Warning

These kind of warnings really aren't necessary because almost every report contains large pics. In my last FFA report I tried to put in some large collages to make it a pain in the ass to download. I failed pretty badly, it took like ten seconds to load it.

This time I really put some effort into it and I think I have done a good job making some large annoying pics that take forever to load. (It's 1.11 MB)

In my next report I'll make this text white just to annoy everyone. Muhaha.

(Psst. Look at the scrollbar before you decide to read this, unless you're a rater because those poor guys have no choice ;)

Intro

I've had big problems with Battle.net lately, as everyone else I guess. There has been splits all the time, leaving me with the option to play "3vs3 BGH NO RUSH 30 MIN" kind of games, or just read old Battlereports. Guess what I chose.

Also, when I find a moment in time when there are no splits, this is what I find. A channel full of Diablo 2 players. It's not easy to get a good SC game here.

One day I finally found one of those non split moments with actual SC players in the channel! The conversation was drastically getting bad. Look at this.

"I say we play a game before we start comparing fantasies and porno sites." I agree. Eventually we actually got a game going! Yea baby..here we go...

Map: Polaris Prime (Bob's Obs)

Players:

Visual(SEX)6.0     - Teal Zerg

Wangsonn           - Brown Terran

MrPimp6913        - White Protoss

:+:SlipKnoT:+:     - Blue Terran

JawaAvenger       - Yellow Zerg

EnThuseD           - Orange Zerg

I'm too lazy to write down the positions so I hope this pic loads...

General Build Orders:

Visual gets going with early gas and two Hatcheries before his Spawning Pool. Then he morphs a Lair.

MrPimp warps in two Gateways and a Cybernetics Core. He also gets early gas at some point.

Wangsonn builds three Barracks and gas.

SlipKnoT gets early gas and one Barracks and starts teching fast.

Jawa builds a quick Lair after gas and Spawning Pool.

EnThuseD gets early gas and Spawning Pool and goes for early Mutas.

I wouldn't bet an icecream that these BOs are correct though :)

Early game (or The Expansion Phase would be more accurate)

SixtyWATZ is dropped early but after establishing that there was nothing purple on the minimap (his color) I understood that he was just an observer, so him disappearing didn't mean too much.

The players now start expanding. Wangsonn conquers the mineral deposits to the north of his main mase, and Visual transports four drones to the middle of the map. SlipKnoT is also interested in the middle expansions and floats a blue CC there, despite that the staff in it complains about the bottomless abyss they must pass to get there.

Jawa orders four of his Overlords to carry with them 12 Hydras and some drones to the expansion at 6 o'clock to enlarge his infested empire. The blue CC has now reached the north middle expansion and the alarm was triggered as a Drone started a Hatchery nearby to claim the very same expansion.

Two SCVs use their for the purpose ineffective weapons to cut up the new building like a meatloaf. Another starts constructing a Bunker to await the arrival of some marines.

Wangsonn now has a firm grip of his expansion with a defence consisting of a Bunker and some Turrets. He commences the construction of a whole new operational base, with Barracks and Factories.

Visual who has just lost a soon to be expansion starts another Hatchery at the southern middle expansion. When it is done he builds a Nydus Canal and moves some Hydras there for defense, in case the warlike neighboor feels like attacking him.

EnThuseD infests the expansion above his main base and starts building four Hatcheries there for production.

At the same time MrPimp conquers the 12 o'clock expansion and orders one of his Protoss warriors to maintain the base while he turns his attention elsewhere. Because that is necessary.

Mid Game

Nuclear Launch Detected echoes throughout the platform. A chocked silence covers the platform for a few seconds until the space is lit by Comsats ordered in panic. A dot. There. Gone. A blue Ghost died screaming engulfed by a glowing white sphere of plasma. The danger has passed..for this time.

The Dragoon on the other end of the shot was white by the way. MrPimp just thwarted a nuke from no other than SlipKnoT himself.

