"There, that's fulfilled my battlereporting desires for the next few years. Back to rating and writing giant comments that no one in their right mind will ever read."
-DesertDemon
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| Guess whose back...with a report and a fic | | | Author: | | | IP: | as14.harXXXX | | Date: | 08/20/02 03:08 | | Game Type: | Starcraft | | Labels: | none | | Report Rating: , # of Ratings: 1, Max: 7, Min: 7
Lifetime Rating for Monty Pylon: 6.0390 |  |
Greetings and salutations residents of BR.com. The fly in the ointment, the fic in the report, the pain in the ass is back and I have a little for all. The material in blue is a bit of fiction I decided to throw out there and the material in red is a battlereport. Oh I shit you not, it is a report. Please feel free to read one, both or none, but comment and if necessary flame the guy you love to hate.
The Diner
Sunday night was always a time where a few dear friends and myself could get together and discuss the many mysteries that plagued our small yet active corner of the universe. The thrill of breakfast food anytime and the endless selection of mediocre to bad culinary delights attracted us like a siren call where greasy griddles snapped and popped a seductive song of anticipation. That and it was all we could afford after a night of drinking and bullshitting. Life on those summer nights was a routine of mishaps that usually involved too much beer or other fermented beverages. College breaks was the few if only time that we could get together. Mike had gone of to UCLA and could fly in only for the winter and summer breaks. Aaron had been wandering the halls of the Boston School of the Arts for the past two semesters, and we had only seen him once since the end of the previous summer. He and my girlfriend Dara were both freshman and but I made it a point to road trip to Boston every weekend I had available to spend some quality time. Jason was a member of the North Carolina State Computer Programming division with a minor in Star Wars. As for myself, I too was a student at North Carolina State with film as my major and my second love.
The few times we were all together were rare and celebrated occasions. Perhaps a bit too celebrated. The evening had started off rather quiet with the four of us headed out to The Brew Pub, a small bar with the quaintness of Cheers, yet the women of Coyote Ugly. As my partners in crime tried to secure a date or two for the evening, Aaron and I were both content to sit back with our good pals Jack and coke, while we watched Jason and Mike embarrass themselves at the cost of a drink and a rejection. We watched this entertainment for all it was worth, but soon felt the need to catch up on old times.
“So, how are things going up in Boston? Are you doing okay?”
“Yeah, classes are a bitch. I haven’t seen you for awhile. Not since the last time you came up in February. For a second there I thought you and Dara had broken up.”
“Us break up, you fucking wish”, I said killing the rest of my cocktail.
“Well, Dara kept asking me if you were coming to see her. I told her how should I? You’re his girlfriend, I’m just the guy he happens to see when he visits you.”
“I told her I was going to be busy for a few months. I had a huge project to pass my basic film class and I needed all the time I could get. I had to present a short film for Christs sake.”
“Did you tell her that?”
“Yeah I told her that. She said she understood but that I needed to think about her needs too. I don’t want to seem like an asshole but I think she can manage a few months without me by her side. I called her every night I wasn’t working and sent her so many gifts that there was no way so could have believed I wasn’t there.”
“I believe you, it’s just that she seem a little upset at times.”
“Upset? What do you mean upset?”
“Well she was crying a few times I saw her and she just seemed real depressed.”
“Why the fuck didn’t she tell me she was so upset! Why didn’t you fucking tell me she was so upset!”
“I thought you knew?”
“How the fuck would I know if she doesn’t tell me? This is just great, now what am I suppose to do? All this time she’s pissed off at me and I don’t know that so I act like I have my head up my ass.”
“Don’t worry about it. When she got real bad I went to talk with her and we managed to straighten things out.”
“You did?”
“Yes, we talked for awhile and we managed to get everything sorted out.”
“Well, is she still mad?”
“A little bit, but she’s gotten past it.”
“I have to call her and get this whole thing fixed.”
I fumbled in my coat for my cell phone and called Dara’s house. There wasn’t an answer, but I left a message on her machine.
