Cheesy Introduction
It is Dawn. The first blade of sunlight pierces the darkness, stabbing forward in a brillantly colored display. Fiery incandescence slowly spreads across the scene, revealing varied plant life, docile beasts of every kind, and stunning geological structures. Intricately worked ruins, the last legacies of an ancient civilization, blend in perfectly with the surrounding landscape. It is truly a picturesque image of nature’s beauty.
That is, until the Humans came.
After the first rumble of mammoth buildings reverberated throughout the land, it became strikingly apparent that this tiny corner of the Galaxy would never be the same again.
Still Introduction
Early Game
The openings of both players, were, of course, timed nearly perfectly with each other. Depots are erected near-simultaneously, Barracks pop up immediately afterwards, and greasy Refineries are soon to follow. Unlike Boxer, Josez decides to wallin at his ramp, aiming to deny his opponent reconnaissance for the first few minutes of the game.
Josez finds Boxer quickly. Without a wallin, there’s nothing preventing the red SCV from ambling up the ramp and checking out Boxer’s brand-spanking new real estate. Sadly, his polite request for a cup of sugar is rather rudely turned down, and he retreats immediately at gunpoint, a newly built Marine hot on his trail. All that Josez gained from that intelligence is the knowledge that Boxer is at 6, and that he has a Factory under construction. In other words, he’s completely in the dark as to what Boxer’s Build Order and strategy is. I must commend Boxer here, for building the Marine and denying his opponent what could have been very valuable recon.
Similar to his previous game with Nal_Ra, Boxer decides against early scouting. His SCV first checks the center of the map (Presumably in case Josez tries any cheesy Proxy shenanigans), then darts over to 9. Something weird here to note is that Boxer’s SCV didn’t actually have any of the characteristic orange engine exhaust during this trip. Whatever. The SCV operator soon finds himself smack-dab against Josez's wallin: an utterly impenetrable barrier, which leaves the SCV with no way to complete his vital mission.
Wait a minute. Boxer? Impassible obstacle? Yeah, right!
In what has to be one of the sneakiest little moves I’ve ever witnessed in all of the replays I’ve watched, Boxer begins Supply Depot construction right up against the vile enemy Barracks, waits until his SCV has moved over to the far side of the uncompleted building, cancels the Depot, and waypoints his SCV to a spot immediately past the wallin. It takes merely seconds for the entire strategem to execute, and the end result? Boxer’s SCV is forced through an impossible squeeze. Josez must’ve realized the danger, because halfway through this manuever, he queues up a Marine inside his Barracks. But it’s far too late, and Boxer’s SCV now has free roam of the Red base. Boxer’s floating Barracks is now also approaching the enemy main, but due to its abysmal speed, it’d have taken a good 20 more seconds for Boxer to discover with his Barracks what his SCV is now revealing to him. It’s worth noting here that Boxer’s late scout actually ends up being far more fruitful than Josez’s early one. Not only does Boxer now know his enemy’s placement, but also his entire early game build order, while Josez still has no clue what Boxer is planning. As any competent player will tell you, many games are won and lost on reconassiance alone, making this a smashing victory for Boxer.
And it’s quite the information that the SCV provides. Spotting 1 completed factory, 1 uncompleted factory, an uncompleted starport, and an uncompleted armory, there’s no doubt; Josez is gearing up for a fast and powerful Goliath drop, preferably on top of Boxer’s SCVs. Boxer, surprisingly, is going for a very similar build. He’s a little late on his Starport, opening with dual Factories instead of Fac/Port. Boxer now knows the following: while he may be able to produce more units than Josez at the start, he will not be the first one with Dropships, and therefore will not have the initiative, and therefore he will be forced into the role of defender for the first exchange. He begins Goliath production, starts a Command Center at his natural, and waits for his opponent’s move.
How do you defeat someone who laughs at the very laws of physics? I don’t know, but gritty Josez is determined to try. His floating Engineering Bay at last reaches the heart of the teal Terran encampment, and Josez finally determines his opponent’s build order. Boxer decides to keep things interesting by moving his Goliaths away from the Engineering Bay, keeping Josez in the dark for a precious few more seconds. However, upon sighting the Double Factories pumping Goliaths, Josez wisely moves his Bay away from the Terran base. Boxer picks up four of his five Goliaths with his Dropship, and hesitates. To attack the retreating Bay or not?
While he’s pondering his options, Josez spices things up a bit. If by spice you mean four metal beasts slamming heavily down onto Boxer’s plateau, then yeah. The red-flecked walkers aim their menacing barrels straight at the hapless SCVs, intent on causing as much death as possible. A bit of scattered chaingun fire and thumping impacts later, and Boxer’s own metal monstrosities rumble into battle, flanked by the Dropship. The battle is resoundingly met, with roughly equal numbers of fighters per side. Boxer employs yet another amazing mindtrick here by reloading his Dropship up to full capacity, and then dropping off Goliaths outside of the enemy's missile range. By the time the Dropship finally reaches the searing core of the battle, only a single Goliath remains inside the Dropship. After landing the unit in the midst of the heated firefight, the now-empty Dropship slowly wheels about, drawing a cluster of missiles up its blazing exhaust and shielding the heavily wounded friendlies. It finally crashes to earth in a smoldering ruin, but Josez’s walkers are dropping like flies against the overwhelming pressure. The red Dropship helplessly bobs in mid-air over the battle, silently observing the deaths of friends. It, too, is soon driven out of range as the last of Josez’s Goliaths are smashed to wreckage. Boxer emerges strikingly ahead from this encounter, trading one of his SCVs and his Dropship for the entire Red Drop force of four Goliaths.
