"Siege. Unsiege. Move. Siege. Fighting that waskly D-Web."
-Heartcutter
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| Mission: Hamster | | | Author: | | | IP: | h000102dXXXX | | Date: | 02/23/01 05:02 | | Game Type: | Other | | Labels: | none | | Report Rating: , # of Ratings: 1, Max: 5, Min: 5
Lifetime Rating for MatriX(SR): 4.0000 |  | In case you don't realize, this is a direct rip-off of mission impossible 2 but it involves a hamster. Of course, what fan fic would be a fan fic without Fight Club, Monty Python, and James Bond references in it too? Well.. all of them except this one. Oh and btw, only read this if you're really bored cause its completely useless and doesn't make much sense.
This is a report involving a hamster. Yes, a hamster. His name is Hamster, and he is a very special Hamster. His water bottle will spill water if you tilt it upside down, yet he is, believe it or not, still able to quench his thirst. His wheel explodes if you blow it up, yet he is still able keep in shape. He reads out loud, but only if the words are spelled in hamster. For instance, "Squeak squeak squeak, squeak squeak." As you can tell, Hamster is an extraordianry specimen of the hamster race. And to top it all off, Hamster is a secret agent for the FBI.
Hamster was enjoying himself on a fine spring day. He leaped onto a thick ledge, only a speck on a huge sandy cliff. Hamster's grip momentarily slipped, and he felt himself sliding down the ledge. With his quick hamster reflexes he squeaked and regained grip somehow. As Hamster scaled the cliff and jumped onto the top of the huge mountain, a helicopter circled him. He saw a man dressed in black wearing dark sunglasses lean out the window of the helicopter with what seemed like a missile launcher! With lightning quick reflexes, Hamster stopped, dropped, and rolled. The missile-like thingydoie that came out of the launcher landed in the ground only a few feet away from his tiny little innocent footpaws (innocent, although capable of inflicting brutal wounds upon his enemy). Hamster squeaked in terror, but the missile landed in the cliff and didn't kablammo. The poor frightened hamster squeaked once more in relief, as he jumped onto the missiles and started tugging at it with his teeth or horrible death. It opened by itself, though, and sent him flying away. Hamster ran back to the missile and looked inside. There was a fuzzy pink sweater in the missile, and a note. The note said: "Squeak squeak squeak. Squeak squeak." Or, in the more common language: "Hey. Thought it might be cold up here on the top of this big mountain since yer just a cute little hamster. I also want you to brutally murder some innocent lady that we suspect is hiding some horrible virus." Hamster squeaked, threw on his fuzzy pink sweater, and donned his dark sunglasses of complete and utter coolness. Then, the screen showing Hamster magically shifted to his cage the following morning, skipping past the part where he somehow got down the mountain. The FBI agent turned on his laptop and found a message waiting for him. The chief's face appeared on the laptop, stared straight through it to Hamster.
"Squeak squeak, squeak. Squeakity squeak squeak moo."
(Hey chief, whats goin on? Got any info on the virus?)
"Squeak squeak."
(As a matter of fact, I do. The woman carrying the virus of death and destruction (we call it ASDF) has been seen attending testicular cancer clinics. We want you to sneak in to the nearest clinic, and keep a lookout. When you find her, brutally murder her with your pointy fangs of death and sharp claws of bleeding. But watch out, she is considered armed and dangerous!)
"Squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak moo squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak moo."
(Okay chief, thanks.)
"Squeak."
(Please Hamster, find and destroy the holder of the deadly ASDF for the sake of all of us!)
Hamster, satisfied with his mission, lay back in bed plotting his kill. That night, as a taxi pulled up to his cage and he jumped in, he bit his tongue. Surely he would stand out in a testicular cancer session. He would have to wear a disguise. He quickly donned a pretzel. Hamster sat back in his seat and became comfortable, when a floating piece of cheese flashed through his mind. That told him he would be at the session within the minute.
The moment Hamster sauntered into the building, people peered at him strangely. Apparently his pretzel disguise didn't work. Damn it all. But he, being the observant hamster he was, also noticed someone unusual. A man with breasts. No, wait.. Was that a man with breasts or a woman? It was.. a woman! Could this be the one he was looking for. She eyed him quickly and strolled off in another direction. He followed. She picked up her pace and tried to out-walk him. Unfortunately, his fuzzy little innocent feet of death were faster, and he soon caught up to her. She glanced at him out of the corner of her eye. Hamster made a sudden move with his claws, when she pulled a gun out of her hair! She aimed it swiftly down at his fuzzy little hamsterish self, but Hamster was ready.
"Squeak squeak squeaksqueak squeakmoo!"
(Death awaits you with big pointy fangs!)
Hamster jumped onto the woman, ready to devour the holder of that deadly virus for the good of the world. When suddenly, Hamster got disconnected by some fag on battle.net.
----Notes----
I'm really bored and messed up. If you didn't believe me before I wrote this you probably believe me now. =P
Hamsters own you.
So do fan fics.
This br was completely pointless. I'm not really sure why I wrote it. Oh yeh, I'm bored and messed up.
This doesn't make any sense either. Oh well, some things in life you just don't understand. I say, too damn bad for you.
Thank you for wasting your valuable time to read something idiotic. Cause what would life be without idiotic things? Don't say "better" or I shall throw many almighty hamsters of death at you.
Disclaimer: Please don't put your hamsters in hot air baloons, microwaves, on top of cereal boxes, or force them to climb cliffs. Thank you. |
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