“Hi, honey, it’s me Chris. I know I haven’t called you since last week but I’ve been busy. I need to talk to you as soon as possible, so please call me on my cell phone. I love you. Bye.”
Normally I don’t grovel and spout “I love you” all over the place but desperate times call for desperate measures. I had fucked up royally and now I had to fix this a.s.a.p. Around this time, Mike and Jason had gotten into a bit of a situation. Mike had attempted to pick up a very cute blonde on the end of the bar. The only problem was that she was the girlfriend of a very large and angry linebacker for the nearby college team. Mike felt obligated to show how unimpressed with the linebacker’s size, both muscular and testicular, and threatened to lay an ass whipping on the mountain in front of him. Jason concurred with Mike by likewise promising to kick the linebackers ass, and forcing him to watch as Mike fucked the linebackers “Crackwhore” mother. After hearing the presentation placed before him, the linebacker rebutted with a right hook across Mike’s face and an uppercut into Jason’s chin. Before the carnage continued, both Aaron and I rush to our idiots friends aid. Aaron got them to their feet and I tried to talk some sense into the rather unhappy football player.
“Okay, I think you proved your point. Just leave them alone. They’re drunk and I’m sure they didn’t mean to approach your girlfriend or say those awful things about your mother. We’ll just come down and I’ll buy you a drink. Anything you want, what do you say?”
He looked over my shoulder to see Mike with a wad of napkins to his nose, which was bleeding but not broken. Jason had a handful of ice he was using to reduce the size of his jaw and a new beer to reduce the pain in his teeth. The linebacker reveled in his handiwork and agreed to a frosty Heineken. I opted for a ashtray. The Brew Pub’s ashtrays were rather ordinary, plain glass with little frills. They were however, very large and very heavy. I tossed Aaron my keys and bid our new friend adieu.
“Once again I must apologize on behalf of my friends and I hope there are no hard feelings.”
“Just make sure they don’t mouth off to me again or their ass won’t be the only one I kick. Understand?”
“Yes I read you loud and clear. Aaron get them into the car and I’ll pay.”
Aaron helped Mike and Jason out and I tossed the bartender a fifty and a hundred.
“That’s too much sir. Do you need to break it?”
“No, that will be plenty to cover our expenses.”
I walked back to our buddy and asked if he had a lighter. He fumbled through his school jacket, but could produce my much need fire.
“I don’t have anything on me.”
“Oh, that’s okay. I don’t smoke.”
For a man of this size, a swift blow to the head works fine. A hit to the front of the head is best if you want to hurt the guy but not kill him. The ashtray in my hand landed full force to his jaw and cheek. I received the desired affect of him crumpling like a rug. No sooner had the glass shattered against his face, that I was out the door and into the waiting car outside. As we peeled out we saw him stumble out the door slightly cut and very pissed. Defeated, he walked inside as we escaped into the night.
The night had turned to early day as we arrived at our final destination. The Piedmont Diner was a small place on the side of the highway. It was situated roughly in the middle of strip malls and gas stations that dotted the roadside. The food was diner food and that was about as accurate a description was could give of the fare available. Aaron elected to get pancakes and sausage. Always pancakes and always sausage, it never changed. Mike elected for a burger, as did I. With diners, the burger is probably your safest bet outside the breakfast menu. Jason, always the adventurer, elected to try the pot roast and fries. A side of extra gravy and then more gravy accompanied this. A round of sprite was brought to the table with coffee for our more inebriated companions. While we waited for our food, our conversation turned to philosophy and politics as all our conversations do. Mike was the first to offer a topic.
“I was telling this to Jason and he doesn’t believe me. I say that the Smurfs are communists and the makers of the Smurfs want us to be communists too.”
“Holy shit, how many times are you going to keep telling this shit”, Jason replied.
“Wait, the Smurfs are communist. Like blue cartoon Smurfs?”
“Yes Aaron, those Smurfs.”
“Why the Hell would you think the Smurfs are communists?”
