and plain old stupidity errors galore, it's got no pics, and you'll probably be pissed that I made you read about Paint Ball... but you are my captive audience raters, so Muahahahahahahah.
Ok, this all starts off at my house. Corporal Trotta has been trying to get me to enlist in the army's language/intelligence program for about 2 months now. He gave me a call on Thursday and said, "Hey, you wanna come paintballing? Your friends are all going." And so I did.
After an hour's ride up to Pine Hills paintball I stepped out, wearing my green sweatshirt and black shorts. Everyone else had full camo on, I was the only kid that didn't wanna wear Seargent Gleason's smelly BDU's. ( I think a BDU is what infantry wear in the field) There were 3 distinct groups in the crowd.
1. Army men and their would be recruits dressed in military camo, toting a mixture of rental weapons and cheap personal paintball guns. They were bragging about stuff like Panama, Airborne school, helping to train new Rangers in grappling, etc.
2. Hardcore paintballers. They owned guns with scopes, and some that looked suspiciously like little paint ball uziis. They either wore hunter camo or specially padded paintball camo. They ranged in age from 8 to 65 and they had some damned hot girls in their number. ( not that any could compare to Col of course)
3. Me, one other girl, and a random guy. We wore the darkest/greenest street clothes we could find since unlike most people we didn't own a shred of camo. We had rentals, but didn't by any defogging spray for our masks, and we generally were the coolest people there even though it was clear that we were fresh meat to the vets.
Teams were formed, groups 1 and 3 were combined to form a team, and group 2 formed another team on its own. Then we put our masks on and moved into the forest. One particularly badass soldier man who everyone just called "Boss" grouped us into little mini units. I was teamed with a kid in military camo who hadn't included his glasses under his mask.
The scenario was this, each team had a flag. One teams (the hardcore's) flag was on top of a large hill. Our was basically at the bottom of the hill. Each team starts at their flag and when the horn sounds you unsafety your gun and do whatever you want.
Well, not whatever you want, because I wanted to try and circle the hill and come up other side. But, I was in the army for the day and my orders were to cover as much uphill ground as I could as soon as the horn sounded and not to take cover until I started taking fire.
Problem with this? I spent a lot of time running up hills in forests as a kid, as so I'm really good at it. I was happily vaulting piles of sticks ( aka "bunkers") before I realized that I was in the vanguard of our group, and that I was with 2 other kids and 2 army guys. The rest were far behind because they hadn't listened to their orders.
Right about then we realized something, the hardcores have scopes and semi-automatics. And we don't. What do you do with a good paintball gun and its scope? You snipe. And snipe they did. my partner had stuck with me, he was a good soldier. Was is the correct term because he quickly took some paint in the mask. One ranger got hit too.
Ok, so that must be fire, so then we take cover. Oops, where's the cover? The other ranger had been using the kids as a sort of shield I think, and had seen the paintball take my friend through the facemask. He grabbed a bunker. The only bunker. What's left? I grabbed a tree. A very skinny tree, and the other kid dived into the dirt... but when they are shooting down at you... well... just being flat isn't good enough, and he got stitched up with two or three shots, then, since I was wider than my tree, I took a hit in the leg and that's the end of my first game. As far as I could tell, our team fought a delaying action down the hill and held our around our flag until the 12 minute game finished. There were no winners.
Then I heard a word that made my ears perk up. Somebody said "Medic"! Yes, Medic. A special game of paintball where one person on your team has a towel and can wipe the paint off you and let you get back into the game. Our medic hailed from group 3, she was the girl in street clothes. We moved out onto a new field, same teams. this time each team still had a flag, but there was a tower at either end of a roped off playing field. The towers were full of slots to shoot from and they overlooked the flags. In between the towers was basically hell... Dense forest, stick bunkers, crates large enough for people to get in, wooden lean-twos, streams with pontoon bridges over them that offered Zero cover.
by the way, if anyone fro mthe opposing team touches your tower then everyone in it is out. If you lose your medic, you can't heal people anymore.
We all grouped around our towers, the horn blew, and I sprinted across a bridge to my right. I cleared it, moved up the right side running hard. This time I had almost nobody around me except my partner. When I made it slightly past halfway across the field I rolled into a ditch and peaked up. The army guys were covering more ground, storming a few positions of one or two enemy gunners. It looked kinda like zerglings jumping a few marines before the tanks and lurkers catch up to the battle, you know?
