Introduction:

I wrote it back in the TGFN days when the map hack was free to download from their website for quite awhile and everyone had it. I was pretty frustrated and hadn't discovered NoHunters yet and so I wrote these three short stories on a new kind of super hero... The Hack Killer.

Some of you may have seen this before because I posted it on the Battle.Net forums a couple of times and if you have, I'm sorry. But its been awhile and I thought I would break it out one last time before retiring it for good.

One quick warning to those who haven't read it, it is one of my more morbid works and may not be suitable for younger readers. The actions taken by the character in this story should not be tried at home.

So without further ado I am proud to present The Hack Killer Trilogy...

Part 1:

A holy rage welled up within me and I quickly ran back to my house and grabbed my aluminum baseball bat that only yesterday, I had used at softball practice.

I crept to his front door and slowly turned the handle... unlocked!! I slid inside and quietly crept down the hall to my neighbor's bedroom. His door was open and I could see his computer screen reflecting off the mirror in his room. He was gathering mutas/devourers/guardians for a final assault.

He was so entranced with his game that he didn't even notice me as I crept into his room. I stepped behind him and watched as he launched his attack.

"NOOOOO!!!" I screamed and raised the bat over my head.

Only then did my neighbor turn and see me standing there. A look of horror crossed his face as my bat arched through the air. With a sickening thud, it made contact with his skull, crushing it inwards. He fell to the ground, dead on impact.

I looked up at the computer screen. All of his units had stopped attacking as all the buildings in the vicinity had been destroyed. All that was left of the honest person's base was a creep colony and an extractor.

The words, "Why did you stop attacking? Come on, kill me" came across the screen.

A walked to the computer and typed, "you have been avenged by the Hack-Killer" Then, I grabbed the mouse and clicked, Menu, End Game, Surrender.

I was filled with an overwhelming joy and I knew that I had been called to my life's work. Kill all people using hacks on Battle.Net.

I walked out of my neighbor's bedroom, my shoes squishing in the fresh blood stains on his carpet.

Part 2:

I sniffed the clear night air, a perfect night for playing Starcraft. I went from house to house peering in windows, looking for the telltale glow of a computer screen. Finally, I saw it, a picture of the evil Kerrigan appearing on a computer monitor across the street. I crept over to the house, hid behind a bush, and continued to watch through the window.

The unsuspecting Starcraft player logged on to battle.net and created a ladder game called "1v1 no cheaters!!" on The Lost Temple.

Another player joined and the game began. He looked legit and I was about to move on when suddenly, his screen went blank for a second and he was back in Windows. I watched in horror as he actviated the map hack and then went back into the game.

I could feel my blood begin to boil. I crept over to the front door, slid the toaster under my arm and tried to turn the handle with my free hand. The door was locked!!

Not to be deterred, I headed around to the back yard. The cheater had a sliding glass door and I was surprised when it quietly slid open when I pulled on the handle. I grinned.

I crept down the hallway and set the toaster and the rope on the floor and then crept into the bedroom. The cheater had succeeded in building a couple of barracks and some marines while I was creeping into the house and had just started on a factory. He kept clicking over to the other person's base to see what they were doing.

Enraged at such blatant cheating, I raised the frying pan over my head and brought it down on the unsuspecting cheater's head. He was knocked out cold.

I went back out into the hallway, grabbed my rope and began tying the cheater to his chair. I finished tying him securely to his seat and then I looked up at the screen. Two green dots were moving towards the cheater's base. The two protoss shuttles dropped 2 dragoons and 2 reavers right behind the peon line. When the player saw only a few marines for defense he typed, "HAHA, You're so dead!!"

I reached over to the keyboard and typed, "You don't know how right you are."

I watched as the player finished off the cheater's base and the "you have failed to achieve victory" window popped up.

Then I dragged the unconscious cheater still tied to the chair out into the hallway. I looked up and down the hallway and spotted the entrance to the bathroom the next door down. I dragged the cheater into the bathroom. I lifted the chair up over the edge of the bathtub and set the chair up right under the shower head. I pulled the drain closed and then I turned the cold water on full blast.

Streams of cold water rained down on the cheater's head and he awoke from his unconscious state.

His eyes opened wide and he looked around trying to get his bearings. When he realized where he was he began to struggle mightily, but he was tied fast and couldn't escape.

Then he saw me standing there with a grin on my face. I had found an outlet next to the sink and had plugged in the toaster. By this time the water had almost reached the cheater's knees.

A look of terror pasted itself onto the cheater's face as he realized what was about to happen. "No!! I promise I'll never cheat at Starcraft again!!" he screamed.

"I know you won't," I replied calmly and dropped the toaster into the bathtub.

The lights flickered for a second, then they came back on. The jolt from the toaster caused the chair to tip forward and the cheater landed face down in the water. A few bubbles rose to the surface.

I smiled and left the cheater where he lay. My work here was done.

Part 3:

He was saying things like, "Godd*mmit!! I didn't storm there!" and "F*cking plague is sooo imbalanced!"

The louder he got, the more interested I became in the game. I started laughing at him and telling him that he sucked.

The Zerg player landed 8 overlords full of hydras on my friend's last island and then brought in sixteen guardians for support.

"F*cking cheater!" my friend screamed and then to my horror, he Alt-Tabbed out of the game and then disconnected from his ISP. When he Alt-Tabbed back into the game, the 'waiting for players' screen was up.

I didn't even hesitate for a moment, I knew what I had to do.

I grabbed my friend's bedspread off of his bed and threw it over his head.

"Hey, what the hell are you doing?" he yelled.

I ignored his protests and tackled him to the floor. I straddled him and pinned his struggling body tightly between my thighs and put my hands around his throat. I could hear his muffled choking and gagging through the blanket as he struggled to get air into his strained lungs.

"I shouldn't.. have made... friends... with... the... Hack...... Killer," he gurgled, then he went limp.

I didn't feel a twinge of guilt, even though we had been friends since second grade. He had made his choice, he had turned to the dark side. He reaped the consequences of his actions and even though I would miss him, I would rather have a dead friend then a friend who cheats at Starcraft.

Prologue:

Someday the killing may end, and Battle.Net will be a safe place for honest players to roam, but probably not in my lifetime.

And so my work goes on...

**Concluded

Final Note to the Reader:

Cheers,