"Vultures own Goons"
Bob_The_Newt
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| Dinkface gets what's cumin | | | Author: | | | IP: | 18.105.1XXXX | | Date: | 04/14/01 10:04 | | Game Type: | Starcraft | | Labels: | none | | Report Rating: , # of Ratings: 3, Max: 5, Min: 4
Lifetime Rating for Suspect Device: 4.6667 |   | I'm bored and I know my girlfriend doesn't wanna hear about it so I'm gonna
recount my last game of Starcraft. It was good. I present to you:
I joined a public 2v2 temple and got into the second slot. Two more people joined
and Bob_The_Killer decided he'd like to be with the person who was in slot
#3 (ie. the person with the best record). Disgrunted, I asked why because
this meant I was with someone 0-6-somethin. His exact words were:
"Take it like a man"
So I says back:
"Like your mom?"
In his scramble to click the OK button, he forgot to respond but I know he
caught it because his first comment when the game started was:
"Yo momma"
We all randomed and I got toss at 12 and my partner, whose name escapes me,
warped in a hatchery at 9 (got ya). The enema, er, enemy, Bob_The_Killer
(hereafter known as Dinkface) hatched a command center at 3 and (insert
adjective)Dwarf constructed a nexus at 6. Got it? If not, here's a diagram
Me (Toss)
Dinkface(Terran)
My Partner(Zerg)
Dwarf (Toss)
As you can see, this oughta be a fun game. All the races and me and Dinkface
are nice and close. Before the game started, I decided I was gonna fast
reaver drop no matter what happens. I wanted to get one off because I
figured my parnter's record would come into play and I really wanted to piss
Dinkface off.
So I go onto ac and tell my partner about the reaver drops and he decides
the perfect plan to counter that would be to 4 pool. He's had his OL over
Dwarf's nexus and noticed he's been powering. Anyhoo, when the lings are
just running by Dwarf's natural, he moves all his probes towards his ramp.
Suspicious or psychic? Didn't matter cause he got raped. Dwarf was able to
micro a few waves and eventually got a few zeals to the top of his ramp and
put an end to that. My partner says "Goddam monkey balls partner" and
decides to go rape his hamster because I had 5 zeals and a goon at my ramp
and he probably would have liked a 'hand'. So he leaves the game.
So I can leave 5 mins into the game and 'take it like a man.' Instead, I
decide to play by myself and give it to them like Dinkface's mom takes it.
Yeah, you know where. Same place as Bean takes it. And his Mom. And my
algebra TA. So I decide to stay around and go with the reaver drop. As soon
as I get a reaver I pop it alone into a shuttle and send it on a death
mission into Dinkfaces SCVs. It manages to kill about 15 before they all
move down towards his bunkers and tanks so I pop the reaver into the shuttle
and get ready to go molest Dwarf like my uncle molested... nevermind.
Dinkface saw it too and sent his guys to go mine a l.i.t.t.l.e too fast. I
unloaded the reaver and it got a scarab right into the SCVs conga line and
nuked another 15 of them at once. Smiling, I loaded him up and took that guy
back to my base to *reward* him.
I was pumpin zealots and that's it out of 2 gateways that whole time is what
I would write if I was a good player but I actually had like 2k in each bank
account and loaded 2 queues of zeals and made another 2 gates. Having about
10 at the time I send them down to just beside Dwarf's mineral only and move
my one shuttle there. One load at a time I depost 8 zeals and 2 reavers onto
his ledge and send the reavers to take shots at his clumped up (about 10)
zealots. The two scarabs rape them and my zeals turn the rape into a murder.
I send them to kill the two cannons he put up near his minerals to protect
against a drop and then they probe all his probes to death. Except for one.
One got away. I was pumping observers all that time and had em patrolling
pretty well everywhere. I popped the two vers back into the shuttle and took
em back leaving the 4 live zeals there to wonder what to do with their dead
comrades.
A few seconds later one of my observers (not Bob) spies a nexus coming in at
(ok guess where. Guess...., ok but just think about it for a sec) Dinkface's
natural. Sweet I think and start a nexus at my own natural, putting two
goons on the cliff in case Dinkface knows that trick. Just for fun, I start
a nexus at the NW island too.
Time passes....
I consider dropping a reaver or two at Dinkface's main minerals but the
observer in there, appropriately named AssMaster, notices he only has 6
SCVs mining. I realize that it would be more damaging if he noticed that
fact then taking his 300 minerals so I go and put them behind the minerals
at his natural (Dwarf's main now). The blow 6 - 10 into psi dust but Dwarf
was attentively listening to the Game Speech and was surprised to hear "He's
blowing the fuck out of your goddamn probes. Run them away. No don't attack
the reavers like Dinkface did. RUN THEM AWAY!!!" So he did. I shuttle em
back to my base for victory capers. This is looking good and I think I've
got Dinkface pretty goddamn pissed off.
I've got shuttles now and I load em up with all zealots except for a templar
and two reavers. Dinkface has about 17 tanks clumped in that gay little
spot that can see my ramp and he's got a gay little engineering bay full of
gay little Dinkfaces floating above it. So I drop behind his refinery with
all that shit. I leveled quite a bit including two turrets (i got past em
with hallucinated shuts). For some reason they all died. It was too bad
really. Anyway, they did their damage. So I started making goons.
Dinkface was obviously getting pissed off because he knew I had at least 1
base more than he did. So, to even us out he dropped a Classic Combo on my
cliff. My goons warned me and did a little damage and I dropped four zeals
there to kill his 3 tanks and 3 rines. His SCV was last to go because they
wanted to have a little fun with the simple twit first.
Seeing how I was generally dominating the hell out of them at this point, I
wanted to finish before they got bored and left. Helpfully, Dinkface moved
all his tanks to the bottom of my ramp area. This was spotted by AssBlaster,
AssSlapper and AssChomper respectively. I stormed the shit out of them,
littering the temple grounds with pieces of his gay tanks and gay tank
drivers.
I dropped 5 shuttles worth of goons and two of zeals that the pilots
"forgot" to drop off last time and they just went to town on the dinkman's
base. They plowed through his 3 new starports and count em 6 SCVs as well
as other Terran artifacts. Before I could eliminate him and make him beg
for forgiveness he left without so much as even a 'gg' or 'fu'. I told ya he
was a dink.
NecroDwarf (DAMN, that's his name) also decided to leave shortly thereafter
because I'd send the rest of my completely heterosexual army to attack the
front of his base ie the two cannons put up by Dinkface's partner.
So I finally got to be alone with sexy little probe #5 and we moved to the
Southeast island and set up a little adults only resort.
Le (rear) End
Oh yeah scores were 97000 for me and I think 40s for them.
This report isn't supposed to imply that I have mad skillz. Just enough to
beat two people who aren't as good as me. And that's not that good at all.
Tell me what you think. I value each and every one of your comments.
Get me on AIM if you want a game. My name's Lkantski cause some bastard took Ikantski so it's just lkantski
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