“If you look at the facts Chris, it all makes sense.”
“What facts”, I questioned.
“For instance, the Smurfs all where white hats, except for Papa Smurf. His hat is red.”
“His hat is red? This is the fucking argument? His hat is red? Who gives a shit? What if I wore a red hat, am I a communist?”
“You see Chris, this is the kind of shit I told him.”
“Well maybe if you listened Jason, you would learn something. Papa Smurf is the leader of the Smurfs. All the Smurfs live in a communal society. If you’re the son of the baker, you become a baker. Everyone works together and they all get equal shares.”
“Well so do ants, what’s your point.”
“My point Chris, is that you elected Papa Smurf to be the leader. Nobody did and he represents Stalin or Lenin.”
“Maybe he’s the leader just because he’s old?”
“But why can’t someone else replace him? How about Sporty Smurf.”
“Who cares about Sporty Smurf?”
“I’m saying it has to be Sporty Smurf, just anyone of the Smurfs besides Papa Smurf.”
“Okay, then if the Smurfs are communists then who does Gargamel represent?”
“Who the fuck is Gargamel?”
“The guy ho tries to eat the Smurfs. Who does he represent?”
“I don’t know, the web site just talked about Smurfs.”
“That does it, I need new fucking friends.”
Talk of animated communist died down as our platters of ambrosia arrived. As the ketchup got pasted back and forth, my cell phone began to ring. I answered to hear Dara crying on the other side. I left the table and went to the back to talk.
“Hi honey, what’s wrong? What happened?”
“Why don’t we try what didn’t happened. Why haven’t you come to see me?”
“I called every night?”
“Bullshit! I haven’t heard from you in a week. You never told me when you were going home, you didn’t even bother to see if I was home until tonight.”
“I told you I was busy. Maybe if you had explained to me that you were so upset I could have done something.”
“Why do I need to explain things to you. You should know if something’s wrong. I haven’t seen you in four months and the first thing you do is go out with your friends?”
“I haven’t seem them for half a year. I just wanted to hang out for one night is that so terrible?”
All I could hear was muffled crying and sniffing. I composed myself and quietly whispered into the phone.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you upset. You know that I would do anything for you. I was real busy, but now I’m here and we can spend as much time together until the break is over.”
“Until you leave again and we don’t see each other for another six months. Most of the year you’re gone and the one or two times you do visit we spend a day together at most. I can’t do this anymore. It’s over, I have to move on and so do you.”
“We can work this out, I’ll try to visit more I promise.”
“I’m sorry Chris. There’s someone else in my life. I’m sorry. You’ll always be very special tome. Good-bye Chris. Good-bye.”
I heard the distinct click and the steady an ominous dial tone. I put the phone in my pocket and wasn’t sure if I wanted to cry or break something. I went into the bathroom and splashed some cold water on my face and sent my fist through the mirror. I stared into the shards and saw the sad and broken face looking back. I picked a few pieces from my hand and wrapped it in toilet paper and paper towels. I walked back out to the table where the guys had finished and were eager to know what happen. I’m not sure if it was the look on my face, but their smiles seemed to melt at the sight of it. They knew something bad had happened and Jason patted me on the shoulder as the rest bowed their head as if they were witnessing a funeral. In retrospect, I guess they were. As calmly and as quietly as I could, I explained my situation to the three before me. I’m not sure if it was the best idea, but I knew that keeping it pent up was probably the worst of my options.
“Dara left me. She said she couldn’t handle this long distance thing anymore. Said she found someone else and that I should move on.”
“What a fucking bitch”, Jason and Mike chimed in. At that point I was suffering from very mixed emotions. Half of me wanted to finish what the linebacker had started and the other half, agreed whole-heartedly.
“She’s not a bitch. She’s just upset.”
“No Aaron, I’m pretty sure she’s a bitch.”
“You don’t know what’s going on Mike so why don’t you shut the fuck up!”
“And you know exactly what’s going on Aaron? Is that it?”
