MONDAY NIGHT STARCRAFT

Drefsab: Here we are again folks with another exciting Monday Night Starcraft matchup. Tonight's mathcup features two people who may be familiar to those of you who have been following the Monday Night reports, The.Confessor and TheRubberDucky. Confessor is of course, the famous Mark4 statue rubber from week 1. Tonight the tables have turned and Mark4 will be commentating on the game with me. Mark, its a privilege to have you in the booth with me tonight. How do you feel about observing a game where Confessor is playing.

Mark4: Dref, all I know is, every time he rubs that statue, I get an itch.

Drefsab: Err, yeah. Well, facing Confessor tonight is RubberDucky who was trading Pokemon cards with my alter ego E-Minor last week.

Mark4: Pokemon?? WTF?? He better not bring that gay stuff near me. I'll blow those damn pokemons away with one of my guns.

Drefsab: Yes Mark, my sentiments exactly. Anyway, tonight's matchup will be played on Snowbound, a map where all the starting positions are islands. Mark, we all know that you play this map well.

Mark4: Dref, I always feel very confident when playing on this map. In fact, if one of the players chooses protoss, I may have to pass along a few discreet tips to him.

Drefsab: Well Mark, that's kind of breaking the "observer code", but since you have guns, I won't argue with you.

Mark4: Good choice Dref.

Drefsab: Err, anyways, the players have arrived in the game room and it looks like we're ready to get this party started. The countdown has commenced and it looks like both players will be going Random. Mark, this should make things interesting.

Mark4: Yes Dref, random is always more effective on islands due to the lack of early scouting. Both players should have time to develop their early builds in anonymity.

Drefsab: All right, Confessor has drawn Red Protoss on the left island while RubberDucky has drawn Orange Terran on the right island.

Mark4: Cool, Confessor is toss. Psst, Confessor You need to build a pylon first on seven.

Drefsab: Whoah Mark, tips like that could really tip the game. You shouldn't do that.

Mark4: (Sound of safety being released) Dref, stay outta this.

Drefsab: Sorry man. Confessor has listened to Mark and built a pylon on seven. He has also built an assimilator, a gateway, and he's warping in a cybernetics core now. RubberDucky has chosen to go with a depot, refinery, rax, depot build. He's sending an SCV down to the bottom left corner of his island and he's building an engineering bay there.

Mark4: Dref, this really is a pretty good idea. RubberDucky will most likely use this building to scout his opponent so that he's not tied down to building an academy for early recon. I think you'll probably see Ducky go for some kind of early factory unit.

Drefsab: Well, you may be right Mark, Ducky is starting construction of a factory now. Meanwhile, Confessor has warped in a robotics facility and a second gateway. He's also warping in an observatory. His unit of choice at the moment appears to be dragoons.

Mark4: He's not going for an early kill with that build order. You'll probably see him go for a quick expansion to get the early economic advantage.

Drefsab: Ducky has finished his factory and he has some kind of upgrade researching in the machine shop. He also has a Starport constructed with a control tower being added on. I would say he's going to try some sort of tank drop.

Mark4: No Dref look, the first unit has popped out of the factory now. It's a vulture.

Drefsab: A vulture drop? I'm not sure why Ducky would choose this strat against a random opponent. The vultures won't stand much of a chance when facing off against Confessor's dragoons.

Mark4: I agree with that Dref, but the random factor is no longer in effect. Confessor's scouting shuttle has just flown past Ducky's floating engineering bay.

Drefsab: Yup, the gig is up now for both players. Back at his base Ducky has started work on a second barracks and an academy. His first dropship is loaded up with 4 vultures and it looks like the first conflict is imminent.

Mark4: That's right Dref, Ducky's scouting engineering bay has finally found Confessor's base so he knows where he's going.

Drefsab: The question is, does Ducky's 4 vulture drop really stand a chance to do any damage at Confessor's base?

Mark4: I highly doubt it Dref. Confessor has managed to build 5 goons already and they will be more than a match. However, Confessor is a little weaker than normal because he has just started an expansion at the bottom middle starting position.