Josez, however, is a true contender. One of his brave SCVs uses the battle as cover to sneak past the teal Marine and Vulture guarding the pass to Boxer’s natural, and ends up blindly stumbling into Boxer’s nearly completed Command Center. Josez can’t simply hand Boxer over the lost initiative and prepare for a counter-attack: with a weaker economy, he’ll effectively be handing Boxer the game. And who would want to do that? As he mulls over his options, Boxer’s Goliaths vent their frustrations on Josez’s floating building. Over the powerful howl of his exploding Engineering Bay, Josez decides to fight like a man…or die like one.
Mid game
Update
It’s roughly 8:30 in. Boxer’s expansion is on-line and functioning at full capacity, gathering Minerals and Vespene to further Boxer’s warfare aims. Josez is down on Golaiths compared to Boxer, with only 5 compared to Boxer’s 8. On the other hand, Josez’s strike force is supported by two Siege Tanks, while Boxer’s now dubious choice in an expansion delays his tech. Reasoning that Siege Tanks offer him a solid advantage in the ground war, Josez throws together every single attacking unit he owns for a second drop. This one’s for keeps.
Warning klaxons blare stridently over the Terran base when the intruders are sighted, and haggard SCVs yet again run for their pathetic lives. Three red careening Dropships unload their deadly cargo directly above Boxer’s Refinery, and Josez’s plan becomes obvious: Blitz the wretched SCVs with long-range artillery strikes while using Goliaths as defensive support. If Boxer waffles on the defense, all Josez has to do is to shuttle more units over, establish a cancerous beachead inside Boxer’s main, and tear it apart it from the inside-out. Siege Tanks smash down their massive supports, Golaith cannons slash through the feeble SCV armor, and Boxer’s main is threatened with total destruction.
But Boxer has a few more tricks up his sleeve. Demonstrating those truly inhuman reflexes that have propelled him to the ranks of superstars, Boxer orders his 2 Dropships, both Goliath-filled, to fly an intercept course towards the enemy Dropships. By reacting immediately, the first of Boxer’s valiant Golaiths tumble from the Dropships even before Josez’s Tanks have finished Sieging. Some unfortunate mechs land too far away from the Tanks; they are brutally toppled by concentrated Arclite fire. Others, however, land among the throng of enemy walkers; they perish quickly, too, but friendly splash-damage is slowly taking its toll. Through sheer attrition, one sputtering red mech collapses into the dirt, victim of it’s own side’s firepower. Goliaths of both sides plunge to earth like so many felled trees, and as the smoke clears, the only survivors are revealed: Josez’s Siege Tanks. Boxer’s two reinforcement Tanks are immediately blown away, and at first it appears that Josez may still do substantial damage to Boxer's main. Unfortunately for Josez, Boxer has exactly one more type of offensive unit left to his name: the Terran SCV. A handful of teal SCVs dart in under the murderous hail of artillery fire and commence mining operations on the Tank exteriors. The two nearly-dead Tanks fall in seconds, and with that, Josez’s entire Dropforce is completely routed. Josez has done horrendous damage to Boxer’s army, destroying every single one of Boxer’s military units. But his losses are too costly, the damage to Boxer not enough. Josez is agonizingly close to conquering the one, dominant pinnacle of Starcraft skill, but with both armies utterly decimated, Boxer’s two bases give him a massive advantage over Josez.
That does not please Josez. Not one bit. He knows that Boxer’s newly built 3rd factory will make the game unwinable in a matter of minutes, so the time to strike, again, is now. Formulating a last, desperate plan, he puts his final three tanks into his waiting Dropship, knowing that the fate of the game lies directly on this move.
Boxer has a single Goliath for base defense, but his three Factories are pumping them out like fast-food hamburgers. Boxer can survive this…not unscathed, but if he uses his miners to distract the tanks long enough, Goliath reinforcements can turn the tide.
Then Boxer notices something else popping out of those Dropships, and violently starts. SCVs?! What the hell is this? Josez must truly be desperate! In total, 12 red SCVs enter the warzone along with the Tanks, ready to sacrifice their lives for the cause. Boxer quickly orders his own embittered SCV Corps to strike at the imposing Tanks, bent on ending their lives…but the Red SCVs clog the path, get in the way, and foul up Boxer’s plan. In a skirmish eerily reminiscent of SCV Football, large numbers of SCVs explode against the enemy fusion cutters in a wild, no holds-barred melee. But Boxer can bring more workers to bear than Josez can, and soon Boxer's SCVs penetrate the shaky ranks of the enemy miners, and succesfully kill one of the Tanks. Smelling blood, he orders the rest of his miners to directly assault the remaining Tanks, stopping this insanity once and for all. Then Josez changes tactics.