Visual is getting tired of having SlipKnoTs expansion so close to his own and decides to destroy it. A group of Lurkers and Hydras start moving north. The Lurkers rush a bit ahead of their friends and burrows right next to some blue SCVs which are collecting minerals. The Hydras accidentally run into a brown CC belonging Wangsonn and destroys it without even asking where it was going. Rude. The entire crew died in the explosion.

The group the continues towards their target. The only defence is a Bunker and a few Marines and a Medic having fun. There isn't even a Turret to detect the Lurkers. The expansion is destroyed by the smelly Zerg.

To compensate for his lost expansion SlipKnoT floats a CC to the platform above his main. It only takes a few seconds though before a couple of orange Zerglings begins scratching on the front door like a dog that wants to get in the house. SlipKnoT asks politely if he can have the exp, and strange enough the little dogs are recalled to other duties.

SlipKnoT now sends a Dropship with two Ghosts in it to MrPimp to carry out what he failed to do the last time. One of the Ghosts makes the Nexus glow with his laserbeam while the other is turned into a bloodstain that is quickly cleaned up by a probe.

The Ghost that died was probably meant to divert MrPimps attention because it didn't fire a nuke. If it was a diversion it sure worked because a blue bomb started falling above the Nexus and killed all the probes that were mining.

I hope you don't need a minimap to figure out where this took place...

MrPimps face turned white with fury and he said: "You are gonna pay for that Slip".

Let's see shall we.

A line of white Dragoons now starts moving from MrPimps 12 o'clock expansion. Remember that all expansions can be reached by land. SlipKnoT really pays for that nuke, it cost him his only expansion, above his main. MrPimp now claims that expansion for himself.

EnThuseD has now gathered a massive amount of Zerglings and Mutalisks and Guardians, and now moves them into the middle. The Guardians hover in first and throw their balls of piss at Visuals defending Hydras which starts dancing like John Travolta in Greese. Many Guardians die, only one or two of the initial six remain but soon Zerglings start to pour in along with Mutalisks and they kill the northern middle expansion fast.

About this time Jawa, who has been inactive so far, invade Wangsonns southern expansion above Jawas main. (Hmm...when did he claim that one? Oops.) He has gathered a lot of Hive level units such as Guardians and Ultras and along with Hydralisks they easily overpower the expansion.

SlipKnoT obviously wasn't discouraged by the loss of his expansion and decides to nuke MrPimp again. This time he fails though.

EnThuseD also destroy the southern middle expansion, leaving Visual with no income. He surrenders and he is now an observer.

SlipKnoT is not going to give up though. He proceeds with the same strategy, which seem to be to irritate as much as possible with his nukes. He has promised MrPimp not to nuke him anymore and he keeps his promise. This time EnThuseD is the target, more precisely his expansion. Many Mutalisks has just been hatched out of his four Hatcheries as the nuke drop. SCHMACK. Bloody. Very bloody. A large amount of Drones die together with their flying relatives.

Ouch.

EnThused was probably slightly annoyed by SlipKnoT, and he sends a couple of Guardians and Overlords filled with Zerglings to his base which is almost undefended. SlipKnoT floats his buildings to the middle where he sets camp at a ridge and starts rebuilding his silos. It doesn't take long before he is discovered by an Arbiter however, and he is once again forced to float his buildings. He is no longer a factor in the game.

Now Wangsonn and MrPimp get together north of the middle. Wangsonn has built a base next to a mineral expansion and he has BCs and M&M there. MrPimp attacks with Dragoons which are then pushed back with heavy losses. 

But soon newly produced Corsairs arrive to the battlefield. They do rather good against Cruisers bunched together and the BCs are pushed back all the way to the CC, only 2 remain. With the help of D-web the Dragoons push their way to the base and destroy it.

EnThuseD is now dropped and his underlings remain passive for the rest of the game. This lets MrPimp claim the northern middle without competition. Wangsonn gets the southern middle spot. (I'm not sure why MrPimp didn't stop that...)

