"Protoss is so loaded up with cheese that Aiur may take the Cheese capital title away from Wisconsin. (i hate gayweb!) "
- T.T.Boy
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| Kingtab and me: We laugh a little, cry a little, and do a little growing up | | | Author: | | | IP: | XXXX | | Date: | 07/25/99 02:07 | | Game Type: | Starcraft | | Labels: | Starcraft(1), Text Only(1) | | Report Rating: , # of Ratings: 1, Max: 8, Min: 8
Lifetime Rating for Spuzz: 8.3077 |  |
The game: Plain ol StarCraft
The map: Kingtab's "Untitled Scenario" (uh-oh)
The players: Spuzz (me), who chose Zerg
Kingtab, who chose Protoss
The game began with me asking if Kingtab made this map, when I noticed that I was downloading it. He said no, it was the map of the week from two weeks ago. I thought to myself, "Wouldn't Blizzard bother to actually name the map? And doesn't the map of the week usually require Brood Wars?" These questions bothered me but I disregarded them, being the trusting fool that I am. The game begins and Kingtab then speaks up:
Kingtab: I'll help you out.
Spuzz: ???
Kingtab: There's some minerals to the bottom left. That should make it more fair, since I know this map and you don't.
Spuzz: Hey, you're a real class-act guy! Thanks! =)
His help was unnecessary, but an honorable thing to do. My base was located at about 4:00. I made drones, mined my minerals, and harvested my gas. Meanwhile Scooter, the Drone with a heart of Gold, scouted around. His recon declared that there was in fact no minerals to the lower left. Hmmm....
Further wandering led Scooter to the main base of my opponent at approximately 7:00. It had no defenses--6 Zerglings would have a field day here, however we had agreed on a ten minute no attack rule, so Scooter stopped to use the bathroom and moved on. But why were there no defenses? Strange...
Finally, Scooter found his way to the 1:00 position, directly north of my base. Guess what? A carefully guarded expansion, complete with four or five geysers and minerals as far as the eye can see. "WTF!!??" bellowed Scooter in all his immeasurable rage. It seems I had been set up. With panic I scouted the rest of the map. I had an average expansion to the left of my base, but there was a divider between the two locations. Flight would be needed to transport troops to and fro. I scrambled to assemble warriors, and prepared an assult. I knew I needed to halt activity at Kingtab's expansion, or I would be overwhelmed. Scooter got the hell back and released his anger by spending a few hours in the mineral mines, cursing up a storm.
A quick and easy regiment of Zerglings, accompanied with Defiler (the Hive social outcast), bravely went to the front lines. Here I found a string of photon cannons protecting the wretched expansion. For some reason, however, my opponent made a fatal error--the photons along the right side of the map all relied on one single pylon. Defiler happily released a fart which he had been uncomfortably holding for some time now, and the Zerglins tore down the pylon under the cover of a Dark Swarm of fecal matter. With that out of the way, they could approach the heart of the expansion. I was slightly relieved to see 3-4 StarGates and a Fleet Beacon. Obviously my adversary was going for mass Carriers. Why was I relieved? Because from all the Protoss weapons (Arbitors, High Templars, Archons, Reavers, etc.), mass Carriers are probably the easiest to deal with. They may look impressive with all those damn interceptors flying around, but the Zerg definitely have the means to defeat them. My Zerglings continued to attack the base until a few random Zealots took care of them.
By now I had expanded to my one paltry choice, but my resources were low, as I was constantly teching and building troops. Kingtab responded to my inital attack by sending a cluster of Dragoons to my expansion. Fortunately, the Hydras there told him to talk to the hand.
I knew that the longer I let that expansion exist, the more he was going to out-resource me. Just then I was attacked by 12 carriers! Defiler quickly conjoured up another fart and my Hydras found the safety of the orange cloud. Deflier even felt mean enough to plauge the cursed Carriers. After 7-8 of the Carriers went down, Kingtab retreated to the saftey of his expansion. My Hydras, not content with the 7-8 kills, followed them up with the company of two more Defilers. Fortunately, my opponent (rather foolishly IMO) hadn't bothered to replace the pylon that powered his photon cannons, so the Hydras were able to march right up to the resting Carriers. Defiler produced another orange cloud and the Hydras got to work. Meanwhile I snuck up some Zerglings to work over the buildings.
Kingtab: I hate that orange cloud thing.
Spuzz: Heh heh.
Kingtab: That's cheap! You're cheating!
Spuzz: ...
Kingtab: Back off or I'm disconnecting!!
Spuzz: !!
Kingtab: I'll disconnect if you don't stop!
WHAT
THE
FUCK
I was pissed. I answered him:
Spuzz: Let me see if I got this straight...
...you use some weird map, take the only good expansion...
...attack me with mass Carriers...
...but I'm the one cheating, because I use my race's ABILITIES???
...You've GOT to be kidding me!!
Kingtab: What?
Well, I was pretty hot and bothered. I sure as hell didn't back off, instead I took down some Stargates and Robotics facilities. Finally some Zealots came and dispatched my Hydras, but not before they put a serious dent in his base. I fumed at the computer screen, just daring the "Waiting for player: Kingtab" message to appear. It never did. He didn't disconnect.
I wanted to send more troops to continue the razings, but the fighting had left me financially and militarily reduced. I had no choice but to rebuild. Scooter really stepped up and helped coordinate the Drones to optimize their production.
