"...And eventually he massed forces, quashing my main like a frozen garden slug in the tread of a Mack truck."
-~Cattlebruiser~
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| At least it's not spam, right? RIGHT?? | | | Author: | | | IP: | spider-mXXXX | | Date: | 02/08/02 05:02 | | Game Type: | Starcraft | | Labels: | none | | Report Rating: , # of Ratings: 1, Max: 4, Min: 4
Lifetime Rating for Amoeba_Boy: 6.1667 |  | I've decided to make another BR, hopefully after reading the below ones I'll get a 10 for the piece of crap your about to read
I went to Shockwave.com to play some inklink. But something else caought my eye. The #1 downloaded joe cartton thing was titled "Osama's Sissy Fight". Hmmmmmm, I thought to myslef, sounds like I'll get to beat up Osama. It sounded good so I downloaded it. After the downlaoding finished raping my modem (56K, feel free to laugh).
The Map
Boxing Ring - A square with 4 posts at each corner, connecting the posts are three plastic ropes
The Players
Me - A big muscular guy with boxing gloves and no pupils.
Osama - A skinny guy in a yellow speedo and a turban.
Ok, stop laughing at my connection, the reports starting.
I looked at my opponent, he was ugly, and didn't look to strong, this would be easy. He started trash talking, saying I was weak and he was strong.
"Lets see how strong you are" I said. I started with a few jabs, each one connecting. Then pulled a jab followed by a stronger punch with my right hand (from now on the stronger punch will be called a power punch cuz I forgot what it's really called). Blood went flying over the mat.
This guy was a joke, not even trying to defend my blows. I tryed to win right then and there with a series of right and left hooks, but he kept his ground. If theres one thing I'll give this guy its that hes got a thick head. After every blow he kept taunting me, most of the time I just nailed him, but sometimes I listened to his rants.
Once he said he was pinching me, I said I was killing him, then I smahed his chin in with an uppercut. I just kept wailing away on him, he started crying, but i didn't pay attention. After a particularily hard series of blows, I gave him some time to spit out his teeth. But he didn't, instead he said his goat gave him chubby, and pointed towards his speedo.
I looked at him, "Dude, thats sick" I said. And then I coiled my arm back and released as massive blow towards his stomach. But I guess I "missed" as my fist when slamming right into his balls. I kept pushing and tryed to make his testicles touch his ribs, but I gave up. I swear though, that I saw his eyes shoot out a foot from his head before the retinas pulled tight and sucked them back in.He clutched his balls and wriggled in pain.
"Lets see your goat give you chubby now, bitch" I said. Through the pain he managed out a few words.
"You basterd" he said in a thick accent. "You, you, you, INFIDEL!!" he screamed. Thats it. Nobody calls me an infidel and gets away with it. I once again coiled back my arm and this time brought my fist to a resting place on his chin. But I didn't stop there as I continued to push him into the air. His body went flying in a 360 degree flip. But I grabbed his leg in midair, keeping him from landing. I signaled and a frog brought out a small blender.
I shoved the scrwney basterd head in the blender as far as it would go. He flailed his arms and legs in a futile attempt to escape. I gave the frog a thumbs up and he walked over and turnded the blender on its highest setting.
An explosion of blood followed and a lot of it went flying over the mat. His arms and legs stopped moving and I looked down to see the blender was filled with a mess of blood, brains, bone, and other things I didn't quite recognize. I smiled upon seeing the "Osama Juice" and promptly left the ring to wipe his blood off me.
Ok, thats it, compared to the recent reports this should get an Eleventeen. AND STOP LAUGHING AT MY CONNECTION GOD DAMMIT!!! |
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