Drefsab: Well, we'll soon find out, here comes the dropship. Ducky has elected to drop the vultures on the north end of Confessor's island. Ducky is driving the vultures down behind Confessor's peon line. They have found a spot to hold at and they are firing over the minerals at the defenseless peons. Confessor's dragoons are on the other side of his base and they are having a hard time reaching the vultures to stop the threat.

Mark4: My God, Confessor's probes are getting slaughtered. He's not running them away.

Drefsab: The goons are everywhere but where they're supposed to be. Confessor has finally run his probes away now that he has lost at least 12. The dragoons are finally making their way towards the vultures and they're blasting them away, but look at this, Ducky is claiming victory.

Mark4: Well Dref, that little vulture drop has killed Confessor's economy. He hasn't started warping in probes at his expansion and he has 7 probes left at his main. He's definitely in a tight spot here.

Drefsab: He's still working towards reaver tech though with a robotics support bay. Meanwhile, Ducky is expanding himself. He's built a command center at the north end of his island and he's floating it up to the northeastern expansion.

Mark4: He's also taken 8 of his SCVs by dropship and landed them there so that they can immediately begin mining as soon as the command center lands.

Drefsab: Interesting Mark, Ducky's SCVs are just sitting there watching while a Comsat add on is constructed. They're not moving. Wow, look at all the mining time he is losing.

Mark4: There, the Comsat finished and there go the SCVs to the mineral patches. Must be the "Add on is complete" message reminded Ducky that he had an expansion over there.

Drefsab: Well, now I know why Ducky was distracted. He is launching another assault on Confessor's main base. Three dropships full of troops are landing on the northern edge of Confessor's island.

Mark4: Troop count for this assault is 12 assorted Marines and Medics and 3 tanks. Confessor has 6 dragoons for defense. I'd say Ducky has a sizable advantage here.

Drefsab: That's an understatement Mark. Look at those dragoons popping. They've manage to kill 1 tank and a couple of medics, but they are no match for this combined terran force. Things don't look good for Confessor's main.

Mark4: Geez Dref, this is a massacre. And Ducky's being smart with this assault too. Instead of destroying the buildings on the outskirts of Confessor's main, he has moved his troops right to the center of it and they are firing directly on the Nexus. Boom! Confessor's Nexus has been blown to bits!!

Drefsab: Well, Confessor is still trying to salvage the situation. He has brought brought a reaver that was defending his expansion back to his main. The reaver has succeeded in stopping Ducky's marines but Ducky's 2 remaining tanks are still bombarding the buildings on the northern edge of Confessor's base.

Mark4: Yeah Dref, Confessor is a dead man and Ducky is getting cocky too. I'm going to have to kick his ass myself I guess.

Drefsab: Haha. Oh Mark, look at this. Confessor has managed to scrounge up 2 reavers and 2 dragoons and they are flying via shuttle over to Ducky's undefended expansion.

Mark4: Oh my, Ducky has gotten lazy here. He doesn't really need this expansion to win, but still, you have to have a token defense to stop cheesy drops like this.

Drefsab: Ducky is being forced to lift off his command center and float it back to his main for repairs. Meanwhile, his tanks in Confessor's main are still destroying Confessor's buildings and some more marines and medics have been dropped speed up the process.

Mark4: Confessor is relocating his tech to his expansion Dref and he's starting from scratch. He's warping in 2 gateways and a cybernetics core. He's also managed to evacuate most of the probes from his main to his expansion. His standing army is 6 goons and 2 reavers. He's still in this game Dref.

Drefsab: Hmm, a scan from Ducky has located Confessor's new main. This could be the end. Ducky has 2 dropships full of troops flying in to finish the job. They are landing on the eastern side of Confessor's base.

Mark4: I don't think this is gonna finish him Dref. Those 6 dragoons are firing at the marines as they land. Those troops are getting massacred.