“I know more then you!”
“Aaron, did you know she was with another guy?”
“I’m not saying anything like that Chris. I’m just saying they weren’t there.”
“I didn’t ask you that. Did you know?”
“I’m just saying I was there.”
“I didn’t fucking ask you that! I ask if you knew! It’s not like you’re the other guy!”
Aaron looked as if he was going to say something, but instead froze and his eyes darted to look anywhere into mine. He turned to face the window and I could see his reflection in the glass.
“Aaron, do you know something? Aaron, do you know something?”
No response.
“Aaron, look at me and tell me the truth. Aaron fucking look at me.”
No answer.
“Aaron, are you the guy? Aaron, stop fucking looking at the window and answer the question.”
Aaron turned and stared down at the table.
“I asked you a God damn question, are you the other fucking guy.”
Aaron still couldn’t bring himself to look at me, but he mumbled a quiet and clear, “yes.”
I wasn’t sure what to do. I wanted answers, but I also wanted to kill the son of a bitch. The mix of shock and anger kept me frozen and I began to shake trying to urge myself to move. Finally, I was freed from my trance and grabbed a plate and threw it across the table. Aaron shielded himself with his hands and the cheap china shattered on his wrist, spraying into a hundred pieces accompanied by the crack of bone and the shattering of debris on the diners tile floor.
The entire dinning room stopped and focused on us. I didn’t care who was watching at that point as far as I was concerned it was just me and Aaron.
“You piece of fucking shit! You go ahead and fuck my girlfriend, take her from me, and you have the fucking balls to laugh and drink with me! I thought you were my fucking friend, friends don’t do shit like this and fucking sit there and smile when you know you’re the fucking cocksucker who took Dara from me! I never want to see you or her again and if I see you I will beat the fucking life from your body and kick the shit eating grin from your fucking face.”
I considered to make good on my promise right there and then, but Mike and Jason dragged me out before I ended up regretting going to jail for him. That night we drove in silence to a late night liqueur store and bought a bottle of pain relievers. We spent the night getting drunk and raising hate toasts to our ex-friend and my ex-girlfriend. Morning came and didn’t feel much better, but the hangover helped take my mind of a few of my problems. I spent the rest of the break with just Mike and Jason. I drove by Dara’s house to drop off a few mementos, just letters, pictures and other shit like that. I saw Aaron’s car in the driveway and decorated her lawn with the aforementioned mementos. I sped away and left them in the past. Goodbye you fucking assholes. Goodbye.
The sun had set just as Todd had finished the final page of his book, a was a collection of short stories from various authors.. The last story was okay, but it was kind of wrong how Chris had been played. But the world of literature could only go so far in entertainment and Todd booted up his computer for a little Brood War action. He signed under the smurf Zerg_killah and went in search of a fitting challenge. He found such a foe waiting in the pubbies by the name of Reefer247. The map was Dire Straits and as the clock ticked down, both players allowed fate to choose their race.
Zerg_killah found himself as the scrappy Terran’s with a Command Center touching down on the top right Island. Reefer247 found himself holding the reigns of a blood thirsty Zerg brood on the lower left island. Each command began their builds each it seemed preparing for possible doom drops. Zerg_killah elected for M+M building two barracks, an academy and an E-bay that quickly began to upgrade his marines fire power. Reefer247 elected to evolve to mass hydra drops, first morphing two more hatcheries and then mass hydra production followed by a double lair. Reefer247 was the first to spot his opponent with his initial overlord scout, however this small victory was bitter-sweet as six of Zerg_killah’s marines promptly blasted the bag of puss from Terran airspace.
