"Finally, Jpaikman is left with one solitary outpost, much like Berlin at the close of the Second World War. Sadly, Berlin gets hopelessly raped by Guardians from the South and white cruisers from the North."
-|]agomar
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| A 6 player FFA on a 64x64 map! woo hoo! | | | Author: | | | IP: | XXXX | | Date: | 12/08/99 09:12 | | Game Type: | Starcraft | | Labels: | none | | Report Rating: , # of Ratings: 5, Max: 10, Min: 8
Lifetime Rating for ::nobody::: 9.0000 |    |
Warning: as usual, this report is image heavy. Please be patient. And, yes, the names ARE supposed to bounce in the animated gif. It's called catching the reader's eye. Report contains heavy humor and sarcasm. Read at your own risk. =)
Prolouge:
The season's new rage these days seems to be taking the Starcraft community by storm. Free for alls. This practice of grabbing and attacking anything and everything has been prevalent in the Christmas shopping community forever. This year, however, Starcraft has obtained the FFA sensation. Why? Not "Tickle-me Elmos" or "Furbys", but rather entire dominance of the known and unknown universe. As proven by countless FFA battle reports, FFAs are the highest test of Starcraft skill in which absolutely no luck is involved. None. But I wanted more… "how can I increase the skill level and decrease the non-existent luck?" I asked myself. After many nights tossing and turning, as well as enough egg nog to drown a good sized cat, the idea hit me like a freight train. Excitement spurted forth, and the "excitement" dribbled down my leg as I scoured B-net for 6 players stupid enough to play in a 6-player FFA. And stupid enough to do it on a 64x64 map…
Meet the brave...*cough* ...players
Wallabystein:
Anybody who read my last report would recognize Wallaby as the valiant fighter who meddled with Nevigrofn in a FFA and quickly realized that Nevi is no one to meddle with. Wallaby was the one who suggested the map, but was a little apprehensive at the idea of FFAing with 5 other players. "Relax," I said "FFAs are all about skill, and you have none. You'll do fine"
4-Pooler:
Wallaby and 4-Pooler (4P) entered the game with slightly tarnished feelings toward one another. 4P was loud, obnoxious, and originally not invited to play. Wallaby wasn't too happy about this, but 4P was nice to me and was another player in the six I sought, so he was fine with me. Would he actually be cheesy enough to try a 4-pool in a ffa? We shall see…
Crax`Baby:
Crax came along with 4P, and they seemed to be friends. He didn't say or do much, probably because he was stoned out of his mind or something, I don't exactly know. After all, he is a "Crax" baby and well, I dunno, I just hoped he could still play Starcraft…
Offensivegas:
Gas had been hanging out with me for a few games, but all the games that we attempted were really lame. He showed the ability to not impress me much because he was always in the wrong place at the wrong time. This absolute lack of luck was what I needed in a player for this FFA…
WOW!! :
Wow's name kinda says it all. Actually, it kinda says nothing, but whatever. Wow had also been in a few games I observed before and had won rather easily in a four player FFA. He seemed to know exactly what he was doing, unlike the other jokers in this bunch. Probably because he had something stuck up his ass…
Raging~Kozak:
Many of you may also recognize this name from my 2v2 report. I was an honor to have him playing for me again because this guy is also devoid of luck and seems to be a punching bag for the opponents. I wanted blood and I knew that Kozak could supply it…
Lionlord:
Once again, lionlord is with me as an observer. You may have read WilliamWC3's report in which he had lionlord as a fellow observer. We can both say that we are amazed at how good lionlord is. The guy is amazing.
Meet the great...*cough* ...map
This is very simple. Small map. No expansions. Eight starting spots. 10 and 11 'o clock open. Yay.
