A Mercenary Born: Part III
Sorry for the wait, recently I've become addicted to a game called PlanetSide, which has taken up a lot of my time. In fact, I'm thinking about doing a PS report very soon. *Wink* *Cough* What the hell is PlanetSide you ask? Well, while you wait for my huge-ass pics to load, I'll tell you.
PlanetSide is a MMOFPS, which means Massively Multiplayer Online First Person Shooter. Imagine Counter-Strike or BF1942 set in the future with about 3000 people duking it out at once. Yeah. It's big. Check out more of it here.
Now, because all the pics have loaded, we will start the report. Sadly, this report lacks monkeys, but it does have...ummm...other stuff. Sit back, and enjoy. Please turn all beepers or cellphones off.
Alright, where were we last? Oh yes, Solaris, the planet of not-so-harmless spectator sports. After I won the Jungle Light competition, I unlocked several new ones. I picked the Coliseum to be my next stomping ground. I chose my Wolfie, again. I'm sure you're bored with it, but trust me, it's the best freakin' light mech in the game. Here's a large image I put in to make people drool all over their keyboards.
Alright, I easily win this arena battle, despite some loser named Terrance Munson attempting to use the best light mech (Wolfhound). Copycat. Also worth mentioning is the fact that another loser in a PINK Raven (crappy light mech with lots of sensors) allied me before I was able to utterly destroy him. I kept my throttle revved to the max, and circled around the enemies while firing my ER Medium Lasers and Large X-Pulse at them. This quickly ate away at their armor, and all were destroyed. Now my ally sent me some sappy, "Look's like it's just you and me." He's probably hoping for some gay cyber. I smash his center torso in with my lasers, and he dies a torturous agonizing death. Hehe. Those kind of deaths always make me happy.
I quickly enter the Medium-Coliseum match with my good ole Bushwacker. Upon entering, the announcer blabs for several minutes about a guy named Alex Haight. This Alex guy is supposed to be really awesome, and he kicks butt at arenas. He's a merc too, and disappeared for two years to fulfill a "job" according to Mr. Blowhard Announcer. Out of pure spite, and pure insanity, I go after Alex with a vengeance, taking random potshots at everyone in my way. I quickly take him out, and I'm told by Sir Talks-a-lot that he was scouting the medium class for any up and coming mechwarriors, and got his ass handed to him on a plate while doing it. Hehe, that makes me feel warm inside.
Next I meet my old buddy Terrance. Yes, the same poser Terrance that used MY SIGNATURE MECH in the Light circuit. Grrrrrrrrr. After disposing of Alex, he becomes the next target. Several salvos of SRMs riddle his mech, and the Gauss is applied liberally. Sadly, he runs away and I go back to shooting people randomly.
Sadly, due to my random tactics, and several enemy mechs blowing up in my face, I become heavily damaged. My torso is blinking red, meaning all armor is gone, and shots are hitting internal electronics. A good hit to my Center Torso would kill me, and guess where the next hit lands.
Yup, the almighty Pr0be has been felled. I eject from my poor shattered Bushwacker, and collect 1.5 million along with a little more in kill bonuses. I nab third place, which isn't that bad. I decide that the Posse doesn't need to stick around this corrupted house of gambling and death, so we hotfoot it to Eaton. I buy some new stuff, and repair my Bushwacker.
Meh, this mission is simple. The only way to possibly die is to overheat to the point where your mech explodes, which I haven't managed to achieve yet. The battle takes place in a desert, and mechs run very hot. I enjoy a few roasted marshmallows while piloting my new mech. Yeah I was gonna show off my Black Knight, and I will next battle. This is a Loki, it's pretty nice. While playing online I amassed an awe-inspriring score of 7-12 in a Loki. That's 7 kills, 12 deaths. Hey people online can punch through your center torso before you can line up your crosshairs. Not kidding.
