I know there’s no pictures, but if anyone out there still has Windows 95 feel free to tell me how to edit the pictures, it would help a lot, I mean A LOT. Thanks.

CaughtNaked enters the room. The sexy blonde is sitting on his bed without the top part of her outfit. He steps in the room, turns down the light and removes his shirt.

Well, it was a normal day in NH, 21 ppl, 15 afk on Thanksgiving weekend at roughly 3 in the morning. WinAlready! Enters the room. 1v1 anyone? he asks. I say id obs and mayb BR. Suddenly Plowed no longer afk decides he’d play. We travel off to Falcon1/1 and to find that the map is none other than LT!!! Hurray I haven’t played that map in, well 15 minutes!!! gl and hfs are exchanged and the countdown begins.

Before we start some pre-game information about our mighty warriors.
WinAlready!- aka ++Falcon++ is a master of the newbie arts and a fine trash talker.
Plowed- A man with a friend helping him is a skilled player with no build orders.
CaughtNaked- Limited knowledge of html, and since white does not show up on a white background, whites color will be black. =)

WinAlready! morphs in at the 6 o clock position as white zerg while Plowed lands his command center at the 12 o clock position as a red terran. Zerg vs Terran are always fun so I start taking screen shots (ugh).

WinAlready! sends out his overlord for a little early recon. Plowed being to busy at his base decides that scouting is a waste of time. WinAlready! goes for that classic five pool hoping to mass ling. Plowed goes for M&M w/ a double rax. WinAlready!’s overlord is greeted with some terran hospitality with a couple of rines and promptly leaves discouraged by there lack of amusement. The game slows down some while both players build there forces.

Plowed’s rines are having a small party w/ some hot medics while WinAlready!’s lings just sit there hoping for a beach ball to toss around. Plowed has had enough of just sitting around and sends in 12 marines and 2 medics to pop those lings beach ball. He sends one rine out on a scouting mission and finds 2 sunks and leaves with half the life he started with. He takes a nap on a mineral patch and waits for his buds. After the reinforcements show up they move up the ramp and are promptly killed by roughly 50 lings and the 2 sunks. Medic screams fill the air, marine blood covers the ground and I am forced to look away for my virgin eyes begin to burn.

WinAlready! not being one to sit on his ass takes his lings to the man. They form a congo line and charge on over to those annoying terrans. The 60+ lings charge straight into the wall in and are greeted by 2 vultures, 3 firebats, 5 marines, 4 more in a bunker and two fine medics. Needless to say it wasn’t pretty. Due to some fine micro by Plowed and the 2 firebats only about 16 cracklings are left. After some final attempts by Plowed (lifting off his buildings) which were spoiled by hydra’s gg’s are exchanged and we leave to the channel WinAlready! victorious.

One quick question before the game is over, how come SCVs can be healed be medics and other SCVs? Lucky bastards.

*The Next Day*

CaughtNaked takes three steps toward her, stops and admires her beauty. He lights the fire and sits on the bed. She’s wearing his favorite medic suit. There lips meet and they fall on the bed.

Back in NH which is much more awake we all agree that the last game wasn’t much of a BR so they agree to a rematch. We go off to Falcon1/1 again and are greeted by that magic name “Lost Temple” hurray who needs creativity when there’s Lost Temple right? The timer starts, gl and hfs are exchanged and after about 19 seconds of scary lag from my part (damn bot) the game is on the way.

WinAlready! lands his commands center at the 6 o clock position as a yellow terran. Plowed morphs in as a teal a zerg at the 12 o clock position. The opposite of the last game, this should be good.

WinAlready! angry at those horney drones that keep stealing his medics and having there way with them is ready for battle. Plowed still angry over the last match is ready to rumble. The game starts with WinAlready! scouting with a SCV and finding those damn drones, he reports back home with the news. WinAlready! goes for that classic offensive bunker by a ¾ done hatchery at his ramp. When the hatch finishes he Plowed promptly makes a coloney just as the bunker finishes and 4 fresh marines are sent to there new home. Before the rines reach there a sunken is being formed. The SCV goes rambo style and starts taking shots at the coloney, the marines find the bunker as the sunk is at 256 life and get on the offensive. They make quick work of it and move on to the hatch. Plowed decides that muts/lings are in order and starts to mass. He drops off a drone at his natural and starts an exp. WinAlready! brings in the reinforcements of 4 more marines and 3 tanks. He sends them in and our disposed of my the ling/mut force. He takes this time to expand to his expansion.

WinAlready! sends in 3 tanks and the 4 in his bunker. 5 muta’s take care of this force but not before they do some damage. Plowed sends in the rest of his force, about 4 muta’s and 10 lings that wipe the terran expansion of the map. 10 marines stop further destruction and the remainder of them move up to the bunker with a wraith to keep them company. The wraith decides that he’s to kool for the rines and goes overlord hunting. He gets about one kill before five fresh muta’s finish him off. WinAlready! takes the time to float a command center to his natural and begin mining. Some time passes and Plowed sends in a force of 6 guards, 3 dev. And 3 muts. 8 wraiths finish off the devas and muts and move on to his base. WinAlready! also drops off 8 rines and has 12 more on the way. Its now a race to see who can kill the others base the fastest. As it turns out 20 marines + 8 wraiths > 6 guards and WinAlready! wins again. Hurray!!! WinAlready! is the champion of my first battle report and of the best of 3 games. GG are exchanged and off to NH we go, satisfied that the drones will forever be gone of his land. WinAlready! has proven again that nothing says har de har har like a good anal probing.

By: CaughtNaked