Ok, so army guys on my left, partner with me, that leaves.. what? the RIGHT! I check my right and happily nobody is there. I resolve to stay parallel to the army guys and hold their right flank. ( probably dumb when I could've been flanking, but I was winded by now and after that run my fasce mask had started to fog up. On a happy note my partner had included his glasses finally.)
Then someting bad happened. One of those guns that looked like an uzi... basically was an uzi. It, with about 2 riflemen to support it, was keeping everyone in the center pinned down. All the army recruits were busily trying to slink from cover to cover and prove how safe they were in combat... unfortunately that takes forever and they were way the hell back behind us and of no use. I hear yells from the left flank, it seems that if so little has us pinned down in the center, and there is nothing on the right.. they must all be on the left? eeesh, we're all strung out over the field and they are moving as one large unit... hmm... now there is a bridge that leads fro mthe left side of the field to our flag. Our tower can reach it with fire, so I wasn't too worried about losing the flag yet. I was worried that they would cut off and hope of troops who get healed by the MEDIC getting to the front.
hmmm... time to see what they left at home.. I sidle further to the right, get on the right side of a ridge so their center forces can't hit me. My partner and I are leap frogging from tree to tree when we come into view of a bunker. 3 rental rifles are holding this bunker, but it doesn't matte really, cause we have rentals too and so we all have the same range. there are peep holes for them to shoot from and very little cover for us within range of our guns... hmmm...
Time to cut into the center, maybe we can catch some people from behind. What's this? there's nobody here either. Good god, they're almost all on the left! We catch a bunker of two guys from behind, pop them both in the backs.
"pop pop pop"
"dude, wtf? you're too close to shoot!"
"pop pop"
"WE'RE DEAD!"
"pop, heheheh"
My first kill... hell my first shot that was suppressant fire. I was a tad out of control. The noise attracted attention though in the form of what actually seemed to be a patrol. Did they organize patrols with set routes? I actually think they did. three more riflemen, 2 rentals and a long range dealie come on us firing. My partner takes a hit from the ranged fella, but the rentals aren't accurate and so I take cover and scoot from the center to the left like a coward.
I continue my forward movement, I figure there might be some other people who snuck up with me and perhaps we could do some sort of my dash for the flag. If nothing else that'll force them to pull back from their offensive some, right?
Right about now I hear "AFIX BAYONETTES!" screamed from the center position where I left the army guys stalemated against the riflemen and the uzi dude. I then notice the uzi dude headed back towards his tower and medic, he too ka neck shot.
I heard the story later, the army guys got the uzi man finally, and then ran outta ammo. ( they've been trading fire all this time)So, like the hardasses they are they split up and rushed the bunker and commandeered paintball guns by force. The ref screamed "No hand to hand, no hand to hand" but she was a 12 year old girl and nobody really cared. The riflemen (several eldery gentlemen who had previously been in the army) thought it was funny that they were shot by their own guns, and allowed their paint to be confiscated before they were sent back to their medic with their guns. The army guys advance, engage a patrol and win without losses I believe. Then two of them begin to snipe at the enemy tower from cover across the the steam. I notice the tower guards are distracted, although one still watches the bridges. I start running, aiming for a thin part of the stream that I can probably vault. Just as I hit full speed
"THWAP THWAP giggle"
yup, a pair of girls hit me, they had been working around behind the army guys, but took the time to give me a neck and groin shot. Not funny... stop giggling. Whores...
I trudge all the way back to my tower holding up my don't shoot me sign and only get hit around 15 more times anyways... the medic has a long long line. "Boss" has gotten the camokids together and is directing them in an action to force back the advance on the left. This action is only working because we are so close to our medic and they have to walk... well, it took me 5 minutes to walk it.
Anyways, I get to the medic and she begings toweling my head down, and my neck, and laughing and asking questions. They she does my back, find a paint mark under my armpit, and then she stares at the groin shot and bursts into hysterical laughter. Medics ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO LAUGH. I snatch the towel away and wipe that one off and then it's back to the war for me. I get shot in various places, kill a few more people,my mask is now fogged beyond belief so I can't make out camo sitting still in the trees anymore, the match ends after half an hour with no winner.
