The OKA Kumite Super Junior Division Kumite Semi-Finals

Yes, thats right. I, Mr.Mediocre, made it to the semis. If you don't know what I'm talking about, it goes like this: OKA=Okinawan Karate Association: Kumite=Fighting: Super Juniors=17-19 year olds. Yes sir, I was kicking it hard this year and was rated #1 in Tennessee in my division. I made it tothe Semis and this is my BattleReport thereof. I dont have any pictures so bear with me, I'll try and make it as 'colorful' as possible.

ROUND ONE: ME VS. BLACK GUY

Ok, this fight was really not that hard or important, but I'll tell you about it anyway. I was paired against a black guy. I forgot his name. He had on a Red Gi(Karate Uniform) and I had on my clean, white uniform with one patch. The Standard Equipment was: mouthpeice, headgear, gloves, feet gear, and groin cup. There were three judges, one in the middle, and two in opposite corners. We lined up, rayed(bowed) to each other and the fight began!

I started off with a solid side thrust kick. This hit his forearms as he stepped back to block. I immediately rethrew the kick and hit his forearms again. As soon as my leg made impact I jerked it back and launched myself towards him. My right arm flew from its raised position towards his head with a backfist. His forearms had just gotten hit, so he lost precious time and couldn't block the attack. Point for me.

We lined back up and the fight resumed. This time he made the first move. He rushed in on me with a yell (which I think is gay, I mean cmon, "Ayee!") and a wild flurry of punches. I extended my left hand to parry the first of the punches and side stepped to the right. I was now at his side, and since his left foot was out front, I had a split second where I could score a point. I shuffled forward and buried a reverse punch(one thrown with the back leg hand) into his side. Point for me.

Lined back up. Fight began. He rushed at me once more, and I took one large step back, waited till he was in just the right spot and...shot my foot towards his head. I hit him the face and he immediately went down. I had to turn around because he was 'hurt'. ( I really dont like using kicks above the waist, its like what Bruce Lee said "I'd just as soon punch you in the foot as I would kick you in the head", but I did it anyway cuz it was a clear point. Anyway, we got back up and they called a penalty point on me. Bleh. Now the score was 2 to 1.

After another line up, we started again. I was determined to end this fight quickly, no sense in wasting energy on someone like him. I made the first move and launched at him with a backfist. He lifted his arms to block, only to see me halt my backfist, squat and side kick him in the open gut. I pulled it this time, so no penalty point. I won, three for me. Fairly easy fight. He was one of those ppl who are just like, "lets see if this one works" and they just throw a bunch of crap at you. You have to look for openings, make your move based on what your opponent has already done or what you know he will do.

ROUND TWO: ME VS. BURNISS

This fight was looking to be an interesting one. Burniss had a black gi on and had won his last fight 3-0. He was jumping around on the sidelines like a crazy man, punching and kicking. Fools, they all waste their energy doing stuff like that. Anyway, we went through the bowing routine and the fight was started.

He attacked first. And he attacked well. Before I knew what was happening, I had a foot jabbing at me and a guy on one leg hopping towards me. I parried his left foot(the kicking one) throwing it hard to the right, and preparing to jump in and score on his back. I did manage to throw it, but I was so eager to get the first point, I failed to see the spinning back kick from the other leg heading for my side. It landed plump in my ribs and my momentum was gone. He got the point and we lined back up.

Like I said, my momentum was gone. I really need the first point to do well in a fight and I had just gotten caught by a gay technique(spinning kicks are the stupidest things ever invented). We lined back up and this time I was determined to get my point. I began the round with several jabs from my left arm. I was just banging on his shoulder, stepping back, banging again, stepping back. This is a neat little trick and I managed to get him with it. After the first 3 time of me banging, he started to prepare to counter it the next time I did it. I sprang in to jab and sharply stepped to the right, leaning over as far as I could. Sure enough, a wild hook punch went over my body, I punched upwards and found his ribs. Point for me.

Line back up. We clash again, this time in a good old fashioned slug fest. These types of clashes go to whoever hits hardest, I think. And I sure was hitting hard. The judges usually give em about 8 seconds and then call random points, and this was no different. Its just that they gave the point to him. Dang it. Now it was 2-1. Grrr...This was bad.

Line back up. I begin with a seemingly head bound front snap kick. I shoot into the air and begin the kick, my knee coming all the way up to my chest and then it drops. It is immediately followed by a low midsection high roundhouse kick. Bam! Right in the gut. Point for me.

It was all tied up and I was pumped. Next point won and I was planning on losing. We lined up and the fight began. I started to circle as did he. He was doing something with his arms, like the were really loose and he was waving his elbows. I noticed that his stomach was wide open, so I made a plan. I started to jab the air and ran towards him. He ran towards me. I stopped, stepped back right foot, brought my right foot to my but and kicked straight out. Good, hard front snap kick had won me the fight. Right in the belly. I was afraid of a penalty point, because I didnt pull it at all, but I got the point. A well fought match, we shook hands and I moved on to the third round.

