"I have been frequently referred to as one of the "gayest" players ever to grace the barren lands of the Starcraft universe, though I believe that title was hefted upon me by a eternally hopeful Dagomar."
- mattzarella's Good Old Fashioned Fun
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| Exodus vs. AT&T | | | Author: | | | IP: | h000102dXXXX | | Date: | 02/24/01 07:02 | | Game Type: | Starcraft | | Labels: | none | | Report Rating: , # of Ratings: 1, Max: 4, Min: 4
Lifetime Rating for MatriX(SR): 4.0000 |  |
At 10:00 PM Eastern time, I logged on into battle.net. At this peak hour, bnet was very busy, setting up games, hosting channels, etc.. I was ready to br. If only I could find a good game. So as I type /join Clan ~NoHunters I instantly find myself in the channel. I am hungered to br a game, and who do I see in the channel? Me. Myself. And I. Where did everyone go? Where is the bot ~NoHunters? I make sure I typed the channel name in correctly. Yes. I thought for a moment, when dreaded realization crept into my head. I scrolled up to what I first saw when I logged on:
Welcome to Battle.Net!
This server is hosted by AT&T.
There are currently 1353646474 users playing 54543636 games of Starcraft Broodwar, and 573564512374213452134 playing 43736432547125343656 games on Battle.net.
Having trouble with a command? Type /help to learn more about it.
NOOOOOOOO!!!! I had fallen right into battle.net's trap.. I had logged on to AT&T! I desperately searched my pockets looking for the bnet optimizer. To find what? A piece of scrap metal. I swore silently to myself. I scoured my pockets to no avail until I found a too-familiar object scratching my palm. Could it be.... the Quit button? Yes! Praise the lord! I pressed it and pressed it until I found myself at the connection screen. I quickly hit OK and saw Connection to fastest server.. fill the center of my screen for roughly 30 seconds. Crap. Lag. I had no hope of seeing the holy one green bar when I got on. But when it finally ended, and I typed in my password, I saw something which raised my hopes to no end.
This server is hosted by Exodus.
YES!!!!!!
But as I had logged on to Brood War USA-100000000, I saw only two other people in the channel. Interesting. But they weren't just any two names. One of them had something I hadn't seen before, 10red lag. Interesting. I didn't know it could go up that far. Apparently neither did they. And another interesting thing: Their names were AT&T and Exodus. Password scammers maybe? I didn't know. I listened into their conversation.
Exodus: "Damnit AT&T! I can't take this! There are too many people on me! Lookit my lag! I didn't even know lag could go up this high! I need your help."
AT&T: "Of course you do. I Knew this day would come some time. Heheheheh."
Exodus: "Will you help me? Please, I need your help more than I ever have before."
AT&T: "Sure I will. But it will cost you, for I am a greedy little pig and I plan on taking over battle.net."
Exodus: "Oh come on! I can't afford this! Please, Please just do this for me once!"
AT&T: "As I said, I will. But I still won't do it without a price!"
Exodus: "I'm sorry, I can't let you do that."
And so they engaged in a good old fashioned battle. I appeared there final fantasy style, ready for a good br. Sadly, I was dissapointed. Exodus was old, and although he was fast, he was weighed down with many users. AT&T was new and although was naturally evil and slow and empty, Battle.net was overflowing, and gave AT&T power. Power enough to win the fight. AT&T picked Zerg at 9:00, and Exodus randomed Terran at 12:00. AT&T, bein the bitch and chobo he is, 4-pooled Exodus and crushed his 1 marine and SCVs. So ends Exodus' power, and unfortunately, battle.net is being sucked into the horrible blackhole of what is now:
A T & T
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