By now, Reefer247 had added a third hatchery to his collection and an army of twenty hydralisks strong waited in anticipation as the overlords began to load the army for doom drop. But just when half of the Zerg forces had boarded, a swirling blue light ended the element of surprise, but not the plan of attack. Undaunted, Reefer247 sent his drop straight for the Terran main and hoped that Zerg_killah did not have time to reinforce his position. On the other side of the pond, Zerg_killah ordered as many men as possible trained for marine service. He already had three bunkers at various defensive positions and his buildings enclosed his Command Center like a make shift wall. While Reefer247 had been busy raising his hydra army, Zerg_killah had built a factory and machine shop for tanks and two starports with towers for dropships. The four tanks that were to be used in a Terran drop, siege alongside the bunkers and prepared for the inevitable Zerg attack. But defense is never enough to win a battle and Zerg_killah planned his own counter drop with four dropships full of marines and medics. The fleet was sent towards the hated Zerg main and in transit, both groups passed each other. Which drop would arrive first and which would be more effective?
The manswer unfolded as Reefer247 landed his hydralisks on the southern tip of the Terran Island main. The force organized and charged ahead with ovie support to find a wall of an E-bay, two barracks and an academy before them. Hungry for fresh meat, the mindless swarm slithered forward spines drawn for attack. A slight calm, and the fog of war breaks with the boom of cannon fire. Reefer247 retreats his army and moves to the right in search of a hole, but the hydralisks are barred by a large group of depots as well as two tanks and a bunker. The Zerg are forced to peddle back and aim for the E-bay on the far left of the formation. The zerg reform in a line and strike the E-bay and the closest tank just behind the E-bay and barracks. SCv’s are dispatched and the two tanks on the far right unsiege and head towards the combat zone. The two other tanks continue to pound the Zerg who begin to run in disorder trying to get closer to the E-bay. Poor micro control on the part of Reefer247 result in a large mess of bone, blood and skin. The zerg are forced to retreat again having lost all but four hydralisks and having failed to destroy the E-bay. A small squad of M+M are dispatched to clean up the leftovers and four screams are all that remain of the doom drop.
Meanwhile, Zerg_killah fleet drops on the very north tip of the Zerg main. In anticipation for a Terran drop, Reefer247 has morphed four sunken colonies around his collection of tech buildings and has a small hydralisk army of fifteen with twelve lings in support. Three dropships unload their cargo in the north, but one swings around the island and waits for a battle to erupt. A comsat reveals the Zerg army and defensive structures as the M+M moves into hostile territory. The lings stream in first with hydralisks in hot pursuit to meet the terrans just outside the main cluster of buildings and sunken colonies. A hit of stim and a quick heal llows the marines to polish of the lings with zero losses. The hydralisks fall back to within the sucken range. The terrans follow and engage the hydralisks losing only five marines to the sunken colonies that can barley reach the terran invaders. The hydralisks fall back even further after losing all but five and circle around the terran forces that have become content with attacking a hydralisk den just out of the sunken colonies protection. It’s a matter of time before the walls of the den burst into a shower of blood leaving a rotted stump in the oozing creep. The marines head forward and engage two sunken colonies. Once engaged, the remaining five hydralisks attack from the right and fifteen newly spawn hydras races forward to join the fray. The terrans find themselves outnumbered and outgunned but the medics provide the edge the marines need. The hydralisks begin to target the medics and soon the marines are without support and begin to drop fast. The last terran is eviscerated, but flashing red warnings are still buzzing on the screen. Why? It seems that just as the newly created hydralisks left the nest to fight, that fourth dropship emptied its contents right in the middle of the Zerg mineral line. Undefended, drone after drone was layed to waste as they loyally gathered minerals and gas for the glory of the swarm. With all the drones killed, the marines turned to the extractor and the lair. The hydralisks in the north could not prevent the fall of the extractor, but arrived to destroy the remaining terrans with great anger. Both drops had failed to bring victory, but while Reefer247 had delivered a small love tap to Zerg_killah, Zerg_killah had given Reefer247 a solid kick to the balls. Both commanders elected to rebuild and rearm for the next skirmish.
