Once in a land beyond time, a land so far away, you prolly couldn't get there even if you jumped REALLY far, prolly all the way across the ocean or something, there was Ren and Stimpy..............

Welcome to yet another Mr.Mediocre BattleReport. Amidst a period of some of the best BattleReports ever seen, where anyone and everyone can make a 9 report, there are but a few of the Wise Ones. We are an elite group, we see the world as it is, we see its spirit, we see its soul, and let me tell ya, its DAMN funny. So enjoy R&S and comment.

This game was the 11th one I had obsed that day. I was desperately looking for a game with which to put forth R&S and this one happened along. It was a matchup between +AnathemA+ and Assailant-X a.k.a Orc. My fellow observers, and some of the funniest ppl on b.net, Krebster and chu-chu-rocket were there with me and it was looking to be a very entertaining game.

+AnathemA+ landed in the upper right as Stimpy, and Orc appeared in the lower right corner as Ren. AnathemA adopted a build order, which, he was so ashamed of he asked us not to make fun of him for it. All we really knew was that it consisted of him lifting off one or two of his buildings once every 19 seconds, but it generally worked towards tanks and a drop. Orc had opted for quick corsairs and reaver drop. chu-chu and I were making plans to take over BR.com if they didn't learn to appreciate our humor and Krebster said he was glad he had pie, or else he wouldn't be watching this game. Well Well, Krebster, some of us just can't afford pie, so shut up. Anyway, the game. AnathemA had constructed a hefty wall-in at his base with a bunker and some tanks for defense as his tech buildings thickened the shell around his Command Center.

Orc had just produced his first corsair and was scouting the different mains. It just so happened that AnathemA's was the last to be scouted, thus giving the terran time to prepare for the drop which was immediately sent out. A single shuttle with one dragoon and one reaver ambled over the terran island and released its cargo. The reaver made short work of the several marines which were left defending with no bunker to retreat to, and the tank apparently had no siege, for it, too, just sat there helpless. The machine shop whirred furiously as the upgrade neared completion but the reaver wasn't waiting around to be destroyed by arclite. It popped back inside the shuttle and moved away from the tank before siege was complete. It unloaded at the top of the terran camp this time and again wasted a few SCVs, but not before siege finished and the tank did its business. The shuttle retreated back to Orc's base. Now both players started to consider expansions. Orc made a bold move and placed his first expansion on the island right below AnathemA's main. AnathemA was a couple minutes behind Orc on his expansion, but a drop ship did finally manage to unload an SCV at the middle top island.The expansions would not go without notice however, as both players performed drops at almost the same time. AnathemA's drop was all infantry and managed to almost kill one of the defending cannons on Orc's expansion, whereas Orc's three shuttle drop, consisting 3 reavers and 3 dragoons, manages to all but destroy AnathemA's expansion. The Command Center is forced to run and almost is destroyed by corsairs before it can land. AnathemA of course must lift some buildings to get any SCVs out of his base, so it was a close call for the CC. With Orc now in control of two functional bases, AnathemA starts to consider putting forth a real effort to take an expansion. But not before Orc takes another of his own. A shuttle is sent off containing an expansion team and soon a nexus and several cannons are up and running at the bottom middle island.

With this kind of income flow, Orc starts to tech freely and further reinforces his upper expansion. AnathemA, now in a desperate situation, as Stimpy always seems to be, stretches forth with all available power and takes the middle doulble island. He soon has a large force of marines and medics patroling the island, with turret support. But no sooner had mining begun when a single corsair runs across the island. Soon several shuttles are moving out across the map escorted by 6 corsairs. AnathemA's expansion looks in dire need of some help. Luckily he had just unloaded 2 tanks at the island and was ferrying over more troops even as the shuttles unloaded their cargo of reavers, dragoons, zealots, and dark templar.