I squash the few tanks I encounter, and then blow up some fuel tanks to engulf another in a massive fireball. He dies too. The convoy stops, and my tactical advisor tells me that Myrmidons are inbound. Myrms are nasty buggers, they pack PPCs, really big laser cannons. My lance and I kill the light tanks, and I'm also informed of Nighthawks inbound. Nighthawks are flying toilet paper, 1 hit will cause them to go into a paralyzing nosedive and die instantly. The only way they can hurt you is if they sneak up behind you and whale away while you're busy with someone else, if they swarm you, or if while you're killing them they plummet into you and explode. In this case, they swarm us, but are quickly taken down anyway. After that, it switches to a cut scene where you lay down the law to the convoy, and steal all their shit. Yay! Piracy!
OK, I'll make all of you happy by using the Black Knight in the next mission. Sadly, due to beating the shit out of my enemies with a lance of heavy mechs, my drop fee goes through the roof and I make a 43,000 C-Bill profit. Now I can buy a Machine Gun, yay. I quickly take part B of the mission, which is practically the same, only this time I'm swarmed by heavier tanks, and mechs actually appear. Fortunately I get air support, and we lay some smack down. I don't really like the Black Knight too much, it's OK. It only packs Lasers, no Guns or missiles. Obviously, it generates enough heat to roast pigs let alone marshmallows. I ratchet up to 100,000 heat, and the BK shuts down. I drain my Flush Coolant, a limited source of coolant used to well, cool. Then I start the mech up again and finish the mission, it's pretty simple.
We salvage more parts, and sell some of them that suck, and make a tiny amount of money. With the profits from selling things, I buy a Sunder. These are 90-ton monsters mounting tons of weapons. Not bad. This is a night mission, requiring you to turn on night vision, which turns the whole screen a fuzzy green color. I refrained from taking any SS due to the low quality of the shots, but here's the beginning info.
I proceed to Nav Alpha, and destroy some laser turrets. The place is swarming with enemy vehicles, which I step on. Somehow, the convoy I'm supposed to stop escapes, losing me a 150k bonus. Grrr. A few enemy light mechs show up, but we trounce them easily. The main opposition was a few Demolisher 2 tanks, mean little tanks with Autocannons. We salvage everything and I buy a new mech. This time I grab a Mad Cat, a heavy mech mounting serious weaponry. Very nice.
Can it be? Paco the Spaniard? In the corner of that pic? Let's interview him.
Pr0be:So Paco, you speako Englisho?
Paco:Me no speako Englisho. Me speako Spanisho.
Pr0be:Ok, I'll try to communicate with him, I know Spanish.
Pr0be:Paco, do you-o like-o enchiladas-o?
Paco:Si, me like-o enchiladas-o very-o much-o.
Translator:This man is faking, he can't speak Spanish!
Paco:YOU LIE! I mean-o, you-o lie-o.
Pr0be:Hey, you're not Spanish, DIE!
-Please Standy By-
Errm, ok. That didn't go so well. I'm contracted to defend a bunch of mansions, particularly one owned by the Governor. I think about spamming Mornin' Govena' thousands of times, but decide against it. The fighting is erm...not fierce. I encounter light mech and light tank opposition. I take a Thanatos, nice mech, lighter than most in my arsenal. It packs the biggest Autocannon in the game, an LBXAC20, this badboy does massive amounts of damage, but with a short range. Time for a picture.
Some retard has matched a Flea up against me. There might have been more than one, but they died so fast I was lucky to capture a screen of this one. One LBXAC20 shot kills a Flea. Somehow, a mansion gets blown up. Senator Rich-asshole is out of a house, too bad. Pay me or I'll firebomb you, bizatch. Oh well, I win the mission and collect my pay. I take the next mission, which involves me reinforcing front lines of a war. This is the last mission on Eaton, and I'll be glad to get off this rock. I was unable to get any good screenies due to trying to stay alive during most of the action. We get swarmed by several lances of Light/Medium/Heavy mechs and lots of Light tanks. I take out many Wolfhounds, and a few others as well. This time, I use the Sunder. After completing the mission, I hire a bed-I mean wingmate. Time for the last pic.
Blaze, I hope she's hot in bed too. Hehe. Well, I get my name in the news twice, and enjoy a well-needed rest.
I hope you enjoyed this report. Please take the time to check this site out, it's really awesome. Also, I end this report faced with a dilemna. Should I join Katrina Steiner's Lyran Star Alliance, or her brother Prince Victor Davion's Federated Commonwealth? What do you guys think? Vote in the comments section please.
-Pr0be
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