Chapter 1: This'll be good
The game starts, and from the start I know its gonna be really damn funny. Kozak opens by commenting, "I can already see an opponent and I haven't even started to mine yet!!" Oh yes, this will be good. Kozak happened to end up with protoss, Wow, Gas, and Crax all received zerg, and Wallaby and 4P had terran bestowed upon them. Awww…no cheesy 4-pool for 4P. As expected, the action starts quickly and mercilessly.  Gas's first action is to erect a pool then sunken at the upper part of his base. I don't know if he meant it to or not, but the sunken was able to reach its slimy little…um…thing across the river and into 4P's SCV line. The sunken was able to both defend his base and totally screw up 4P's mineral gathering. What skill! 4P, however, wasn't about to give up. He sends his SCVs to the 10:00 base, which is open, and proceeds to mine from those minerals. Since the map is so small, he is able to execute this and still stay in the game. Meanwhile, Crax looks for a quick kill and sends his first six lings into Wallaby's base. Wallaby has a half-completed bunker and two marines who seem to be just standing around with nothing to do. The lings, however, give the marines something to do: dance. Busting out moves unseen since John Travolta in "Saturday Night Fever", the marines are able to stay alive until the bunker finishes and with the help of repairing SCVs, the threat from Crax is averted. At the same time, Kozak is not having the same luck as Wallaby.  He obviously skipped his dance lessons. Wow, like Crax, sends his first 6 lings looking for blood and they happen to chance upon Gas's protoss base. They are able to do a considerable amount of damage, but Kozak would be able to recover. That is, he would have been able to had Crax not also sent some lings to his base. As Crax's lings deal with the rest of Gas's defense, Wow sends another squad of lings which start to battle Crax's lings in Gas's base! I can picture Kozak now, sacrificing a small animal on his Starcraft altar and praying that Crax and Wow destroy each other. The Starcraft gods were not smiling on Gas, however, and Crax retreats, leaving Wow to finish off Gas. After a few choice words about the protoss and their level of suckage, Kozak joins Lionlord and I as an observer. (Translation: Kozak lost. Bad.)
Chapter 2: More Chaos!
I might have started this chapter with, "after the initial flurry calmed down…" but I didn't. Why? Because the fluffy never did die down. There was no free time for the players, so if one of them had to take a piss, I hope they had a bucket by the computer. Gas decides to follow the initial success of his sunken by forming a lair and sending some lings to finish off 4P. Gas, however, didn't know that 4P was long distance mining until a squad of marines grated his lings like fresh cheddar. Then Gas was in for a REAL surprise…  Arclite boomed as 4P had a tank to go across the river into Gas's mineral patch. I can see 4P at hope laughing with delight as his tank gets some very sweet revenge. Gas, like I have already said, isn't exactly the luckiest guy in the world. As his lair finishes, he has tech, but few units and he also has a terran tank pounding on his base from an opponent seemingly raised from the dead. As Gas contemplates his situation, Wow decides to end his contemplation. Wow has taken no time to tech and is still continually pumping lings. 
Wow sends a wave of lings into Gas's base and discovers little resistance from the crippled Gas. The orange lings happily munch on the organic buildings leaving, appropriately, the extractor so that Gas can watch. Now left from the original 6 are two terran and two zerg. Wow is pumping lings like a mad man and now has a hydra den up. Crax seems to be teching toward mutas after the failed ling attacks and wants to rule the small map by air. 4P seems unfazed by his original set back and now has tanks and an academy on the way. Wallaby is focusing more on defense with a few bunkers, but he is also getting tanks.
Keep in mind that very little time has passed due to the small map.
Chapter 3: Even More Chaos!
Wow's ling success seems to have no end in sight, and Wow doesn't seem to be stopping anytime soon. The only setback is Wow's slow tech to lurkers. He obviously wants the lurkers to deal with the two terran foes, because he sends his lings to Crax in an attempt to make it him versus two terrans.  Unfortunately for Crax, he has focused on teching to mutas and expanding to the 11:00 location. His spire is a little too late, and his small defense is no match for Wow's lings and his main is run over leaving him with nothing but a hatchery at 11:00. Had he been a little quicker, the tides may have turned as Wow had virtually no air defense. The tech to mutas was an interesting twist, but one that failed. Wallaby finds great interest in the battle and snatches the opportunity to expand to Crax's old base once the creep has dissipated. He makes some starports and looks to be getting wraiths. Wow finally abandons the lings after this attack and hatches six lurkers and puts up a spire. 4P is still expanding and teching uncontested at the 10:00 spot and is looking towards SVs to accompany his M&M&F and tanks. Crax now has a pool up. Go Crax! There is a short lull in battle and then the fighting begins anew. Wallaby looks to be setting up a tank push on Crax who now has a sunken. Go Crax! …but is forced to abandon it as Wow brings his lurkers into his newly formed expansion. Wallaby's M&M, wraiths, and tanks fall like nothing to the lurkers and hydra and Wallaby is reduced back to his main with very little of an army left to fight.