Red SCVs suddenly form a protective circle around the first of the beleaguered Siege Tanks while breaking out their Cutters for another purpose entirely: Repair. With roughly equal numbers of SCVs on each side, the two opposing forces acting on Siege Tank health hang at equilibrium for several seconds…but Siege Tank shells take their toll on the Teal SCVs, leaving more burning wreckage in the ground. In a stunning victory, every single one of the SCVs at Boxer’s main explode violently, while Josez’s now full-health Tanks open fire on the Terran base. A reinforcement Red Tank joins the party, and Boxer’s base is yet again laid bare to a remorseless enemy.
All, however, is not lost for Boxer. The delay caused in fighting the SCVs buys him the time to receive reinforcements from his Factories, to the tune of three Goliaths. Josez is hastily erecting Missile Turrets around the Tanks, and Boxer will be damned if he lets Josez have his main this easily. Three Teal Goliaths unload around the Tanks and open fire on the Drop force. Red SCVs are unfortunately distracted by machine gun fire, and abandon their posts and comrades. One Tank goes up in smoke…then a second. Josez has only one Tank left to battle Boxer’s now 4 Goliaths, and things look grim.
But Boxer has nothing to match SCVs acting as one. Their repair Cutters fix on that one, desperate Tank, knowing that the death of this single unit will lose the game for Josez. 4 Goliaths focus fire on the Tank, ripping apart armored plates and damaging vital Tank infrastructure…but the power of the SCVs cannot be undone. With them healing the Tank faster than Boxer can kill it, and with their circular formation preventing Boxer’s Goliaths from closing ranks with the Tank, Boxer is forced to fire on the SCVs. But it’s too late; the last of his Goliaths perish to Arclite rounds, and the shaken Boxer immediately realizes how delicately he hangs onto life.
Red’s Drop force is reinforced with another two Tanks, which under the cover of completed Missile Turrets unload their deadly cargo. Boxer tenaciously fights back against this further intrusion, expertly using his Dropship and Goliaths to great effect. One of Josez’s Tanks explodes brillantly under the heavy barrage…then a second, and for a brief, shining moment, it looks as though Boxer may pull off yet another dazzling comeback.
But it is not to be. With Josez shuttling reinforcements from his main with his three Dropships, Boxer’s Factories rapidly begin to burn. Without a sizeable gas income, Boxer attempts to research Vulture speed and mines from his dual Machine shops, hoping against hope that a few well-place mines could make all the difference. Sadly, he’s far too late, and one of the factories explodes before Speed can finish. Mines finish, but with a militia composed primarily of slow Vultures, Boxer’s units are rendered useless. The Tanks push through the debris, sieging above Boxer’s natural and raining firey death on the helpless miners below.
Josez is now mining from his natural, and he’s putting the money to good use. Boxer’s main is gone, his army is dead, his natural will soon follow, but he isn’t giving up. What’s he planning?
Josez’s SCV and Dropship soon find out the hard way. That is, at the screaming missiles and blazing lasers of Wraiths. Wraiths?! Yes, Boxer has a new fortress at 3 o’clock, from which he‘s pumping out Wraiths. Truly strong headed this Boxer is, refusing to even countenance a surrender to overwhelming force. Josez, however, holds the game firmly in his iron fist, and knows that a win over Boxer is not enough now: he must win with style. Boxer’s pair of Wraiths soon notice a tiny force of 2 Tanks, 2 SCVs, and 2 Goliaths headed his way, and he realizes that the jig is up. The SCVs crumble, the Command Center is ground into powder, and over the sounds of his tumbling Wraiths, Boxer is pathetically forced to leave the game. Disgust reigns over his face as he painfully realizes the true extent to which Josez owned the 'invincible' champion.
Epilogue: How (not) to pick up chicks.
Starring: Lithium_
Everyone reading this report should know my good pal, one Lithium . He's a man of intelligence, wit, strength, and subtelty, as I'm sure you've gathered from his numerous Battlereport starrings and Alt-Text cameos. He's nearly as infamous as Poor_lil_Newb, and there's one art in which Lithium dabbles like a true master, one skill in which his ability is recognized world-round, one language in which everyone understands him in. What is this mysterious prowess of which I speak?
Picking up chicks.
And as we all know from Starcraft, one of the best ways to improve one's skill is to observe the true experts. For example, let us take Lithium's first reaction to Pretty_'s gender. After establishing that she is, in fact, a girl, the guru immediately puts on the charm:
Astonishing! But that's not all! Lithium's first prod into Pretty's personality is working, and with the sure knowledge of a champion, he awaits her response. Look at the poise!
I hope it's been educational. Thanks for reading!
