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The 1 vs 2
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Author:Random)Hero
IP:adsl-61-XXXX
Date: 11/06/02 02:11
Game Type: Starcraft
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Battlereporters: Battle report any game on b.net, but you cant be any jaood of U.S. East. Gotta be handy with the HTML, earn you Golds

I recently discovered my love for 2v2, because I've discovered how much I suck at 1v1. Team games are just more fun, especialy with the great new features like shared resources and the mini-map signal. But there's always those allies that just can't compete and leave before the team has accomplished anything. In Brood War, this almost always spelled defeat. But in Warcraft 3, shared unit control and horribly imbalanced units (you know who) can turn a 1vs2 upside down, leading to the ever-rewarding Le GG.

This is a game I played on the last night of version 1.03. As you know, Night Elves got beat with the Blizzard stick, especial the Daemon Hunter. Although this victory would have been possible in 1.04, it wouldnt have been as hilariously imbalanced! Anyway, on to the game.



*Note: henceforth, VASH will be refered to as I since he=me. Capisce?

The game started out as any 2v2 would with me quickly getting my build order straight then saying hi to my ally. Being that he had chosen Night Elf and I had got them the random way I was prepared for an uneventful matchup. Dual-NE before 1.04 was a pretty thoughtless match up: Heavy huntresses early game, Get dryads/druids later, Metamorphosis/starfall and call it a day. Since I'd perfected my pattern for getting a level 6 DH on lost temple many a time I was even more confident. As soon as my altar and moon well finished I begain my Huntress, er I mean hunters hall and first ancient of war in quick succession. I also sent out a wisp to see what I could see.tick-tock A little before my Matt Damon Hunter popped out I took a quick look at my ally's base to see that he had a lovely line of three moon wells and a dormant altar with no hero in site. "Ok, I thought,"he's an idiot. But ive had worse." Little did I know those moon wells would save my life many a time. omg how 1337

Around this time my Emo hunter was born, and I sent him out to kill the unsuspecting gnolls right beneath my base. He did so in typical emo fasion, all the while moping about the huntress that left him for a Druid of the claw in 9th grade. My wisp arrived at Neo_Dragon's base and was promptly entangled by a fruity Keeper of the grove. This hero choice surprised me for a second, but when I remembered that his ally had picked humans their intentions were as plain as sugar-free vanilla. I almost said "looks like they're rushing" but remained calm, using my fingers instead to train some huntresses but remaining wary of the possible threat.

As night fell my ally's delayed Hunter finnaly arrives. Not five seconds after he set his purple feet on solid ground did I spot neo's Keeper, charging up the ramp and preparing to bitchslap some moon wells with his big ass claw. He was accompanied by two Archers and three of Alpesh's footman led by a stout Mountain King. I Warped in with my Hero and his huntress escort, prepared for intense micro until reinforcements could arrive. Sadly, I had arrived to late, and Matt's hero quickly sucumbed to a combination of Stormbolt and Entangle. Amazingly, too stunned by the death of his one and only unit, Matt himself promptly left the game, without even so much as a "fuck!".

wow, way to take one for the team



"Oh this is bullshit!" I think to myself but then I am reminded:

SCORE!


Hey, this might not be so bad. I continue with the game, mana burning and healing often while resurrecting my blue demon hunter. But my too frequent micro allowed the footman to organize and surround Emo. He let out a bitch ass cry as he collapsed to the ground on his own blade.

ouch
"OH good job" i thought, "you used up all the moon wells and you're dead!" Having gained the upper hand the enemy stupidly attacks my tree of life (why not my altar?). This gives my other Hunter enough time to resurrect. With full health he manages to immolate a few footman and slay the Mountain King.

Who wants a taste of my mulong tea?































