Ok people, are you ready for hot man porn.

Huh, well are you. Um, ok maybe that was not the right way to start this little report of mine. Anyway, welcome to another Gojky report, my fourth in as many weeks. Before I start I want to say a few things.

I want to thank all those people who commented on my previous reports, because it is them who give us reporters the warm and fuzzy feeling that we richly deserve.

Someone, possibly myself, asked me how to pronounce my handle, well you say it like this. Goy-Key.

Ok just one more thing, my next report will be done next year because it is going to be a Warhammer 40K report and the Warhammer 40K Grand tournament is not until Feb 9th in Brisbane.

Enough of this bull shit lets get on with the report.

The craziness begins!

This report is slightly different to my previous reports. For one thing Tsunami does not feature in it. Another, more disturbing thing is that I feature in it. And the last freakish thing is that it is not a StarCraft report.

So what is the report you ask, well it's a game my friend Cullen sent to me over the E-Mail. (Cullen is a turd.) Anyway after playing this "game" I decide to write a report about it. Why you ask, because I love the world.

Please Note: - All of my pictures are done in MSPaint, so if they are slightly fuzzy just squint real hard and you will see it properly.

The crazy, wacky, mini, golfing related game of doom.

This game is so l33t it's not funny. I mean the graphics are l33t, the music, oh god the music, is l33t and best of all my report is l33t. (Heh Heh)

Ok, so I started up a single game and realised that my ears stared to bleed. After getting back from the hospital I realised that it was the music of this funky game that destroyed my inner ear. So I quickly turned off my sound and continued on with my normal life.

After going through the game once and understanding the basics of the game I conned my sister into playing with me. (Not in that way you perverts.) So we started but to keep Stephanie anonymous I inputted her name as PlayerX. So now none of you guys know her name.

The game started with an introduction on how to play. This gets annoying the 124th time you play this game so I swore I would take revenge on it. After the intro we were presented with a screen slightly resembling this, only bigger.

The first hole was "fun"; it's a standard hole with water, bunkers and walls. Look at the picture ya fool.

I managed to get a hole in one but my sister um...PlayerX, did not risk it and went for a safer shot. Here are the scores so far. These will get annoying, so just say you love me now then hate me later, ok!

The next hole was, lo and behold, The lost temp...um no, the second hole. This hole was a straight up the hill shot. Now don't be deceived by the looks of this shot. To make it in one you actually have to aim at the hole then move it lower. This is because this is such a realistic game that the slopes are sloped in different directions to your expectations.

Now just a warning for those of you who can't look at porn, because of work, school, gay or just a beast lover. There is a man coming up called Curios Fred but as you will see he is not a man but a cleverly disguised pair of tities and what seems to be a seamlessly attached home, for homeless tampons.

Seamless attachment don't you think? Anyway the scores are here, there and everywhere.

I believe that every man this Christmas would what a curious Fred. Heck I know I want one, actually I want two. Back to the game. The third hole is the worst excuse for a hole this side of Goatse.cx. There is no way of actually getting the ball up to the plateau where the hole is, in one shot.

You have to lay the ball up, and then try to sink it from there. Quick look at the picture now or you will die a horrible, horrible, horrible, horrible, horrible, horrible, horrible, horrible, horrible, horrible, to late now you're already dead.

As you can see it is a very well laid out hole. The update of the scores for those who don't understand what's going on is right here.

Ok this next hole is kind of like the second hole in that you have to aim down more that you think. I love how there are two blocks they're cleverly deceiving us into thinking this is a hard shot. Oh and if any of you guys go to SomethinAwful.com you will notice that I have "borrowed some of the funny pictures to insert. If you haven't been to SomethinAwful.com before then go as soon as you have finished reading and then commenting on this report.

The new and improved scores for you dyslexic cows...um I mean...no I stand by what I say.

Ok the next picture shows us the fifth hole. This hole look strange because you can either go up the hill or try the risky shot. Occasionally the ball will do some strange shit if you go for the risky shot so its up to you. Oh and Thunder who has been commenting on all my reports is cool. Don't hold it against me for being slightly disabled.

The ultra new and improved scores for anyone who missed the new and improved scores last time. Ok for the rest of the game I'll tell you a story about the chicks at my work. Well I work at a supermarket as a cashier and as you would imagine I see a bucket load of chicks. Now most of the customers are no go zones because of one reason or another but I have been invited to two parties and am in the very good book with one chick from the fast food store across the way.

The next hole was a bendy hole but if you just hit the ball just right you can make it so it goes straight through too the end of the hole.

Anyway back to my story. Now there have been quite a few chicks from my store that have been down right hot. I've been there for four years and have gotten a lot of experience with talking to people, chicks in particular. However, in the four years I've been there I've only asked one out and given one my phone number. The first one was already seeing someone and the second one called me back but I was out. She then hooked up with someone else less than a week later. Oh here are the scores.

The seventh hole was interesting in that it had an arrow thingy that took you ball directly to the hole. The catch is that you have to hit it perfectly to even attempt a hole in one. PlayerX hit it perfectly.

This is the story. Teleport now, a year later and we've gotten a few more new comers to our fair store. One who works with me at the checkouts and one that works in the fresh produce section. Now I really like them both but I don't know what to do. Since the first one that I like works near me we get to talk a lot. However, the second chick I like always seems to give me this shit eating grin that makes me go to a nice place in my head. Break, Now for the scores.

This eighth hole sucks so much shit its not funny. This is because if you miss the shot you're screwed. I went for the ballsy shot and got it in the gap. PlayerX however just stayed on the side of caution and layed it up on the sand bunker. Go forth and view the picture of tomorrow, today.

Cliff Yablonski is my hero. Back to story now dammit. Now I have three questions for you guys.

1. Which one do you think I should go for, Miss A, who I talk to a know lots about or Miss B who I don't talk to much and don't know if she's even available and so on.

2. Would you like to see a Warhammer 40k report that I'll be doing from the Brisbane grand tournament.

3. How many curious Fred's are you going to order this Christmas, 2 or 3.

And now people of BattleReports.com comes the end of this little story and the final hole. This one it quite fun because it consist of a sheer drop over a large lake and the lots of nifty rebounds.

Now that my story is complete have a look at the final scores.

Thanks SomethinAwful.com for some of the insert pictures and also I wish to thank again BackgroundCity.com for this background. Now go and answer the three mystical questions.

Oh and if you want to download this "cool" game just click Here. .

You've all been had; Gojky has done this.