"Let's all take a moment to bask in the scintillant glow of our acquired mediocrity."
-~CattleBruiser~
|
| 2v2 tEmpLe so TOUGH!!*AHEM* | | | Author: | | | IP: | 209-239-XXXX | | Date: | 06/07/00 11:06 | | Game Type: | Starcraft | | Labels: | none | | Report Rating: , # of Ratings: 1, Max: 4, Min: 4
Lifetime Rating for dark_probe: 4.0000 |  | This is my first battle report ever… forgive me if this is bad
2v2 TEMPLE BEST GA*AHEM*ME
I WAS JUST STROLLING ALONG ONE DAY TRYING TO RESIST MY NEW COMPUTER. HOWEVER, IT TORMENTED ME SO, SO I CHALLENGED IT AND TURNED IT ON. I SUDDENLY FOUND MY SELF IN A LITTLE NICE BLACK CHAT ROOM WITH MY SCREEN NAME AND SEVERAL OTHERS. IN THE TOP RIGHT CORNER STOOD OUT THE WORDS 2V2 TEMPLE JOIN!! THINKING THAT SINCE IT WAS A TEMPLE MAP, I KNEW THESE PEOPLE HAD TO BE GOOD.
I WAS GREETED BY A SERIES OF “SUPS” AND “HEYS” AND “YOS”. THESE MEN (AND WOMEN PERHAPS) MUST HAVE A VERY GOOD ATTITUDE. THE 3 OTHER PEOPLE WITH ME WERE LOSING_BAKA, SSUCCKME, AND SUPREMETEAM. TO SAVE TIME I WILL CALL THESE PLAYERS #1 #2 AND #3. I ENDED UP BEING ON #3’S TEAM. I RECEIVED THE 9 O CLOCK POSITION WHILE MY PARTNER RECEIVED THE 12 O CLOCK (WHEW WE WERE CLOSE). THE EVIL KINGDOM WEST/SOUTH OF US BELONGED TO THE DREADED #1 AND #2 (KINDA SOUNDS LIKE AUSTIN POWERS). I WENT RANDOM AND WAS GRANTED BY THE GODS THE HUMANE RACE, TERRAN. GOING CLOCKWISE STARTING FROM ME, MY PARTNER WAS THE UGLY ZERG(THE OVIE IS KINDA CUTE THO J/P), #2 MUST HAVE SOMEHOW CLONED SOME OF MY MEN FOR HE RECEIVED TERRAN ALSO(THEY MUST HAVE BEEN EVIL BRAINWASHED), AND #1 RECEIVED THE WANDERERS FROM AUIR THE PROTOSS.
I STARTED WITH MY “FIREBAT RUSH TACTIC” WHICH ILL BET ALL OF YOU (SAVE #1 AND #2) COULD HAVE PREVENTED. RAX WITH 8TH, DEPOT WITH 9TH, GAS MINER(OR REFINERY) WITH 10TH, AND ACADEMY WITH 11TH. ANOTHER RAX SOON CAME AFTER. THEN, I STARTED CLICKING AND SOON I HEARD REFRESHING VOICE GO “NEED A LIGHT” OF WHICH I NEEDED TO BARBEQUE MY ENEMIES AND INVITE SOME FRIENDS OVER FOR SOME RIBS AND THIGHS AND… OK… SOON THERE WERE MANY BATS HANGING OUT AROUND THE TWIN RAXES PLAING BURN THE DONKEY’S ASS. WHEN I REACHED ABOUT MY 5TH BAT, I RESEARCHED WEED, OOPS I MEANT, STIM PACK. I SOON GATHERED 12 GUYS FULL OF GAS READY TO GO.
I WENT FOR THE MAN CLOSEST TO ME. #1 HAD KEPT ME ON THE EDGE OF MY SEAT THE WHOLE TIME, KEEPING ME THINKING IF HE WAS GOING TO BRING SOMEHOW A GREAT ARMY OF DRAGOONS, ZEALOTS, AND HIGH TEMPLARS INTO MY PUNY BASE. BUT AS I ENTERED THE VALLEY OF DEATH, I SAW NO GREAT PYRIMAD IN FRONT OF THE CIRCULAR MONEY AND GAS MOUNTAIN. HMM… HE MUST HAVE SOMETHING BIG PLANNED. MAYBE HE EXPANDED TO THE ISALND!!! I WALKED MY BRAVE GAS BALLS UP THE STEEP HILL ENCOURAGING THEM ON TELLING THEM THAT THERE WERE MEDICS ON THE OTHER SIDE FOR THEM TO BURN THEIR CLOTHES AND…
I KNEW THAT #1 HAD SOMETHING IN STORE FOR ME. AND I WAS CORRECT! ONE GREAT HUGE DIAMOND HAD A STRUCTURE OF SOME KIND NEXT TO IT… AND THE STRUCTURE WAS ATTACKING MY MEN!! I CHECKED MY POKEDEX TO SEE WHAT MONSTER THIS WAS. I THEN IMMEDIATELY TOLD MY MEN TO GET HIGH FOR THIS BUILDING WAS A PHOTON CANNON!!! OMG!!! THIS MAN WAS PLANNING TO TURTLE ALL ALONG. WELL UNFORTUNATLY FOR HIM, MY FORCES GOT THROUGH WITH MINIMAL DAMAGE AND THE GREAT RED BULLIES BEGAN TO PICK ON THE LITTLE MACHINES AND ATE PROBE ROAST. THIS MAN WAS A TOUGHY.