Zerg_killah took the expansion in between the upper right and upper left island, defending it with two bunkers a tank and turrets. Zerg_killah also built two more factories and two armories that began vehicle upgrades. The factories began goliath/tank production while boaster upgrades were researched. Reefer247 rebuilt his drone supply and made a risky choice in expanding to both the expo just to the north of his main and the expo just to the left. Sunken/spore defenses as well as small hydralisk armies guarded both hatcheries. It took a little time but once Reefer247 had his economy rolling, he immediately invested in guardian production morphing all the necessary buildings while mass-producing mutalisks.
Zerg_killah loaded an army of fifteen goliaths, five tanks and two dropships of M+M and headed straight for the Zerg main once again. Half way there they ran straight into a full flock of mutalisks. The Zerg birds attacked and the ships scrambled to reach the nearest island but four of the nine ships careened into the waters before they could even reach dry land. As the ships tried to unload, the mutas killed three more and all that was left were a handful of M+M, three tanks and three goliaths. The Zerg killed all the remained survivors with the loss of only three. These were replaced and another flock joined them and together they set out for the terran main.
Reefer247 had the mutalisks park south of the terran main and sent five ovies to provide support as all but five of the mutas were transformed into guards. The other five were turned into devos and as soon as the ovies caught up, the fleet made its way to the beaches of the terran main. Turrets were hit from far away as the guardians laid waste to the meager static defenses. The shadow of the Zerg hovered forward like a storm cloud, but with much surprise, all the lightening was coming from the ground. A shower of missiles erupted from the surface and the guardians ground to a halt before an army of goliaths, twenty-five strong. A fairly large force of M+M and a few hastily built valkyries also supported these walkers and while the tanks could not aid in this air battle, their guns were drawn quite menacingly. The guardians fought back but still were dropping like rocks. I clicked on a goliath and saw it had 2 upgrades all around. The only thing the guardians had was jack and shit, and jack left town. With two thirds of the flock decimated, Reefer247 called his troops back and left the devos to stall the valks.
Zerg_killah wanting to end the game, loaded all of his goliaths, tanks and M+M into ships and made his way towards the zerg main. The ships circled up to the northern tip and met only two spore colonies as opposition. The entire force landed and dispatched the colonies and met a small force of hydras and guardians. The tanks sieged and the goliaths began to gun down the air support and within a few minutes all Zerg opposition lay splatter on the feet of the terran invasion force. The tanks unsieged and the whole platoon moved ahead and began a tank push with little except static defenses to contend with. Zerg_killah laid a hatchery, a spore colony and three sunkens to rest before help arrived in the form of the first guardian flock that had retreated. It was joined by a new full flock of mutas and together they concentrated fire on the goliaths and M+M forces. The tanks continued forward hitting the greater spire, a hydralisk den and a queens nest. The guardians and mutalisks fell back and moved ahead of the tanks near the Hive. They regrouped and attacked the tanks first killing eight of twelve before the Goliaths could charge ahead. The goliaths moved forward in single file and were easy targets for the seven remaining guards and ten mutalisks. The remaining tanks managed to kill the den and severly wound the Spire before they succumb to Zerg acid sprays. The M+M targeted the guardians killing two before being destroyed.
Reefer247 took a breath and ordered more mutalisks. The guardian/mutalisks fleet was sent north to protect the weak and decimated north side of the island. They hovered north and were enveloped by missiles. Explosion and screams of dying Zerg drowned out the sound of the grumbling warnings coming from Reefer247’s Zerg cerebrate. The last site Reefer247 saw was a new army of goliaths heading south until the fog of war blinked on. With his flock still building, Reefer247 watched as the now 3/3 upgraded goliaths stormed his main with the occasional tank. The Greater Spire, Evo chamber, And Hive all fell within minutes. By the time the mutalisks hatched to defend the main, there wasn’t much of a main left. The mutalisks made one last effort against the terran main and found it quite defended. Goliath missiles, marines and turrets cut the flock to ribbons. With out a main and no troops Reefer247 surrendered the waters of Dire Straits to the Terran commander. Zerg_killah scratched another mark on his command center. Somany Zerg and so much time.
GAME OVER
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