WARNING:

I sat in Clan Naoc waiting for the Blizzard automated tournament button to appear, mentally rehearsing the order of events soon to come.

Join Game. Win Game. Repeat.

I blinked as the JOIN GAME button flashed across the top of the channel. I clicked on the button and waited. The order of things to come still fresh in my mind, I jumped as I found a game. I paused.

"Oh God."

A man of mystery, moreso to himself than others who strangely don't seem to care. What you could call the average Blizzard gamer- one who likes to think of himself as "gosu", but in reality is nothing more than a mere chobofucker. Known for occasional flashes of brilliance in Blizzard games, but his genius often goes unnoticed when masked by his stupidity in real life. Called "Batman" by Cowboy_Bebop/FlavorOfYellow. Whether this is his secret identity or merely a sick petname has yet to be determined, but Bebop is surely Endersshadow's "Robin".

My opponent for this random match up. Not much you need to know about him other than his status as #1 SOLO PLAYER ON USEAST.

NE vs. NE. Fun!

I landed at the 3:00 posistion in the orange trunks, with Bey (it's Beyblade backwards, get it??) landing at 6:00 in yellow. We both quickly build an altar and moonwell, exchanging pleasantries while I secretly (and not so secretly) curse the Battle.net gods for such a gross matchup. As soon as my altar finishes I begin queing a Warden for my army, while Bey goes for a Demon Hunter, obviously for manaburn. We begin construction of our hunter's hall at approximately the same time, and get some ancients of war underway. Having scouted, I send my newly made warden off to his base with the intention of cohersing some wisps into joining my cause. That or fan o' knivesing them. Yeah.

I get to his base quickly considering our base placement, and immediately scour the trees on the screen for that tell-tale sparkle of wisp activity. I spot a few in the corner of his base, and charge headlong into Bey's camp to get some early kills. However, his superior moonwell placement allows him to cycle wisps back and forth away from my Warden, and his Demon Hunter's mana burn forces me to leave. I run my Warden back to my base with the Demon Hunter in hot pursuit until he turns around and heads home. No doubt throwing some heavy insults over his shoulder.

Back at home I've been training several huntresses for battle. While I wait a moment for my warden to heal, Bey takes advantage of the weeny creeps in the temple. I again send my Warden to his base, but after a fast wisp detonate I find myself without any mana to cast fan of knives. No matter. I see his swarm (five actually, but it seemed like thousands!) of hunts returning to his base at the same time that I spot several wisps. I manage to get off one good fan of knives, killing two wisps and damaging all of his huntresses, before teleporting to safety. At this point Bey begins the production of dastardly siege engines.

I take a moment to heal in my base with four huntresses while Bey goes off to creep. After clearing the Dragonspawn camp, his Demon Hunter hits level two and gains all the yummy benefits of level one evasion. Where am I? Off to harass of course!

I shadowmeld my units on the pathway between our bases for early detection of any attack he might decide to make, while I wait for two more hunts to arrive on the scene. I'm surprised when my opponent runs right into me before I'm ready however. I giggle like a Christian school girl as I remember that he can't see my shadowmelded units. I let the majority of his forces pass through before ambushing a lone huntress, quickly bringing it down with a fan of knives and focus fire. With an unbelievably fast reaction time though, Bey turns an about-face and begins attacking me. I shadowmeld quickly as he has no detection, only to realize that he is in no need of it. I gasp (again like a school girl, see a trend here?) as two balistas come into view, knowing his intentions immediately.

The balistas begin launching their ridiculously sized glaives atop my hidden forces as he's decided to attack ground. The attack ground comand is useful for hitting a certain area for about a third the balista's normal damage, which allows a certain extent of crowd control in large battles. The command is friend to no one though, and his own units take minor damage from the shrapnel. Knowing I've got to make a break for it I run four hunts away, closely followed by my Warden and two other hunts that had rallied to her. Only two fan of knives got off the entire confrontation. Thanks mana burn.

At this point I'm desperate, as I see that he has not only a larger force of huntresses than I do, but he also has siege providing support in the rear. After stopping at my moonwells for a moment to heal, I race towards my natural ramp in an attempt keep him out of my base. We clash for a few seconds as he attempts to gain entrace, but again I'm forced to give ground since my units arrived in a ragged line formation. I do manage to chip away at his Demon Hunter however.

While Bey situates himself on my ramp I frantically begin production of my own balistas in an attempt to end his range advantage. With five huntresses, two balistas, and my Warden, I charge his five huntresses and damaged Demon Hunter. Unfortunately they are now backed by six balistas. The bastard.

We both lose a huntress immediately as the battle begins, his from a fan of knives and mine from the eleven glaives buried in her back. I dance my huntresses back and forth trying to stave off the effects of his siege while his own hunts get in free hits. I fall back twice to heal, and the second time I'm forced back Bey rushes in and puts an end to my balistas. Now without my own siege to counter him and my wells dry, I stand my ground and fight hunt to hunt. The sound of whizzing glaives fills my room, and I stare on as my army slowly falls to the power of Bey's balistas. I do manage to significantly damage the majority of his huntresses and his Demon Hunter (80 hp!) with fan of knives, but I lose my Warden to extreme focus fire coming in from all directions. I stare in astonishment as his now eight balistas destroy my two ancients of war in one volley each, and reach for that sad QUIT GAME button. With only three damaged hunts remaining to face his army, I attack command them into certain death and leave with a "gg".

Well, if you think about it I didn't have much chance going in to begin with. Not at all a bad game if you want to download it, but keep in mind it was played several levels and several dozen wins ago. Thanks to edaLbyeb for a fun and tense match, as well as Mr. Newbypants AlbinoSquirrel for putting up with my newbish antics on Battle.net. I would also like to thank all mah peeps at the warsmith for giving me somewhere to go during those long school hours. The next time I make a report I'll be sure to include pictures, but for now I take my leave to troll the comments section.

"No lessons learned. Thanks for reading, and may the good mojo be with you."
-Dialtone