At this point I knew that I was going to lose. I hadn't even made it to his mineral line; he was growing stronger while I scraped up money for just 3 Hydras. It was hopeless; all units I hatched from now on were going to be born to die. I felt dishearted until I heard a familiar voice: Scooter's. He said, "You're not going to give him an easy win, are you? Come on! We Zerg aren't about winning! We're about giving it all you've got! Who cares if you get beaten, at least you'll know you tried your best!!"
Now, I know for a fact the Zerg don't care about "giving it all you got." The Zerg want to assimilate all species to make a perfect species. Scooter, that bastard, was trying to manipulate me into making a comeback for the Zerg's own agenda. His words still inspired me, though, and I decided that I wasn't going to give Kingtab an easy victory.
I was pretty rich in the Vespene gas department, but as far as minerals were concerned, I was still hurting. Eventually I made an Ultralisk Cavern and popped out three of the lumbering badasses. I also made another Hatchery (only my third one, counting the one at my expansion). Sometime during this, he sent three Reavers to my base. Since I only had one Mutalisk (stupid, I know, but I was really hurting for resources), I lost a few structures and a lot of Zerglings before I took them down. A large number of Hydralisks died, too, so I started the painfully slow task of transporting my troops from my expansion into my base. Remember the divider between my base and my expansion? Well, I had to fly Hydras over it to help defend my main. It was a process that took a lot of precious time. (I know what you're thinking right now. Don't say it! I know! I know! Dammit, why didn't I think of it during the game!!???)
With an attack force ready, I made a plan. I wanted to get up to his expansion with the 3 Ultras, 12-18 Hydras, and 24 Zerglings. Oh, yeah, and the most important ingredient, 3 Defilers. Two Defilers would be in charge of farting in the appropriate places, providing cover for the melee warriors. The last Defiler was to be the personal bodyguard of the Hydras, who would react to any Carriers that appeared. Unfortunately, my master plan never got off the ground. I spotted some Dragoons north of my main, just sitting there obviously waiting to attack. Not wanting to miss an opportunity, Defiler scurried up to them and plauged the bastards. He then hustled back before he was spotted. Kingtab didn't respond to this...I guessed his mind was on something else. Hmm, what could be more imprtant than an attack force? Uh...maybe an attack force from the south!
2 prong attack! Aw, shit! Dozens (and I mean literally dozens) of Zealots rushed into my main from the south. Fortunately, my Ultras happened to be there, as well as a few sunken colonies. A nearby Defiler plauged them and the carnage began. Hydras from the North of my base hurried down to help. The Zealots went down with me sustaining relatively few causulties, but almost everyone was hurt significantly. Then Kingtab attacked from the North--Dragoon after Dragoon after Dragoon. The first wave was the one Defiler had plauged, so they went down relatively easy. The second and third waves, however, were almost too much. There were more Dragoons than I could count.
Not to toot my own horn or anything, but I have to admit I pulled some pretty nice micro out of my ass. I defeated the endless swarm of Dragoons. Of course, I experienced heavy losses. I only had 3 Hydras and 2 Defilers to my name. Just then the Carries struck again. 12 of them appeared and started ripping down my buildings. Defiler once again did the Dark Swarm thing, and the 3 hydras fought bravely. Meanwhile I began to slowly transport the troops at my expansion to my main, via Overlord (I know! I know! Why didn't I think of it!!??? AAAARRRRGH!!!). They never made it, though--they were shot out of the air. =(
During this, I noticed that neither of my Defilers had enough energy to perform another Dark Swarm. I frantically looked around for something to eat...nothing! No Drones, no Zerglings, nothing! I had no choice but to make Defiler eat an Overlord. It went down well, but by this time the original Dark Swarm had fallen, and my Hydras went with it. I knew the end was near.
After the Carriers decimated my main, they headed to my expansion. I still had some Hydras and a Defiler there, and those boys put up a hell of a fight. I was so proud of my little troops. They fought with all their hearts.
Kingtab: Why won't you just die??
Spuzz: Die Protoss scum!!
Just before he finished me off, Kingtab offered to ally with me so we'd both get a win. I declined, and he put an end to me. I gave him an unanswered "gg", although I wasn't really pleased with it.
All was quiet on the ruined Zerg base. Not a single life form remained. Suddenly, a low rumbling was heard from the depths of the ground. Scooter, the Drone with a heart of Gold, unburrowed to see the destruction of his base.
"Curse you, Protoss!" He screamed. "I shall piss on your ashes some day!!! This I vow! Cuuuuuurse you!!"
His screams faded into the darkness of overwhelming despair.
Lessons/things I should have done:
-Don't trust too much.
-When using a batch of Hydras under a Dark Swarm, make sure you attend to them constantly. If you don't, after they destroy the Carrier you had targetted, the Hydras will then attack whatever the hell they want, and will waste a lot of time shooting at Interceptors.
-For God's sake, I need to use a damn freakin Nydus Canal. Dammit!
-When I was low on minerals but high on gas, the unit for me to produce should have been obvious: Against mass Carriers, use Scourges! Duh!
One last thing: If the HTML doesn't work out, I apologise. I'm very new at it. In fact, all I did was learn some simple commands and suddenly I think I'm King Shit of Turd Mountain.
Any comments/suggestions about either the BR or my Zerg game are welcome. =) Once again, I apologise for the complete lack of pictures, but I just plum can;t figure them out... |
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