Visual has now been an observer for a while but decide to have some fun, so he loads all his Overlords with Drones and flies via the middle to Wangsonns main. There he runs into about eight Goliaths and a few Marines. He must have thought that because he is now an observer the players have allied with him. Well at least Wangonn was not allied with him. That was one doom drop that didn't fare too well. Ok back to the real game.

Jawa has noticed the group of Goliaths, and he has more than ten Queens himself so he decides to use them. He cast Broodling on all of the Goliaths and then some Marines and Medics. This must be annoying for Wangsonn because he has a Tank nearby that hurts his own units and buildings with splash damage while killing the Broodlings.

Jawa now claim EnThuseD's old expansion at 4 o'clock. At the same time MrPimp thinks that he has way to much money in the bank, so he starts cannoning his entire middle expansion. Gay. Around the whole thing. Cannons side by side. And as if that wasn't enough he puts cannons in the middle of it.

"This gets gayer by the second" - SlipKnoT

He is so right. Wangsonn has got himself a fleet of BCs which he is eager to use to exterminate some insects. So he flies it over to Jawas northern expansion, the place where Jawa has gathered his entire airfleet consisting of Devourers, Queens, Mutalisks and Guardians along with some Scourge.

It starts off with some Queens casting Ensnare and covering the hightech ships with green slime. Then the Devourers move in end throw their purple slime at the Cruisers. A couple of irradiate kill some Zerg but soon Hydras come to help and the capitol ships are crushed by the lethal Swarm.

The only Terran units that survive are two Science Vessels that retreat as fast as their engines allow them to.

Wangsonn is in big trouble now, as a small Protoss fleet of two Corsairs and two Arbiters fly to his base. First the Corsairs D-web the worst spots they can find. Then the Arbiters come and Recall Dragoons to the spots there he just D-webbed. LOL.

But since Wangsonns BCs was destroyed in the previous battle he has little defence and is overpowered by MrPimp.

"That base means nothing to me" - Wangsonn

Ya, right. All his tech is gone now and all he has left is his southern middle expansion and the one above his main...err...no, just the middle one. A group of Dragoons killed the one above his main while the other battle was going on..

Jawa now does a smart move. About ten Overlords filled with Hydras and fully upgraded Ultras unload on MrPimps attack force. Not one Dragoon survived that "battle".

The Ultras didn't have time for Goon soup though and was loaded into the ovies again and shipped north. A group of Corsairs intercepted them but the cargo was unloaded in time, killing most of the Corsairs.

Wangsonns only base now contains four mineral patches and all are down to a few hundred. The only unit he is producing is Marines. MrPimp on the other hand have slightly more minerals left in his middle expansion and has claimed a mineral only expansion in the north. His forces consist of Corsairs, Arbiters and Dragoons.

MrPimp now attacks Wangsonn in the middle, so that he will have a 1on1 with Jawa. His first wave of Dragoons die rather fast despite D-web, but more are on their way. Jawa seems to have about the same thoughts as MrPimp because he beginns to Broodling SCVs and also attack Wangsonn. Mutalisks charge in only to face the feared Irradiate. Wangsonn obviously have a couple of Science Vessels left and about four Irradiades are cast. That and quite a few Marines finnish off the Mutalisks.

Wangsonn can't live in peace however, an Arbiter followed by Dragoons charge his now weakened base. At the same time some Guardians attack him from the south and he is no longer able to defend himself. MrPimp uses Stasis on two marines just for the heck of it.

Wangsonn just won't quit. He starts contructing a new base to the left of the middle at a mineral expansion. He builds a whole bunch of Barracks and a Factory. Only one round of units are produced though, before Hydras and Ultras starts tearing the place apart.

Jawa now launches an offencive towards the middle consisting of Guardians, Hydras and Ultras. He doensn't keep track on the Guards it seems, as they wander right through the southern middle expansion, running into some Corsairs and Goons, while the rest of the army must walk around it.

Then a pack of Ultras try to attack a control group of Goons. The down side of it is that the Goons are located at the bottom of a ramp, while the Ultras are on top of it and thus can only attack one at a time. Ofcourse they are slaughtered whithout killing much.