Wow, however decides to seek another victim and goes for 4P. A clash ensues in which the terran superpower methodically cuts down the lurkers with firebats and comsat and then move towards Wow's base. Wow sends lings and mutas to the center and 4P moves in his tanks and M&M. A HUGE battle is the result in which claw shreds armor, machine rips carapace, and blood flows freely over the rocks of Abattior. In the end, the stimulating drugs of the marines and the arclite of the tanks slowly wear down the zerg attack…
Chapter 4: Um…I'm unoriginal…more Chaos! Yea, that's it…
While 4P and Wow beat each other senseless, Wallaby tries to regain Crax's old base as an expansion and still has his pathetic push up by Crax's expansion. All of a sudden Crax has mutas destroying the tank and few marines. WTF!?!? Mutas??  On closer inspection, I see that Crax has a Spire hidden under Lion and my floating CCs! Go Crax! He placed it there while Wow was destroying his main and by this time has hatched a good sized pack of mutas. Then Crax does something ver odd. He starts to destroy his own base. He obviously wants to show his skill by doing this and it greatly increases the seriousness of the game. He only leaves his spire and takes his mutas for a Joy ride across the map.  His first stop is at Wallaby's base where he starts reigning terror down upon Wallaby's expansion. Go Crax! Considerable damage is done before marines arrive to scare Crax off. Crax then moves down to Wow's new expansion in Gas's old base. As Wow is trying to deal with 4P, Crax is the party crasher and is really pounding on the unguarded drones. After the battle in the middle of the map, Wow has severly depleted forces and 4P has little trouble tank pushing Wow. Wow had done all the killing, but a double team of Crax and 4P spell his doom. Obviously Wow was just unskilled, 'cuz FFAs are games of skill. Wow decides not to watch and promptly leaves the game. All that is left now are the two terran juggernauts and Crax's rampaging mutas.
Chapter -1: Does anyone read these titles?
Unfortunately, rampaging mutas don't stand much of a chance against to terrans with marines, so Crax concedes the game. Go Crax! All that's left are the two terrans who clearly have the most skill and this proves that terrans are by far the best race. Obviously. 4P lets Wow do all the work and then destroys him and advances on the wounded Wallaby. I won't try and sugar coat it folks, Wallaby gets whooped. By this time 4P has nukes and two expansions he doesn't even bother to push with the tanks, he just rolls 'em right in and over powers Wallaby.
I find it extremely interesting that the person who has to mine from a different patch than his own actually won the game. To show his excellent superiority and skill, 4P kills Wallaby's last building, a turret, with SCVs. Ouch.
As always, I submit for your enjoyment:
Lessons Learned:
1. This was fun.
2. Long distance mining can work.
3. 64x64 maps and 6-player FFAs are excellent tests of skill.
4. Go Crax! Oh wait, he's dead.
5. For those of you who are still wondering, this was a FFA parody. The game was maybe not as intense as I usually bring you, but hey it was funny and silly. Even better.
6. If you really learned anything from this game you paid closer attention than I did.
Author's Note:
Thank you to all the players for playing the game and allowing me to verbally abuse them in this report. Thank you to lionlord for all the help again. If you help me any more, I'll have to give you co-author credit =) Sorry to everyone about the delay in getting this out, its been about a week, but I've been busy. I took the SAT, had a formal dance, got sick, had to wait for my sister to write a report, slept, and I take 5 AP clases in school. Not to mention the fact that I like to PLAY starcraft as well =) Also, I've got a new girlfriend, so I'm about as bubbly and excited as can be =P You all rule. BR.com rules. I like to drool.
Ciao!
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