"How Not To Win a 2 on 1" (GOSU-CHOBO)
followed by
"My Brother the Siege Tank" (GOSU-CHOBO)

These games have been rated by the SCBW ratings system:

CHOBO-BGH - Suitable for newbies, with no strategies useful outside of BGH;

CHOBO-13 - Suitable for players who have advanced far enough to play on Lost Temple, but would not challenge anyone with serious skill.

GOSU-CHOBO - Suitable for players with average or slightly above-average skill, who play on maps besides the Big Three, but still lose more than they win.  Truly Gosu players may not find anything unique, but at least what's there will be carried out with some skill.

GOSU - Suitable only for players who rival the best.  May include much usage of the words "Gosu" and "Gay", or involve acts of Statue-rubbing or many pictures.  May be Thematic.  May also include drone drops or other bizarre, newbie-killing strategies.  Sometimes even includes new and useful strategic teamwork.  Not always suitable for Netscape in spite of its superiority.

And now...

HOW NOT TO WIN A 2 ON 1

Starring Syndrome_Zed as "Zed, One Lone Protoss", and Clan {A}'s Solarfire and Nuclear-Winter as "Chobozerg" and "Chobotoss".  Guest starring Cher as "Critter #1", and the voice talents of Courtney Cox as "Screaming Hydra" and James Earl Jones as all the Protoss units.

Things started out as an attempt at a public 2v2 on Killing Fields.  My partner pregame was a wuss, and refused to play with me as his partner (I'm 86-125-5), and subsequently left the game before it even started.  I wanted a FFA, but they asked if they could play 2v1.  Now, I don't normally have the skills to win a 2v1, but said what the hell anyway, since I'm one of those rare people who doesn't give a rat's ass about his record.  No mention was made of allying at the end, but I went ahead anyway.  Given the situation, I chose Protoss at the last second, while my opponents went random (chobozerg) or chose Toss (chobotoss).   

I begin my build by going pylon-gate-pylon-gate, then a shield battery then forge after a few zeals  have come out.  I send out Roboprobe to scout, and get really lucky - I started at 11 oclock, and at 12 is chobozerg, and around the bend at 2 is chobotoss.  Chobozerg is going for a 7 pool, but strangely enough has no lings made by the time Roboprobe gets there.  Instead, he's just started morphing a creep colony and getting gas.  As Roboprobe moves to scout chobotoss, I send my zealots out to make an early strike against chobozerg.  It's then that I notice messages from chobozerg coming across my screen:
"Found him" (when his drone scouted my base)
"Oh shit Im dead" (and got killed by 3 more new zealots)
Yes, ladies and gentlemen, it seems that chobozerg has FORGOTTEN to turn on allied messaging.  This extra spying ability will prove to be really useful in the time to come...

Meanwhile, at my main, I throw up a pair of cannons near my probes to stop quick mutas or to help against some of chobotoss' potential zealots, then proceed to get my CyberCore.  Roboprobe reports that chobotoss is going quick templar tech - why he's rushing to DT's I'll never know, but that sure seemed to be what he was up to.  Roboprobe continues down around the map, and I stop him at the 8 oclock area (bottom left corner) and begin an expansion.

Why did I expand so soon against 2 people?  Well, the answer lies in my first six zealots, which killed off the 4 lings and sunken at chobozerg's main, then proceeded to rip into his drones with glee.  He starts shouting for help from chobotoss, who sends another 3 or 4 zeals to help.  Apparently chobozerg was getting really worried as my zealots finished the drones and tore into the base itself, because he started mentioning that he didn't have enough minerals to start a new hatchery.  Luckily for him, the 4 zeals from chobotoss arrive in time to save the hatch, but not the spawning pool (which had been destroyed while I was distracted back at my main and before targeting the hatch).  I send another wave of 3 1-0-0 zeals and 2 range-upped goons and find that chobotoss has built a pylon and cannon, and sent a pair of goons and 2 more zeals to chobozerg, who has just started rebuilding drones.  

Letting the force suicide while targeting drones, I get a robotics facility and all its technological support buildings (Support Bay and Observatory).  I haven't seen chobotoss' main in a while, but scouting has shown no expansions on his part.  I have 2 bases now working at capacity and am upgrading ground forces quickly.  I throw down a  small handful of cannons just to let my regular forces attack.  I sent a handful (6 or so) goons and 4 zeals (all now 1-1-1) to attack chobozerg, who has apparently rebuilt to the point of having hydras.  Not many though...6 hydras attack my force, and with a small amount of zeal micro, they die without my taking any damage except for shield damage to one zealot.  Chobotoss has reinforced his friend's base with a couple dark templar and more zeals, so my force does some damage but still doesn't kill off chobozerg.