My other Hunter comes back from the dead and arrives with 2 huntresses, but not in time to save blue from another hero death. My bouncing huntress attack manages to decimate the remaining footmen, leaving only five and the Keeper to deal with. My Allies hero warps back in and proceeds to make a tasty BBQ of the fruity Keeper with imolation. With that the sun rises, the rush is quelled, and im alive with four empty moonwells, three huntresses with an upgraded attack, two-level three heroes and ALOT of money.DENIED

MID GAME


As the day drags on, I settle into my bases and replace my blue tree of life. I also add some more moon wells at the blue base and some ancient protectors at my own. I fight off a few minor excursions, which only succeed in leveling up my heroes. Once im secure and have enough huntresses I Move out to creep the map. Im amazed to find the center completely untouched, which is good since once you've got metamporphosis aint nobody fuckin' with you.

creeping is like free upgrades/weapons


After every creep in the temple is a mere stain on the pavement my heros are levels 4 and 5 and I have a decent force of 1/1 huntresses. As im heading to the goblin laboratory for more expirience I cross paths with an unassuming force of Alpesh's hero, four sorceresses, a knight, and two gryphons. I barely had time to avoid them. His sorceresses had already aquired my army and my huntresses where slowed to the speed of molasses on a winter hike. I managed to kill most of his ground forces and his hero but the combination of slow and storm hammers was begining to reak havoc on my army. To make matters worse Neo had just showed up with an army of completely healthy 2/2 huntresses and an angry, but still fruity Keeper(level 4). I foolishly use my dead ally's hero to tp back thinking that my entire army would go with him. Needless to say I'm left naked and slowed in a pack of enemy units. My hero dies, but luckily had a l33t Ankh of reincarnation.He jumps for joy as he is lives again but I send him running home. The rest of my huntress force is completely destroyed save for a few blue hunts which teleported home. I manage to run my hero away and throw down some protectors to prepare for what I think is the inevitable counter. But nothing comes. No huntresses. No gryphons. I breathe a sigh of relief and begin to plan my next move.
Slow owns me :(
yea buddy!
I am pleased to know that Alpesh's still sucks and That I damaged him significantly. But I'm troubled by the fact that Neo is doing better than me: better upgrades, tier 3(he had master druids of the talon with him) and now, thanks to all the expirience he got from my huntresses, a level 6 hero. I quickly get to work, having made it this far im not about to lose now.

I throw down two ancients of wind and upgrade to Tree of Eternity. I then build an Ancient of Lore for dryads and start a second attack upgrade. I also add a Priestess of the Moon for her trueshot to give myself another leg up. With both my heros about to reach their ultimate, A growing force of huntresses, and about eight master Druids I had now stockpiled more weapons of mass destruction than anyone in the Axis Of Evil.
By the great winds I come.
You talkin' ta me?



















Doesn't Bush always look like he just had a stroke and then busted a nut?

END GAME


I am fully prepared when I notice Neo and Alpesh's units massing at the bottom of my ramp. Neo brings a control group of 3/2 hunts and his Level 5 KOTG, fruitier than ever. Alpesh's force consists of three 0/1 Gryphons, two knights, A couple of priests and Sorceresses, and a level 2(!) Mountain King. Happy to have been underestimated I prepare to level up. The enemy charges and I quickly transform four druids into crows to deal with the Gryphons. It isnt long before both my Demon Hunters are Level 6 and dishing out chaos damage! Alpesh's force is completely destroyed and Neo's Keeper runs home as fast as his fruity legs can carry him, waiting for the end. Alpesh didn't wait very long:)


I recieved a message from Neo explaining how he had told his partner to get polymorph and he went for gryphons. I think he wanted me to show some sympathy but I was too busy staring at his now airborne huntresses and burning buildings. He conceded and promptly left. Le GG.

















Well, there you have it. I hope this little report brought back some memories about how laughably imbalanced the Night elves used to be, as well as providing a look at how fun 1vs2s are, especially when you opponents believe that they can't lose. Anyway, this is my first report ever, and all comments are welcome. This is also the first official Broken Asshole production, my battle reporting co. which includes Poohandler (yes, that Poohandler>_<). For more information you can e-mail me at Norskman27@hotmail.com or IM me at Binldnswomnwife.

-Random)Hero






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