"Angel: ooh ooh... can I have the Red X?"
"Talon: no, but you can have a bigass bowl of "PUSH THE REFRESH BUTTON, IDIOT""
-Talon/Angel
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| Two Vs Five . . . Even Odds? | | | Author: | | | IP: | static-3XXXX | | Date: | 02/18/00 02:02 | | Game Type: | Starcraft | | Labels: | Starcraft(1), Great Writing(1), Long(1), Text Only(1) | | Report Rating: , # of Ratings: 1, Max: 8, Min: 8
Lifetime Rating for |]agomar: 8.6667 |  | Two VS Five . . . even odds?
Wow, another |]agomar text report. This is impressive. That's three in two days. Feel free to donate medals or other highly sellable items adorned with precious metals. Although I'm sure rewarding me is far from your mind, since you're likely to be wildly cursing me for writing up another no pictures report, filled with masses of boring text which you are bitterly forced to read for lack of anything else to do. Oh well. Glad I'm not in your shoes . . . oh wait, I am, I wrote it. Dammit!
There, now that I have the witty beginning out of the way, I'll proceed to offer my third official cry for help with Hypercam. I can't seem to record and take screenshots of the actual starcraft program. The blasted program seems only to be able to get window images, which is amazingly frustrating. The next section of vehement swearing has been censored for the sake of the dozens of school kids that shouldn't be playing Starcraft in the first place, who are likely skimming over this as we speak. I offer my special hatred to the one of them who spammed this place nearly to death a little while back . . . .
But now it's on to our feature presentation!
Pregame Report
I was hanging out in nohunters, listening to Praetor lament about the boring nature of his name, and checking out his ladder rating which was indeed hovering around 1200, in accordance with a recent report of his I had just recently read. While consoling Praetor, I checked out the channel, realizing that there was a distinct absence of anybody cool and well known besides the reporter himself. I abandoned the famous report writer to his dismal complaining, and decided to join a quick comp stomp that I could backstab on, racking up another win. As I got out of my chair to heat up some pizza, I casually double clicked on a report heading, not giving it much thought. Halfway down the hall I realized that I had infact clicked on a 3vs5, then was repulsed at the realization that senility was creeping up on me even at the extraordinarily young age of 16. Sighing, I grabbed my still cold slice and returned to my room, checking the map and easing back down onto the ragged swivelling chair. Quickly, I chose Terran, while my ally Frangold selected Protoss and j4ckalr stayed with random as the countdown trickled suspensefully down to its close. Just as the countdown reached zero, I casually noted that this was not a 3v5 comp. We were playing against humans.
Suddenly I realized what this meant. Uh oh.
Early Game
As the map appeared around my purple Command Center, I found myself position at the bottom left starting position of a modified Perfect Hunters map. This world was certainly not mucho money ( I would never play in a map of such simplicity ), and instead had two expansions at the start of each narrow strip of land that led to the center. For those who have never played on this modified version, it was shaped roughly like a badly warped version of a six-pointed star. I quickly scanned the map for my allies, and found Frangold at top center, already scouting with his fourth probe. j4ckalr was also Protoss at bottom right, and was obviously taking a more conservative build, warping in a pylon on what I believe was his 8th probe. I also selected a standard building order, constructing a supply depot on my sixth SCV and quickly thereafter erecting a barracks when my 8th peon popped out of its manufacturer. Things were looking good as I quickly made a bunker at my chokepoint beyond my two expansions, so as to gaurantee myself 2 future sources of income to mine right from the start. Now I created another barracks when filling up my bunker, obviously opting for a typical Terran wall in. Within minutes, I had 12 SCVs hauling minerals, another two extracting gas, 2 bunkers, two barracks and a academy. I made sure to leave an opening between my defences, so I could move an attacking force out if necessary, or accept a fleeing probe from one of my Protoss friends. Now I made another bunker behind the first while constructing more SCVs, making an Engineering Bay at the same time. Frangold's probe had found a brown Terran to his left before being horrifyingly slaughtered by an enemy peon. At this point I had finished a comsat, and scanned the center left enemy, who was found to be a white Zerg. Now I started to tech up to a more heavy metal build, yet continued to produce marines, then medics from my barracks. Soon four bunkers had been erected against the walls of the chokepoint, and after realizing this I started work on my favourite defensive arrangement. Quickly, I trained four firebats, sending them between the medics to flirt around with the 3 medics also standing there. I would use this powerful strike force to massacre enemies that were concentrating fire on my wall of bunkers. Now, I reserached stim pack, then added a machine shop to my factory, rapidly uncovering seige mode technology, which was finished around the same time as the first gleaming tank rolled majestically into position. I also erected an Engineering Bay, with which I constructed a turret just before my second bunker, then moved the turret further up infront of the defensive structures to spot for the tanks and provide early warning of an impending assault.
Now, the brown Terran decided to attack, and did so in grandiose fashion. My engineering bay detected masses of marines charged down the causeway, just as I moved my second tank into position. The first wave of gauss fire washed over my leading bunker as I seiged my two tanks, then charged my stimmed firebats into battle. Utter chaos resulted. The blundering marines were absolutely massacred by the stimmed 'bats, and only four remained to retreat, which I hunted down with my now fully healed fire breathing units, and managed to cut down just as they entered the white Zerg's base. I laughed aloud while I set about constructing two new factories, then waited to gather another 400 minerals, after which I expanded to my mineral-laden natural. Soon, five tanks had gathered at the choke, and I began to research the vulture upgrades. When these were done, I quickly produced three of the speedy cycles, then placed three mines at the very beginning of my long, narrow chokepoint. Now I maynarded some probes over to the new expansion, after which my ally j4 commented on the pathetic nature of my defenses. Deeply surprised and somewhat hurt, I quickly skimmed over his own base, and immediately labeled him as a Cannon whore who obviously mistook this for a miserable BGH game. Fool! I uttered majestically, after which he decided to leave the game. I'm not kidding.