I have a reaver at my base now, loaded and waiting for its carrying case (also known as a shuttle), along with a couple dark templar of my own and a few observers scattering across the map.  I still see no expansions for either of my opponents, while I have 3 gates, a robofac, and forge/templar upgrades running as fast as I remember to build pylons.  My zeals are now speed upgraded, too.  Figuring it's time to hit chobotoss, I send 8 goons, 1 DT, and 6 zeals with an observer towards his main.  They're two-thirds of the way there when a message flashes...

Chobozerg, in a flash of insight, knows I have been building unmolested the entire time.  He says
"You have enough stuff to attack him. Attack now" to chobotoss.  So I have a decision to make...do I try and bring back my attack force, now clustered just outside of chobotoss' main, or do I keep building and hope I can hold off his attack force?  Not much of a choice really - by the time my attack force would have gotten back, the battle'd be over.

Thanks to my "spy" in the enemies' ranks, I decide to throw down another couple cannons while I'm building more goons/zeals, and keep the reaver at my base.  I catch a glimpse of my attacker's force:  3 archons, 6 or 7 zeals, 3 DT's.  All this time, and that was it?  Had my attack force been at home, I would have been disappointed.  As it was, it might just be enough to hurt me.  Fortunately, the damage I'd done to chobozerg was so bad he couldn't or didn't send any help.  That would have turned the tide in their favor - even just 6 lings would have done it.

Just as he attack-moved into my main, I attack-moved into his with my force.  Rather than microing my attackers, I micro'd my defenses and let the attackers distract him like his were distracting me.  The poor reaver got a couple scarabs off before it got popped, killing 2 zeals and a DT.  I tried to put it back in the shuttle, but an archon had gotten to the shuttle and forced it away from the reaver.  The cannons took care of 1 archon.  Two new goons took out 3 more zeals with shield battery help.  Two new zeals took out another DT, while the third strayed too close to the last remaining cannons (although I did have an observer overhead too).  Unfortunately, the other 2 archons had focused fire on my Nexus.  Once they finished it, though, they were easy to kill off by 2 new goons dancing a little, even though I still wound up losing the goons.  I was defenseless at my main almost - 7 probes, hanging around the last 2 cannons, which were too far away to be involved in the fight.  Those probes moved in, surrounded, and finished off the last zeal.  I had won with the loss of 6 or 7 cannons and my main's Nexus.  Most of my probes I had sent to my expansion when I knew the attack was coming, so I still had plenty of resource flow.

Chobotoss had fared much worse.  When I looked back, he'd lost all the cannons near his probes, and had 1 or 2 DT's running around trying to stop my attack force.  I had 4 goons left, and 2 zeals, and 1 DT.  I killed off his DT's by goon dancing at this point, losing one goon that got trapped by a couple probes.  He tried warping in another cannon (seriously) and that obviously failed.  He lost all his probes except for maybe 2 that ran to chobozerg's main.  Meanwhile, I'd begun recovering by warping in a single cannon at my main, and a new Nexus, even though most of the base was mined out.  I was still creating goons and zeals out of 2 gates while I rebuilt.  Then chobotoss claims he has to leave.  The conversation was something like

"Ally?  I have to go"
"Like we said in the beginning"
"Ally at end"

Now, if you scroll back, you'll notice that nowhere in the pregame did I mention allying up at the end of the game.  That's because WE NEVER TALKED ABOUT IT.  Chobotoss was so full of shite if you gave him an enema he'd fit in a shoebox.   So the conversation contineud,

"Ally?  Have to go" (Chobotoss)
"You've won"  (CT)
"You beat us" (CT)
"Ally" (CT)
"Share Vision then i'll ally" (Zed)

So they did, and sure enough, I had two bases and they had 1 and a half (chobozerg's main was more or less functional, even though he still only had about a dozen hydras, and the pylon and a couple cannons leftover from chobotoss' defending against my earlier attacks).  Being the class act that I am, and again, not caring about my record, I went ahead and allied.  I won, and I knew it, and that's good enough for me. 
 

Well, that was longer than I thought, so I think "My Brother the Siege Tank" will be a separate report.  Thank you, and we hope you enjoyed the production......