Disclaimer
I must warn you of serveral things regarding this report. If you wandered here by accident, no this is not hot or not or nude house painting, this is a website where people post pics regarding to starcraft. For those who actually know what site this is, and what it is about, I must inform you that there are quite a few pics, but not anything like YourRoleModel's reports. Also, quite a few links in this report lead to sites that could be deemed 'inappropriate'. Therefor if you are under restrictions regarding to which internet sites you can go to, please be careful about clicking the links. Also, the majority of this report is suppose to be funny, not informative. Anyways, on with the report, and I hope you enjoy it! FYI Yes I am insane enough to post this after two 10s back to back. Also, if any images appear broken, right click them and go to show picture. I'm not sure why my browser is doing this, but they all show up eventually.
Prologue
Hello all, my name is The|ice|, formerly known as Khorne_wargod. I used to hang in NH a lot, begining when it was actually nohunters, and cool people that could actually play were there all the time. A while after the channel was switching to Clan ~Nohunters I started playing the demon: Everquest. After around 10 months of playing Everquest, I got bored of it, returning to my first passion, Starcraft. After ditzing around for a month or two, I decided to play a game in honor of my old friend Drefsab, or as he should be named: Manhoe, due to the fact he's never on and when he is he's always BRing some dumb people. So I wanted to play a game along the same lines as the BGH strats/how to kill a newbie. I choose to play on my smurf name: Foijerqerfgoerk for 2 reasons: 1. I wouldn't put shame on my clan if I lost while doing an all vulture build, 2. Its almost impossible to do a /stats Foijerqerfgoerk. I decided that I would play a game using only Vultures, SCVs, and SVs. So I went off and made a game, with a name that will intice someone that will fall to my gosu skill build faster then babys out of T_mac's....whatever: $$1v1 BGH NEWBS ONLY!$$
The Start
 My opponent enters: the gosu one known as dead_reeper. Noted as someone who can only use words with two letters or less as well as a tendency to stammer, a record with over 10 games played on it, lives here and a horribly demented individual that picks the monstrous zerg. I was scared for my life; he actually had more wins then losses. I recieved yellow terran (picked) in bottom middle, and dead_reeper received blue zerg (picked) in middle right. The game started with me doing a supply/ barracks/ refinery/ supply/ factory/ factory build, semi walling in with 2 depots and a barracks. Fortunatly, I did not get rushed by my opponent, which wouldn't have been easy to repel with only SCVs. I eventually got scouted by one of dead_reeper's overlords before my barracks was completed. After this, my opponent apparently decided that he'd rather get recon from the naked news, as he didn't scout me at all. I proceded to tech up to Science Vessels, as well as producing 5ish vultures, and mining my choke.
Krazy Kids on Bikes!
 After mining the path to my base, I decided to issue a massive attack, kin to the scene in Peter Pan where the lost boys attacked the ship: 5ish speed crazed vultures of malacious malovalence! With a Vroom Vroom! they speeded into my opponent's base like maniacs, doing their best to avoid the petafiles' 'tentacles'. All but one of them succumbed to the sick, sick men who wouldn't get girlfriends. The remaining vulture, however, stuck around killing drones like no one's buisness!
Then out of the bushes, out burst a gang of unruly perverted kids who proceded to feel up my poor biker until he expired from humiliation, crushing my last, best hope for victory. As I started to reach for the power button on my computer, to avoid tarnishing my record, I had a thougt: is it possible I could win a game after my first attack fails so miserably? In the name of science, I decided to continue on, despite the horrific raping of my vultures, after which I blew chunks.
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The Anti 'Rape By Monsters' Campaign Gathers Strength!
I started to gather vultures out of 6 or so factorys, as well as making sci vessels out of one starport. My upgrades at this point have reached 2/2 for ground machines. I was keeping watch on expands with vultures (not that I was really worried about that). I know that it might have made more sense to place spider mines at expands, but it was so much more fun putting a whole bunch in the middle of the map ^_^.
More Little Blue Chunks for Me! Bwu ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
 These are some nice little snapshots of our mineral gathering efforts. Note: Even though I didn't catch all of his minerals in my screenshot, those were all the drones he had mining. I guess he never replaced the few drones lost in my first attack.
I Whip Out My CheeseTM
 At this point I executed a strategy many consider cheesy; however I feel it is a perfectly viable tactic and that most people were complaining because it rapes them so badly. I'm sure you've guessed by now, I'm talking about the One Missle Turrent Push. I placed my push very close to his base, in order to make sure he saw me. I must assume he was building up forces to take on my cheese move, as I saw no offensive from him.
Bikers Gather For Hot Sex (with T_mac)
 Here we see some of my boyz gatherin' for a drive by shooting. I finally reached the maximum kickassness (upgrades). My boyz were crusin' for a bruisin, or maybe vice versa.
The God of Variety With a Few Screws Loose
 My opponent was prolly told a few times that he should get many different things. Unfortunatly, whoever told him this, should have mentioned that they were talking about units not buildings. Anyways he made everything that couldn't move, including the kitchen sink.
My Cheese Rush is OwnedTM
 Out of the darkness bursts the forces unit that my opponent has been building up; one fat ass of doom! This bad boy rapes my cheese rush bad, worse then Microsoft raping Apple.
dead_reeper's Gigantic Fleet of Gosuness is Revealed!
 I finally found out what my opponent has been building besides an ultralisk; the dreaded combo of queens/mutalisks in a massive air fleet that could rape all my vultures without taking any damage whatsoever!
The Fleet of Gosuness Rapes Me!
 After deed_reeper sees that my Missle Turrent Push has been removed, he goes straight for the jugular. His fleet runs past some of my turrents protecting my main base, and clusters over the command center, getting raped by some more turrents. I guess he didn't know that a command center had to be in the red to be infested. Total damages: 53 dmg to a turrent, and a few hundred (if that) to my command center.
Harley Convention!
 All of my beer drinking speed demons grab their hoes, get their drugs and prepare to put an end to the nasty men. After a massive group shit all over the center of the map, the bikers prepare for what will obviously be a epic battle with dead_reeper.
Angry Bikers With Gas Attack!
 My assholes attack dead_reeper with eggs, and rubber, killing many perverted children, as well as killing a bunch of birdie thingys with their patented gas attack.
Rapers Town Gets Raped!
 I started raping his town. Not really much else, but I feel great that you read this worthless information.
The Best Defense Known to Man!
 dead_reeper at this point uses his emergency defense system; he uses his nydus canal to make another nydus canal right next to it! Seeing this gosu move, I disconnected. Wait no I didn't I laughed like hell and threw a bunch of eggs at it.
The EliminatorTM
 Without any comment from my opponent, the last of his buildings were eliminated and he was eliminated. I feel that by being raped by vultures made him feel better about himself, and become better at Starcraft. At least it inflates my ego.
The Stats
Special thanks to Braun, of EQ for much of the links/alt comments in this report.
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