At last a few Guardians reach their target: MrPimps northern middle expansion. They start attacking. Now the first Psi-storm of this game is seen. 6-7 Templars storm the Guardians and are then chased by a group of Hydras and Ultras. The Templars run from their hunters and cast numerous storms behind themselves. Storms which the stupid Zerg run right through. About five storms rip the Hydras apart. The Ultras however doesn't seem to be affected too much by the "slightly uncalm weather". The Ultras then track down the Templars and kill them.

The surviving Guardians now attack the ring of cannons located at the expansion while the Ultralisks run down a side ramp. They run into a pack of Goons and some cannons and die quickly.

Jawa has now gathered a large army of Queens and uses them to Broodling Dragoons. Many Dragoons. (This is where the title comes in, hehe) Then he collects all the broodlings and charge Wangsonns last desperate attempt of survival. He has a CC and a Barracks which have just started production. Now Jawa kills them with Broodlings and Drones. That's brutal man.

Jawa then claims a mineral expansion located near the bottom right of the middle platform, and MrPimp claims his second.

Late Game

MrPimp launches a small attack on Jawas northern expansion which is stopped by Ultras and Mutalisks. Then Jawa moves those units out and runs into a group of Dragoons, about twelve, and kills them.

At this time MrPimp decides he needs to take a shower and hands the keyboard over to his younger brother ( known as wookie@war ) for about ten minutes.

The only minerals that are left on the map at this time are the six mineral expansions at the edges of the middle platform.

Jawas Queens now go on a mission to Broodling everything in sight. They target mostly Dragoons, because...well thats the only thing they can target since there are very few Templars.

( Also in my notes of the game it says they broodling all the probes at an expansion. Hm. Queens can NOT broodling probes. I guess it was a bit too late at night when I obsed this game d:)

Jawa now collects most of his troops of Hydras, Ultras, Mutas, Devourers and some Scourge close to the middle. Eight Carriers charge that army and calls for Zealot reinforcements which come fast and then they slaughter the whole Zerg army. 

Then they continue forward to Jawa's expansion. Jawa uses his Nydus canal to transport units for defense and when MrPimp attacks he Plagues the Carriers and his Hydras focus fire on one Carrier at a time, killing half of them before they retreat.

MrPimp is not discouraged by the loss of his Carriers however. He attacks again, beginning with an Arbiter which cast Stasis on a Defiler. A group of Zealots has gathered at the choke. The leading Zealot raises his right psi-blade above his head, points it towards the Zerg base and yells out: "For Aiur!", not unlike a general leading his troops into battle, with his sword high. The Zealots run into the Zerg base and destroys it quickly, since it was weakened before, and the defences was mostly Spore colonies. MrPimp then turns his focus to the main base of his enemy.

Jawas Queens continue doing their job well, trapping a group of Zealots in a corner and turning them into Broodlings.

Jawas last mineral expansion was destroyed by a pack of Goons and some Zealots, although the defending Hydras and Zerglings fought well, facing equal numbers.

In a last attempt to defend himself, and make this a gay manifestation on his part, builds Spore colonies covering the entire front side of his platform. MrPimp tries attacking a few times with his Carriers but the Spores just killed the Interceptors, taking minimal damage.

Finally he sneaked in an Arbiter and recalled some Dragoons, which ended the suffering.

(I could describe this ending a few more pages, it was quite a long process, but I'll spare you the mental pain....i.e. I didn't get any screenshots of the last minutes ^^.)

Winner of this FFA: MrPimp6913

Lessons learned:

1) Queens own.

2) Queens are annoying

3) If you let your younger brother play for 10 minutes you will win the game, obviously.

4) White background still owns you all.

5) I shouldn't have Lessons Learned in my reports, because there are no lessons learned.

Wait a minute. Isn't something missing here...hm what is it? Oh right, the SCORES, almost forgot...

If you want to see the unit, structures and rescourses scores I suggest you forget it because I don't want to sit by the computer and upload the freaking pics all night. There. The report is all done!

This was made by...