The Map

Where else but the...
-LOST TEMPLE-

The Factors

The first contestant and the current reporter 
are one and the same person. That's right...

ProtossedSalad
Playing As Chosen
YELLOW ZERG

The second factor of the match 
claimed that he was 
"only looking for a good game."

~Dolemite~
Playing As Chosen
AQUAMARINE(?) TERRAN

      If you read this far, thanks for reading the above swill. Just those formalities that come with reporting. You do need the background anyway. 

     The map is Lost Temple, so I can be pretty sure my opponent knows the map as well as the next avid Starcraft player. The green flag drops, and I find my hatchery situated on the southern starting point. I immediately set my 4 drones to separate mineral patches, incubate a new drone, and of course send my fat flying crab out to find my opponent. What was later realized as a bad call, I sent him northwest. What's special here, is that I'm about to test a strat that I had thought up earlier while watching "I'm Gonna Git You Sucka." Mind you that the movie has no relevance to this new strategy. So after 8 drones I made an overlord, and at 300 minerals I created another hatchery at the entrance to my mountain home while creating drones and a spawning pool. As this is going on, my Overlord is failing miserably, finding nothing to the West and nothing to the North. Look below. Can you see the two big puddles of blood? Those were my first two zerglings. They served their purpose, cause I'm pretty sure that my opponent is going for tanks. He clearly voiced his feelings on my finding his base. "My mom's tits." Indeed.

    So I build a thrid hatchery right outside my base at the nearby mineral/gas garden, completely ignoring defense. Ballsy, yes, but it was necessary for my new strategy.

     Luckily, no attacks came in, (Not even a scout!) and soon I had three hatcheries and an enviable fortune at my disposal. And that's just what I did. I disposed it on zerglings and overlords. OLords for supply of course, and plenty of zerglings. All three hatcheries had a set rally point just under the middle of the map, below a large vacant space. 

     Thanks to the efficiency of the Zerg Swarm, I was able to amass a sizeable legion of zerglings in the centerof the map. Raw zerglings. No upgrades. I stopped structures after the third hatchery. All was very quiet from my opponent, which was appreciated. No, it was required for my plan to work. Therefore I had to work as swiftly as possible. I began moving my zerglings into formation. 

      Shortly, after careful judgement and quick action, my the formation was complete. All that was left to do was send out a beacon. A signal to my opponent. If the plan failed, it would mean death. If it was successful, I would be a god. So with that done, I quickly alerted my rival, but not with words. Not yet. 

      I shared my vision with ~Dolemite~ and let him see my creation. He was obviously dumbfounded and awestruck, as you can see by his harsh words. He even tried to give me advice on my mental health. Sorry, ~Dolemite~, but call me when you have your PhD. in Psychology. You need help, you diaper.

     To my dismay, the battle did not turn the way I had hoped. The strategy, though profound and shocking, was useless, as he quickly slaughtered my force with tanks and marines, and proceeded to ravage my hive cluster. Soon, my three hatcheries were but stinking holes in the ground, disproving the theory- no, paradigm- that 'penising' is an effective war strategy.