ROUND THREE: ME VS. SOMEGUY

OK, I forgot this one's name too, it was Sata something... Anyway, I had had a pretty easy time so far, no real brawling in the fights. Thats what I like about big tournies, everyone (most everyone) fights smart and you dont have to hussle that much in the fight (what I mean by that is you dont have to slug it out so much). Anyway, this guy had a red gi too, and we did all the bows and such.

We line up. The judge says "Fight!" and we, well, fight. This round was really dumb. Mainly cuz I got my but whooped. He came at me with his right hand outstretched, I tapped it cuz I thought he wanted to touch gloves: He proceded to grab my tapping glove and kick me twice in the ribs. Ouch. He got the point on that one.

This time I was going to play nasty as well. I walked forward a bit and then sidestepped, I then kicked the back of his calf as hard as I could, he stumbled back and I moved forward to catch him. He landed in my arm and a downward elbow was thrown and pulled before it hit his chest. Suck that. Point for me.

I could tell he was really mad, because his head was vibrating. I also knew that to confront an adrenaline filled man was suicide. I wouldn't even fight Mark4's skinny ass if he was hyped with adrenaline. I basically ran that round, until the judges stopped us and told me to fight. I looked at my opponent and noticed he wasn't crazy any more. Good. Good good.

We lined back up and the fight was off. This time I was the leg pumper. I lifted my right foot and just repeatedly kicked at his head and chest, hopping after him. I fully expected to get thrown down, but was pleasantly surprised when I hit him in the forehead guard. Point for me.

I didnt want to blow my lead so no first attacks for me this round. We lined up and went at it. I mostly parried until something really obvious presented itself. His arms were a little bit shorter than mine, so I made a plan. He had been back fisting at me a whole lot and when he did it next time I would get him good. He threw it sure enough and I simply half sidestepped, lightly parried the backfist with my left hand, and slide my own righthanded backfist along his outstretched arm into the side of his head. There was really nothing he could do, his right arm was on the other side of his body and he couldn't kick me, so I was very pleased with myself. I got the point and the fight was over. Yay for me. Now I was off to the fourth round. Scary scary.

ROUND FOUR: ME VS. FAT GUY

When I lined up I almost laughed. I was fighting a 5'4 FAT GUY. I felt very confident with my own 6'2 frame and decided to win this one 3-0. Man, I was stupid.

We started and I got the shock of my life. This little Fat guy was fast as balls. Faster even than T_Mac peggin' it with his 'buddy' in the morning when hes late for work. I mean THAT fast. He flew in on me, pelting my lowered arms as I desperately ran backward. I threw a knee up, trying to get him off me. He slapped my knee down hard and immediately slammed me with a back fist in the stomach. Double Ouch ouch. Point for him.

There was no way I was going to let this midget beat me, so I decided to play my game. We lined up and I started kicking. I kicked my little heart out. He dodged so fast. I just couldn't nail him. I finally had to do some cheese and spin kick him as he dodged, but I knew I was in for a real fight. I got the point and it was tied up now.

He got this point so easy, I hate myself for it. I kicked as my first move, he grabbed my leg as his first move. He lifted up and nailed me in the groin. And anyone whos ever worn a cup knows that they DONT help. El ouch. He now had me down 2-1. I seriously thought I was dead.

Lined up and went at it. I once more sidestepped and kicked out with a sweep. I nailed him in the calf and this time, just backfisted him as he stumbled. Point for me. Tied up now. This was it. If I won this fight, I could go on to the finals in a month. If I lost, I would fall into Karate obsucrity and feel really bad for losing to a short fat guy.

The next round sucked too. We just ran around. Him charging, me sidestepping and throwing kicks at his shoulder and head. Eventually the judges stopped us and called no points, basically to give us a rest.

We lined back up and went at it. He charged me again, but did not keep going when I sidestepped, he simply changed paths. He actually ran into me and bowled me over. I fell backwards and watched as he jumped up to kick me in the belly as I landed. I shot my right leg out with as much speed as I could muster and lined it up with his chin. I hit the floor and lost my thought for a split second. I felt a pressure on my upraised foot and and heard the judges call Point!. I got up and realized I had nailed him with my foot as I fell. It wasn't really a good technique, but hey, I won. We shook hands and I got my trophy.

Now I move on to the finals. They are held in Maryville, TN, since I was the winner of the semis. I dont live in Maryville, but its pretty close to me so I wont't have to wake up so early to get there on time. Thanks for reading, and I hope my deviation from SC hasn't upset anyone. I might have to kill you.

And one more thing...Mark, if you ever come close to Tennessee on some kind of military thing, tell me, and I'll come pick you up and we can fight some.

This is a picture of my family.

We do this when Balarg, the earth god, gets angry.

Thanks for reading, my third and final Ren and Stimpy will not come out due to the fact that noone likes it :D i will however tell you what happened to the mr.mediocre pic in my next BR.