As the name implies, this is simply a test to figure out how this crazy thing works. Hopefully, through countless hours of trial & error, enough knowledge will allow me to convey to you a BR of great beauty. Until then, you are subjected to this crap.

And so, without further ado, I present to you:

My NoHunters

Premise:

After reading countless BR’s of this “fabled” channel, I endeavour to locate this Xanadu of Starcraft players, hopefully to witness firsthand some of these awesome games that claim to take place. Unfortunately, through no fault of my own I am sure, there are countless spellings of Channel No Hunters, all of which appear to be empty whenever I attempt to join them. This El Dorado, if you will, seems more of a myth than fact, leaving me to wonder if either

1) Somehow, all of the BR’ers have hacked into my computer, allowing them to wee what channels I want to join, and seconds before, leave that channel until I look elsewhere

2) NoHunters is a fabrication, a conspiracy that goes all the way to the top (Colonel Sanders for all you fellers in the know).

Clearly, the only way to solve this great debate about this myth is to create my own NoHunters, hoping to lure some of the other BR’ers to The Dark Side. To this end, I created:

Channel NoHunters

After what seemed like countless hours, but was more like three minutes, some crazy bitch actually joined MY channel, asking for a game. His 12-1-14 record did not make me want to jump for joy at having finally met a true NoHunters player. Clearly, this moron thought that winning the game is more important that playing the game (hence all the disconnects rather than face defeat). I inquired as to the one loss, which he stated was a result of his two teammates backstabbing him while he was taking a leak (therefore not giving him the warning that he should disconnect). After numerous threats from this poser that he will leave if we don’t play right now, I finally conceded and created a game on Dire.

The Game

Me: NobodyBeatsMe, top left, zerg Him: EverybodyBeatsMe (real names have been changed to protect the guilty), bottom left, protoss Build orders:

Me: Exactor trick on 9, overlord on ten, second hatchery on 13, spawning pool on 16 Him: Pylon beside nexus on 9, forge on 11, pylon on left edge of island on 14

Scouting:

Me: First overlord went clockwise, useless Second overlord went counter-clockwise, stayed over nexus ALL game Him: What scouting, he was protoss

Early Game:

My overlord at his nexus, with his limited sight range, did not see any further buildings all game. When my first overlord finally makes it way to the protoss base, it sees a bunch of cannons at the edge of the island (Protoss turtle to carriers?). Immediately, I wet about to end the shenanigans of this idiot. Muta tech on its way, forgoing any form of base defence or offensive units until mutas. My first overlord scouts around his entire base, noticing he is trying to surround the entire base with cannons before making a single gateway. Does he not realize that this is not a money map? Silly rabbit. Of course he doesn’t.

Mid Game:

Six mutas are made, third hatchery created on same island just for shits and giggles. Mutas are MOVEd to his nexus (not attack move). After raining down ultimate destruction to all 14 of his probes, he realizes that he is out of money, and has no more probes. Cries of “Hacker”, “Rusher”, “Pussy”, etc flash on the screen. His nexus falls shortly after. I wait patiently for the inevitable to happen, and it does, and 45 seconds later, EverybodyBeatsMe is dropped from the game.

Late Game:

What late game? I won in the Mid Game. Did you not read the above paragraph?

Post Game:

So, there I was, back in MY channel NoHunters, still waiting for Atlantis to resurface.

If anyone out there is disappointed in this report, too freaking bad. I told you at the start it was simply a test to figure out how to work this. And besides, I am not going to ruin a good game with a bad report. Hence, the bad game with the bad report.

Regards,

NobodyBeatsMe