"i sucked. write that down"
-Squick[eu]
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| Newbieland VII: The missing CC | | | Author: | | | IP: | XXXX | | Date: | 07/17/99 02:07 | | Game Type: | Starcraft | | Labels: | Starcraft(1), Problem: Broken Images(1) | | Report Rating: , # of Ratings: 1, Max: 6, Min: 6
Lifetime Rating for JSH: 7.1000 |  | I managed to finally get on b.net today, only to find that there was no one in the channel that I hang out in. So I decided to switch over to Vanilla SC and beat somebody up. I was in for one of the wackiest games I have ever played.
Map: Challenger
Me: Random Zerg, bottom spot
Hapless opponent: Picked Terran, top spot
I didn't create this game; he did. He called it '2nd time on'. I was amused and thought this could be the making of the next Newbieland installment. Guess what? I was right.
We start and I decide to skip zerglings all together and make hydras. A minute or so into the game, he says:
"How many times have you played before?"
I respond: "A few."
He then asks: "Ever on this board?"
Board?
I say: "No, never."
Hehehe...
I figure I have nothing to worry about. I'm making hydras out of 2 hatcheries while expanding and putting up some evo chambers for upgrades. The game speed is set to Normal so everything is going in slow motion, allowing a very relaxed feel to the game. I certainly was relaxed. I thought about going out to get some fast food, but decided against it.
15 minutes into the game, he asks a simple question:
"Race?"
Is he asking me if I am a car racer? Do I like car racing? Is there car racing on ESPN2? Is he trying to race me somewhere? Oh, wait...
"What race am I?" I ask.
"Yeah."
"Terran."
Gee, you'd think he'd at least scout by now.
Oh, speaking of scouting, that's something I haven't done yet. So I make 2 zerglings, and send one to his base to see what's there. I find this:
Notice something missing? The command center's gone. However, there is a barracks and a factory on the mainland. Hmmmm....ohhh, he must have lifted it off and taken it to the island on his right so that he's nice and safe. Right, now I understand.
"Lier" (spelled that way) he says. Gosh now he knows I'm not Terran. What will I do?
"So where's your command center?" I ask.
"hehe" is what I get back.
He sure is a sneaky little devil. Yessirreebob.
Well, my hydras are bored, so I send 48 of them up to where his base would be. They encounter his amazing force of 10 marines and 1 tank, and a somewhat lopsided battle occurs:
Well, that was interesting. Time to take down those two buildings. Oh, but look, he's trying to be sneaky again!
Unfortunately the buildings didn't make it.
My opponent inserts an insightful comment of "Cheesy."
Now I'm just waiting on my Overlord transport (speed is done already). I send one brave overlord to see what he has in his fortress.
Ooh, two turrets defending. Scary.
I grab a control group of overlords from home: Smelly, Stinky, Chubby, Droopy, Lazy, Fatty, Spitty, Drooly, Slimy, Pukey, Speedy, and Dorky. And I tell them to go up to where the anonymous hydras are hanging out.
Transport finishes and the hydras load up into the overlords. They fly into his peon line (now reinforced with a whooping 4 turrets) and lay waste to his, um, main.
But he's not eliminated. Grrrr, time for a building hunt. I finally find a single barracks on the top left side. And guess what's being built next to it?
A bunker?
"Oh yeah, my SCV's'll be safe in there huh huh heh huh."
Mercifully, the game ends.
I think about the only lesson learned from this game is that you can lose IQ points playing these types of games. But they make good battle reports.
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