THEN THE WORDS APPEARED ON MY SCREEN: #1.. I MEAN LOSING_BAKA HAS LEFT THE GAME. YES!! ONE DOWN. IN THE TIME I WAS UNITING THE NORTH, SOUTH, AND THE EAST TOGETHER, MY PARTNER GATHERED A GROUP OF GREAT FLYING MUTAS. THESE NEVER-STOP-FLAPPING-THEIR-WINGS-CREATURES WENT AROUND #2’S BASE TO HIS ECONOMY AND FIRED BOUNCING FINGERNAILS(OR SOMETHING). AT THIS, #2 BEGAN A SERIES OF OBSCENE AND CRUEL WORDS. AFTER I DRIED MY TEARS, I GATHERED MY LITTLE ARMY OF FRESH BATS AND OLD VETERANS, ALONG WITH SOME HOURGLASS FIGURE MEDICS. IN THE DISTANCE COMING FROM THE EAST, CAME A RUMBLING. YES. “READY TO ROOOOOLL OUT!!!” “IDENTIFY TAARGET!!” MY WEARY INFANTRY BEGAN THEIR TRIP ALONGSIDE THE GREAT HEAVY ARTILLERY.
ALL THIS TIME, MY TEAMMATE KEPT FIRING AT THE BLACK MEN(ISNT IT SAD HOW THE LOWEST UNIT POSSIBLE IN TERRAN IS AN AFRICAN AMERICAN? AFRICAN-AMERICANS FORM A GREAT PART IN SOCIETY AND GREAT MEN ARE COLOERED…JUST THOUGHT I SHOULD MENTION THAT.) THE MUTAS THEN TELEPATHICALLY MESSAGED ME TO GO NOW FOR THEY WERE DRAWING THE FIRE OF THE LOCAL MAFIA OF THE TEAL TRENCHCOATS. MY MEN HAD A MOMENT OF SILENCE AS THEY TROOPED ALONG FOR THE MEMORABLE MUTAS WHO GAVE US THE INFO WE NEEDED. MY SOLDIERS ADVANCED THE HILL AND BATTERED DOWN THIS MAFIA FOR THE TROUBLE THEY CAUSED. MY INFANTRY GOT HIGH AND CRAZY. MY TANKS GOT STRONGER AND BRAVER. MY MEDICS GOT SEXIER AND HEALTHIER. THE TEAL TRENCH COATS WERE A THREAT NO LONGER FOR THEY HAD PERISHED UNDER MY FIST.
OH YEA… THE BATTLE… WELL, MY 3 CONTROL GROUPS OF BATS BEING HEALED BY MY MEDICS WERE HIGH AND LEFT NO TRACES OF THE TEAL TRENCH COAT INFANTRY. THEY THEN PROCEDED TO HELP THE TANKS TO DESTROY THE HIDEOUT #2 USED TO GET THEIVES WHO STOLE THE PRECIOUS MINERALS. THE THEIVES WERE KILLED IN THE PROCESS BY THE WAY. MY ALLY CAME WITH ABOUT 12 HYDRAS AND TOGETHER WE CRUNCHED THE PLACE. WE THOUGHT WE HAD KILLED THE LAST OF THE MAFIA. WE WERE WRONG.
THE GUY HAD LONG AGO DECIDED TO PISS US OFF. HE SAID WE WOULD NEVER FINE HIM. I THEN SEARCHED THE PLACE I WOULD HAVE GONE TO PISS SOMEONE OFF… THE PIECE OF LAND TO THE LEFT OF MY TEAMMATE. WELL, HE WAS THERE ALRIGHT. HE BEGAN WHINING AND PLEADING. I THEN ALLIED WITH HIM BUT NOT ALLIED VICTORY BECAUSE HIS ONE SUPPLY DEPOT WAS BURNING DOWN. HE BEGAN TO BEG FOR MERCY OF WHICH I HAD NONE FOR THIS THIEVING SCOUNDREL. AS THE RED NUMBERS CAME TO 1, I SAID GG AND ALLIED BEING THE KIND HEARTED MAN I AM. BUT, I WAS A SECOND TOO LATE AND THE SCREEN SHOWED: SSUCCKME HAS BEEN ELIMINATED. AT THIS I LAUGHED AT HIM AND SAID GG TO MY PARTNER.
IT WAS A GOOD HARD BATTLE WITH SOME TOUGH OPPONENTS*AHEM* WELL, THAT IS IT FOR MY FIRST BATTLE REPORT EVER. IM SORRY IT DIDN’T HAVE ANY PICTURES AND IM SORRY IT SUCKED ASS BIG TIME. WELL, I JUST WANTED TO TRY THIS OUT. OK SORRY.
|
|
|
|
Home
Forum
Starcraft Tournaments
