It's your lovable Peon reporter Pr0be back again! As you can tell from my enormous title pic (stolen from Eldritch, gg Eldritch, j/j) this is not a MechWarrior report! You're all wondering, well, it must be a PlanetSide report then. Nope, it's an Escape Velocity Report! Whoohoo! Now while my pics load, I will have to bore you with this intro.
EVN is a great game, and I'm happy Eldritch conned me into buying it with his excellent reports. To learn more about EVN, read EE's reports, or click this purdy lil link Here. I've completed two of the 6 Storylines, and the following will detail my adventures as a Pirate Pr0be. (Hint hint, sux0r, please stay out of Pirate storyline plz?) Sit back, stuff your head with popcorn, and enjoy the battlereport. Also, turn the beepers and cellphones off, god you annoying buggers.

It all began at Port Kane in the Kania system. I'm known as Pr0be or "Peon" to my friends. I decide not to play in strict play. In strict play, when you die, you're done, no playing anymore. You always have to have a finger on the Eject button, and waste valuable space with an escape pod. With it off, when you die you just respawn at the planet you last landed on. Anything you did after taking off from that planet isn't saved though.

I finally murdered my family to get enough money.....err...I win the lottery to get enough money to buy a tiny little shuttle craft. Thinking of names from the ever popular game StarCraft, I decide on Teh Corsair. BWAHAHAHA! Fear my Light Blaster of doom. DOOM! Actually it's the worst weapon in the game, :(. I also buy a Solar Panel, they recharge your fuel slowly, and prevent you from getting stuck in the middle of nowhere with no fuel.

This is the United Shipping mission beginning. I hate UN Shipping missions, because they're always timed and timed stuff sucks. I accept, because the first one is never timed, and it's an easy way to get some credits. I accept.

I get a little arrow on my map telling me where to go, and off I go! I stop to refuel along the way, because shuttles only carry enough fuel for 4 jumps. Codehaven was quite a few jumps away. One of my stops is good ole Earth in the Sol system.

I decide to buy a nice Heavy Shuttle there, they pack TWO Light Blasters, have enough juice for another jump, and have more armor and shielding. The extra armor is helpful for when pirates decide you would make an excellent target for target practice. It's also great for when you wander into enormous firefights, which happens often when you're in a tiny piece of crap shuttle.

I name my new terrifying vessle of doom and death, Teh Upgraded Corsair. Yup, now Pr0be is cruising in his 1/1 ship. He then sent his corsair to harass some overlords at the 6 o clock main, thus disrupting the mineral gathering....errr....nevermind.

I jump to Kerella, but then quickly jump out due to the enormous firefight going on. It seems a bunch of Irish Mercenaries are beating the snot out of an Auroran Cruiser. The Cruiser mounts Railguns, and tends to spray the area with them. Not good for a tiny shuttle like me. I jump into Sirius, which is mostly deserted. One last jump into Codehaven, where I land and pick up the goods. Now I have to deliver them to SpaceDock I in the Gateway system.

Well, I take off and encouter a battle between a Federation Destroyer and a Class C Pirate Starbridge. I know the Starbridge will lose, and hang back a while to watch. Sure enough, the Starbride is disabled. My trustry Upgraded Corsair zooms over to it, and I attempt to board it. Sadly, before I am able to line up with it, the Destroyer comes back. Naturally, I'm right on top of it, and what does he blast? Me. I get blasted so hard my ship decides to just shut down. There I am, no engines, no weapons, no naughty television channels... Errr, right. I radio the Destroyer for help, he blew me up, he can fix me.

WHAT!!???

HE WANTS MONEY? That cheap, dirty, backstabbing jerk. Oh boy when I get a better ship than this shuttle I'm gonna hunt him down, and rip his spleen out through his left ear. BWAHAHAH!
Ermm. Yes. I agree to pay the hefty fee of 1,000 Credits, and he repairs my ship enough that I can fly (but the TV's still out, gg) back to Codec for full repairs. They fix me up, and I'm on my way. I jump back to Sol, and meet up with Charengo the Cunjo Hunter. I think Cunjo's are chickens twice the size of a man with sharp talons and beak. Maybe not. I agree to take him and some other bums out to hunt for 75k credits. Luckily, it's right by where I need to deliver those UN Shipping goods.

I jump into Horizon and land on Hourglass. There we slaughter giant chickens with all sorts of neat futuristic weapons. Everyone gets back into the ship, and all I have to do is deliver them to Sol for an easy 75k.

I jump into the Gateway system to deliver my UN Shipping package, and manage to land in yet another enormous dogfight. The Aurorans and the Feds are duking it out again, and I stay out of the way. The Aurorans are a society that is very primitive and war-loving. They also like dying honorable deaths. Despite all the savages, I manage to land on SpaceDock I without a scratch, w00t!

I drop off my package for an easy 10k credits. Also, all those Un Shipping Missions are available from the Mission BBS. I wonder what the BBS stands for... Oh well, it's just a place to get missions. Now back to Earth to drop all these Chicken-Slaying Wierdos off!

I drop Charengo and his pals off, and snag all that nice money. Now I've got about 100k, which is enough for....Lots of Heavy Shuttles! Sadly, this won't buy me a new ship. But...it is enough capital to start a trade run! Hurray!

What is a trade run you ask? Well, some places sell goods at a Low or Medium Price. Some sell the at a High Price. Therefore, buying goods at a Low Price and selling at a High one will make oodles of cash, correct? I decide to start the Europa-Earth Trade Run. Luckily enough, they're in the same system, so that saves money on fuel for Hyperjumps. Look at this picture, now.

As you can see, I'm buying Luxury Goods for 900, and then selling them for 1125. This is a 200 credit profit PER TON. Sadly, my ship carries only 15 tons. That means a 3k profit per trip. That's not enough. I hire a Terrapin escort for 1.1k a day. He can haul 125 cargo, which is a lot of profit. Slowly but surely I make more money, and more, and then I hire more terrapins. 1,2,3,4,5, and then finally 6, which is the Max number of escorts you can have.

Here is my doom fleet of...unarmed Terrapins. w00t! They can haul tons of cargo, and only cost me around 7k a day. Soon, I reach my goal...

Whoohoo! I reach over a million smackers! Now I fire all my escorts and set off to buy a new ship. I jump to Tichel, which is right next to Sol. This is a shady Pirate port, and they sell many illegal weapons and many Pirate Ships. Bwahahah!

I buy a Pirate Starbridge, a nasty little craft armed with Blasters and Missiles. I also give it a RailGun and a couple of Fusion Pulse Cannons. FPCs are Auroran blasters that pack an extreme short range punch. They also only weigh 6 tons, so you can grab a lot.

Here's me owning asteroids as I fly around randomly shooting. The Yellow is a Medium Blaster, the Red is an FPC, and the blue thing is a Railgun. Railguns have insanely long ranges, and they do decent damage.

Well, that's just about the end of my report. I hope you enjoyed it. And now, to alleviate some of your confusion, here's a MAP! Yay! I also drew little pictures on it. Err, no that wasn't me, I swear.

This has been a Pr0be insanE Electronic Production of Extreme Ediocy! (PEEPEE)
-Pr0be, not probe, or Upgraded_Probe
Comment you bastards!