The patroling terran troops proved too spread out to waste scarabs on, but the protoss infantry made short work of them anyway. The two tanks managed to take a toll, however small, on Orc's troops but soon they, too, were blasted into oblivion. The CC was not so lucky this time around as the corsairs were there in numbers. AnathemA was once again in a very desperate situation and started to devise a most wicked plan. While AnathemA was tracing his plans, Orc had set to work on making arbiters. He had several stargates up and pumping and was generally having a good time and forgetting all about poor little Stimpy. While krebster, chu-chu, and I were calling each other second grade names,

Orc had managed to spell his name in pylons at his base. We told him it looked kinda bad, so he set up another expansion at the lower left main and set to work on another batch of pylons. AnathemA heard us laughing and commented on how much its sucked to be toyed with. "Lowest of the Low" was his term for it. Don't be sad Stimpy :D Anyway, here it is:

Orc was simply too bored. AnathemA would soon cure that as 8 drop ships set out across the map. They zigzagged their way finally to the ver main of Orc's empire. There the drop ships unloaded and Orc saw the full reality of his danger. Several tanks, MMs, and vultures had all appeared on his lower right island. Orc let the attackers get a few shots off and abruptly stasised them all. Then his troops: zealots, DTs, and goons, all moved up next to the crystalized army and waited for the thaw. AnathemA had seen victory, had smelled it, had touched its crotch, but all for nothing. Orc had dashed his last hopes of victory. Stimpy slouched away and walked into the rain, but a gleam was in his eye, he held Ren's fate in his hands, but he knew it not yet.

AnathemA had but one drop ship left, and it contained two tanks. It shuttled off along the left side of the map, hoping to once and for all put a stop to Ren Hoeck's shinanigans. The tanks landed right in the "O" of Orc's name, and started to focus fire on one of the pylons. Orc now bent all of his concentration, all of his resources turned toward the distant tank fire, the mining probes attacked, arbiters fired, and the threat was over before the pylon was lost. Orc had come too close to falling in the drain.

Now AnathemA had a little bit of hope. He set out to start an expansion and at first he did succeed. He had taken the top middle island again and was mining happily when interceptors started to come from nowhere. All that could be seen were arbiters, and many of them. The cloaked carriers ripped through the terran expansion and passed on to the main base. There a hard fought battle took place, one in which Stimpy constantly reached for his bag of Gritty Kitty Litter. If he could but get to it..... The last two of his buildings stood proud and untouched as the carriers swooped in for the kill, but at just that moment, the bag of litter hit Ren smack in the head. Ren feel unconcious and the carriers retreated.

Orc promptly left the game in shame. AnathemA had won the game with 2 buildings left and Orc with the whole map under his control. It was indeed a great day for Stimpy. But Stimpy is not a selfish soul, no, he is very kind, he quietly slipped on his Happy Helmet and gave ren one too, and together they danced and loved each other, dance and love.

Thanks again for reading. GG to both players and especially to +AnathemA+ for winning even though his score was doubled. The next installment of Ren VS. Stimpy should be out in no more than a week, so look for it. If you would like to be in the next R&S just tell me in the comments. And remember, the final fate of the Mr.Mediocre pic will be decided with the 3rd installment, until then, my good friend chu-chu-rocket will do my closing paragraph:

As a young boy in a rural community, I often picked the Grapes of Wrath from the bountiful mercy of the town beauty Percilla M. Bation. She refused to ever reveal her middle name, perhaps it was too lovely that it might overshadow the name Percilla? Damn those torpedos, in the war fought under the stars and checkers, my father lost his leg to the animals in the rainforest; damn those penis monkeys. Often I take my little brother and throw him into the fire, and turn him slowly, pretending he is a blind mice, and I am the farmer's wife, roasting him slowly and mercilessly. At the last second I would let him out, and he would say, "Un giorno senzo vino un giorno senza sol" -- which roughly translates to A day without wine is like a day without the sun. One day working through the desert with my best friend Ben Dover I realized that Ben had been dead for over five miles, and that he wasn't playing with the birds, but actually he was trying to have sex with them, even though he was dead.

It's a hard knock life, for us.

chu-chu-rocket

Ok, this is Mr.M again. He sent that to me and I put it down in its entirety, so uhh...you can send all your hatemail to chu-chu-rocket.

Copyrights and crap are MINE. Red Meat can kiss my hunky, cuz I know they wanna steal my pictures. So COPYRIGHT.