My friends finally arrive now, in their hunter's camo and with their hardcore guns. They used to be fat before they did paintball... not they are pretty damn athletic. I pant and sweat as I consider that fact.
Back out onto the field. Same flag game all over again, this time you just need to get to your flag and wipe yourself off, no medic. That means, yet.. A MEDIC HAS PICKED UP A GUN! The blonde bomb ( as she actually called herself) is on a rampage.
1.There will be no sexest jokes.
2.My gun is better than yours so don't think about giving me orders.
3.My brothers/friends are on that other team, therefore I refuse to lose to them.
4.You ::points to me:: are my partner and if I don't like how you play then ::points again:: you will be shot by friendly fire.
She actually did shoot me when I made a blonde joke before the game... little whore. grrrr...
Basically we were in a camp ground type atmosphere for this match. the occasional building, logs, overturned old boats, etc. We leapfrogged up the field, seized a building, held it for a good long while fro mthe second floor, then realized everyone on the first floor was dead. We leapfrogged backwards, and did really good. I placed her in the wrong group, she shoulda been with the hardcores, I guess camo just didn't go with her eyes.
anyways, we got pushed farther and farther back, and none of our team had full hoppers when the match started so... we were all running out of ammo. Then the refs called that anyone who was out of ammo had to get off the field. ( she didn't want the army guys to try to seize guns again I guess)
Well, the hardcores all had belt mounted sacks for extra hoppers of ammo. None of them left except maybe the uzi fella cause I stopped hearing it after a while. He probably just switched to single shot so he wouldn't run out.
ya, 5 minutes left, and we're holding them... about 100 feet from our flag. 4 minutes... more like 60 feet. Last three minutes there were three of us, I checked, I had 10 balls left. My partner had 60 left, she carried a little refill tube I guess and filled her hopper. 2 inner city kids were with us.
3 minutes, ya, we were at cover BEHIND our flag now, just shooting anyone that tried to get to it. My partner have me 20 more balls when I ran out. We couldn't get to our flag to wipe down because of cross fire, so we lost one of the inner city kids permanently. Basically, we formed an arc and tried to hold all sides. Anything behind us was out of boudns so we were safe from that at least. 3 guys rushed, they were young, and fast, and they got to the flag and moved it a little before we gunned the last one down. A final rush of about 10 people with 2 mintues left occured.
An old man lead the charge, we'll call him braveheart. He took a mask shot from me, and a knee shot from medic. Then a couple of thirty year olds and their sons came. I concentrated on popping the little kids because they were the ones fast enough to actually run our flag back to their in the time remaining. THEN THOSE GIRLS WHO SHOT ME BEFORE CAME OUT OF COVER!
Screw the game, they were going down. Apparently all of us had soem grudge against them. ( I think they had killed the ghetto kid before too and had been hitting on Medic's brother all day)I saw 2 balls hit one girls mask, that was me and ghetto. Then I saw balls stitch across the other girls chest! That was medic... Eee gads...
We turned our attention back to the chargers, who were swarmign the flag now, ghetto took a shot on the top of his head. Actually... he took.. 5 shots on the top of his head at once, and just grunted and rolled away.
Medic caught a kid sprinting away with our flag. Unfortunately she went semi upright to do so, and caught several hits on the face. I knew it was too late for them to get our flag home so I just stayed low and tried to avoid their english style advance ( camocoats all in a line)
The horn blew, and they fired a second or two longer. I caught a butt shot, a few back shots, and several leg shots. ( I was laying down on my belly) WE DIDN'T LOSE! yay!
Last game was on a huge field. I hooked up with my friends, they run a lot, I breated/sweated too much and my mask fogged up, I died 6 times and then the game was over. I dunno if I even killed anyone that game, I could barely see to walk.
Somewhere along the line I picked up a large whole in my knee.... I didn't notice until we were off the field for good. It was funny. The army guys were laughing and jokingand eating, the hardcores were comparing old war stories to new war stories, the sexy battle fems/medic were flirting... my friends where assembling their scopes... I was out of paint and didn't desire to spend more $ when I couldn't see so I bid everyone a fond fairwell and home I went, to spend the next 4 hours sleeping in between changing the wads of tissue I was using to staunch the blood flow from my knee.
Hope you enjoyed :o) If not, I dun really care. Remember raters, 4, go with a 4! Byeya
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