Drefsab: Ducky isn't done putting the pressure on Confessor though. He has teched up to wraiths and he's got 5 of them flying in from the northwest.

Mark4: Those suckers are cloaked and ready for action. Confessor has no cannons for defense. He better get an observer in there quick.

Drefsab: Ducky is blowing things up randomly. There goes 1 shuttle and now he's going after another shuttle. Two reavers dropped out of the shuttle just before it blew up. Now Ducky's wraiths are shooting at the reavers.

Mark4: I don't really understand this Dref. Ducky isn't going for the peon line. There's at least 25 probes ripe for wraith target practice.

Drefsab: Well Mark, its too late now, Ducky has succeeded in killing both of the reavers. But one of Confessor's observers has finally reached the action and Ducky's wraiths are no match for Confessor's dragoons. He is retreating and Confessor is still in the game.

Mark4: Ducky is really living on the edge here. He needs to quit toying with Confessor and finish him.

Drefsab: Well, it looks like both players are taking a moment to regroup. Ducky has floated his command center from his first unsuccessful expansion attempt to one of the mineral only spots in the middle of the map. Meanwhile, Confessor has taken a shuttle and flown a probe out to the top left expansion spot. He has also warped in a robotics facility and a Stargate at his new main base.

Mark4: This time Ducky has learned his lesson. He has dropped off 4 siege tanks at his new expansion for defense.

Drefsab: But Mark, look at this. He has sieged up all his tanks right next to each other and one of Confessor's observers has located the new expansion.

Mark4: You're right Dref, and here comes two shuttles from Confessor's new main. the shuttles are loaded with 2 dragoons each. Normally 4 tanks could take out for dragoons but the dragoons are being dropped so close to the sieged up tanks, that they aren't able to fire.

Drefsab: Hmmm, all 4 tanks have been destroyed and 2 dragoons have lived to tell about it. Ducky is lifting off his command center and floating it back towards his main and now 2 corsairs have shown up from Confessor's main to harass the battered command center.

Mark4: Ducky is not pleased with this turn of events. Look at the comment he just made.

Drefsab: What the hell is a gomo Mark?

Mark4: I have no idea Dref.

Drefsab: Well, Ducky has flown in 6 wraiths and they are able to take care of Confessor's 2 corsairs and 2 dragoons. Mark, you have to wonder why Ducky gave up on that expansion so quickly if he had enough forces to stop Confessor's attack.

Mark4: I can't answer that Dref, and Ducky really needed that expansion. His main is running out of minerals.

Drefsab: Mark, Ducky just scanned Confessor's new expansion at the top left. Looks like the gig is up.

Mark4: Dref, Ducky needs to take that expansion out quick before Confessor has the chance to properly defend it.

Drefsab: That's right Mark, all important cannons that will stop wraith harrassment are warping in now.

Mark4: Ducky is sending in his wraiths but it's too late. The cannons have warped in time it looks like Confessor's expansion is secured for now.

Drefsab: This game has definitely turned. Confessor still has resources at his new main, plus he has secured a new expansion. Ducky's main is mined out and he's still scrambling around to get an expansion.

Mark4: Well Dref, he's floated that command center up to the northeast expansion again and he's ferried a tank for defense and 8 SCVs.

Drefsab: But Confessor has an observer there and he's got 2 shuttles loaded up with dragoons. Once again he has landed the dragoons right next to Ducky's sieged up tank. The tank is killed and the SCVs are forced to attack. Wow the dragoons seem to be out of control.

Mark4: Oh my God, micro dammit!! Dref, Confessor just lost 4 dragoons to 8 SCVs!!

Drefsab: You sound frustrated Mark. hehe

Mark4: This is the last game I'm going to be observing for awhile!!

Drefsab: Ducky is attempting to secure the expansion again. He's ferried over two more tanks from his main. He really needs to hold onto it this time Mark.

Mark4: You got that right Dref. Whatever Ducky has in the bank must be running out by now.

Drefsab: Confessor is sending in two more shuttles to Ducky's fledling expansion. This time, the drop consists of 3 dragoons and 2 zealots. Confessor has landed them right on top of the tanks again.

Mark4: Dref, either Ducky needs to spread his tanks out when he sieges them up or he needs to leave them unsieged. He's not getting off a single shot when he keeps them grouped up like that.

Drefsab: Well, the tanks have been blown away. But Ducky has used a comsat and brought in some wraiths. There goes that observer that's been hovering over the expansion and now Confessor's drop is defenseless.

Mark4: OMFG! Dref, for someone who has made such an awesome comeback, Confessor is really floundering when it counts.

Drefsab: And now Ducky has managed to float a naked expansion to the top middle starting island and his 5 wraiths are on the move.

Mark4: But where are they going Dref? Confessor's expansion is defended by cannons. OMFG! Ducky's 5 wraiths are attacking 2 cannons!!

Drefsab: Hmmm, not really a fair matchup. Boom! Boom!! Boom!!! 3 wraiths shot out of the sky. Now he's retreating. What was that about Mark?

Mark4: I don't know Dref, but my sides are hurting from laughing.

Drefsab: Well Mark, it looks like Confessor has tired of trying to play the containment game and he's going for the juggernaut. 6 shuttles loaded with troops are flying towards Ducky's main.

Mark4: Ducky is definitely hurting for resources. He has about 10 marines for defense and I don't think that's enough to stop 6 shuttles worth of protoss troops.

Drefsab: You're right Mark. This looks like the end. Confessor is dropping 10 dragoons and 4 zealots and Ducky's weak defense is quickly being eliminated.

Mark4: Well, that's it Dref. Ducky's main base is wide open for a good razing.

Drefsab: You're right Mark, and Ducky has left the game. Wow, what a comeback by Confessor.

Mark4: And what a horrible show of incompetence. This was a sad, sad game.

Drefsab: Yes, but fun to watch just the same. Here are the scores folks.

Drefsab: We'll be right back with the post game show after these messages.

Well Dressed Man in Expensive Suit: Let's face it folks. Everyone is getting boob jobs these days. Britney Spears, Fabio, even my mom are all examples of this.

Unfortunately, Starcraft is falling behind. What am I talking about you ask? Why the medic of course.

I've zoomed way in on the medics in my photo editor and none of them are bigger than a B Cup.

That's why I'm starting the Give Medics Big Boobs in 1.08 Petition. This petition will be sent to Blizzard once we have enough support. So please, visit http://www.GiveMedicsBoobs.com today and show your support. I'm TheRubberDucky and I wanna get off by looking at medics. I hope you do too.

---

Drefsab: Welcome back to the post game show and I have The.Confessor here. Confessor, to what do you attribute this stunning victory?

The.Confessor: Dref, I had my Mark4 statue with me the whole game. I attribute my good fortune to the statue's power. (Carresses the statue lovingly)

Mark4: Oh my God man! Don't touch me there!! (Pulls out his guns).

The.Confessor: AHHH! Mark!! What are you doing?

(Sound of shots fired. Confessor runs from the room with Mark chasing him.)

Drefsab: Hmm, that looks like the end of our post game show... Wait... Here comes TheRubberDucky. Hey Ducky, how do you feel about your stunning loss?

TheRubberDucky: Well Dref, I have to admit. Around mid game, I built an academy and a few medics and something about those medics caught my eye. I was watching them and not paying attention to defending my expansion and well, the rest is history.

Drefsab: Ducky, are you disappointed by this loss?

TheRubberDucky: Dref, I am very disappointed. It's always tough to lose a game on Monday night. Especially to a statue rubbing freak like The.Confessor. I would be more upset if you're alter ego, E-Minor, hadn't given me $100 for one of my Pikachu cards.

Drefsab: OMG! $100!?!? I'm gonna beat his ass!! Thanks for tuning in tonight folks. We'll see you next time, but right now, I have some business to attend to.

---

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Again, thanks for tuning in. We'll see you next time on Monday Night Starcaft.