Good news! You have a one in ten chance of winning!
"We can still win!" I insisted.
"Er . . . " was the skeptical reponse. I figured that since we had made it to the mid game, it should be easier to smash our opponants, who were obviously newbies in dire need of a win ( otherwise they wouldn't have joined a 3v5, right? ). Now, I decided it was high time I concieved a plan. A plan of wisdom. A plan of cunning. In short, a Dagomarian plan. Thus, completely overconfident in myself, I decided I would try to win the game in 30 minutes using the awe-inspiring tank push. On this track, I erected another Factory, proceeding to roll out tanks at extreme rates. I produced another vulture, then built an Armoury, after which I comsatted the Orange Zerg to my right. It was now that I realized a massive blob of blue hovering just outside my ally's base, spied upon by a terrified little yellow observer drifting warily above the enemy formation.
Frangold was frantically queing dragoons from his six gateways, moving them into a wide arc for optimal effect. I nervously took a quick scan of the opposing army, which consisted of zealots, Dragoons and a couple templar, then sadly marked that I could spare no troops to help. Luckily my friend would recieve support from his cannons, and when they enemy attacked, they were eventually forced to a stalemate, before 6 dragoons emerged from the towering gateways, forcing the battered blue minions quickly away. Now my ally gathered 12 dragoons and powered them into brown's burgoening base, and managed to destroy a bunker, 2 vultures, a single mine and a lone tank before being forced back by streams of teal marines coming from the rapidly expanding 3:00 enemy. Now I expand again, to the smaller outpost just opposite my natural, while Frangold takes the liberty of doing the same, quickly moving out to his own natural and defending with yet another control group of goons. By this time, I have 10 tanks at my choke, and am busy adding a covert ops to the science facility I just built. I also turret in my main, to prevent the drops that can so often cripple a once thriving economy. I see that yellow is once more preparing for a devastating assault, so I resolve to help him this time. I also decide that a massive drop would be far more effective than a push in this situation, for a drop has far less chance of being intercepted by allied reinforcements before being truly successful, since it doesn't need to pass through the central core of the map.
Back and Forth . . .
Solemnly, the Protoss commander prepares for battle. He dons his protective armour and energizes his glowing psi blades. Slowly, he gazes into the clear blue sky above, and imagines the glorious sight of his home planet rizing majestically above the ragged brown horizon. "For Aiur," he breathes softly.
Indeed, with alarming speed and ferocity, two control groups of goons and a number of zealots burst out of my ally's base, tear viciously through a few screaming marines desperately trying to escape, then rip through brown's defenses in record time. Now three of my vultures arrive, two of them joining the attack and another travelling up through yellow's choke. The pair travelling up through the enemy causeway immediately proceeds to lay six mines in frangold's wake, to guard at least temporarily against reinforcements. The other lays five mines in a similar formation as the pattern near my own town, providing early warning against an enemy assault, or perhaps even discouraging one altogether. My two upgraded cycles now join the slaughter, cruising deep into brown's base and immediately attacking a supply depot well into the red. The depot explodes as I finish my first armour upgrade, and suddenly notice an uncomfortably large number of white dots heading over to my base on the minimap. I turn back to my vultures, then immediately switch to my defences after realizing what those spiny units just approaching my little minefield could mean. I double click on my firebats, control group the four of them just as my mines manage to slaughter five of the hissing attackers, then charge my brave 'bats into the fray, followed by the medics. As the lurkers skitter in, I order two tanks to fire on each, then command a quick scan of the farther reaches of the massive attack. My firebats cause unparelled devastation, killing off literally dozens of hydralisks nearly simultaneously, which are all firing at two bunkers which three SCVs were busy repairing at just that moment. The assault is easily smashed while my first dropships emerge out of my two recently erected Starports, rallying to a position just above the impatient tanks.
Meanwhile, Frangold's goons have made it all the way to the center of the evil enemy base, now finally assaulting the last line of bunkers and depots before the actual peon line. Now an enormous blue Protoss army advances down the narrow choke, only to come across my waiting minefield, where the front line of dragoons are violently set upon, losing three of their number and retreating with the damage of another two. As the Protoss recoil in shock, I commence Goliath production at my main, then research Irradiate for the Science Vessels I'd soon like to make. When two more shuttles ascend over the flickering starports, I realize I'll need some air support for my apocalyptic drop, but then see my ally's corsairs gathering at his natural, and thus am reassured.
At this point, I was feeling very good. We had the initiative, and despite our enemy's ability to vasty out resource us, we had greater coherence in our attacks and could work together far more efficienly. Yet my good mood soon dissapeared when a tremendous Terran assault rolled down my choke, vaporizing the sole remaining mine, then stationed itself just out of range of my defenses. However when I moved my engineering bay forward the dull thud of the mighty acrilite tank cannon resounded across the battlefield as my first line of behemoths was able to fire on his leading marines. Now he was forced to press on, yet my firebats one again stimmed and mowed down all unfortunate opposition. Yet there was still the tanks to deal with, who had now sieged just beyond the range of my own, and could barely fire upon the frontal bunkers, ruining my defensive line. I tried to charge my firebats down the choke yet they were crushed by the well space lines, whereupon I was left with 5 lone medics to defend against six huge, 50 ton war machines.
So what can a medic do against a tank? Ever heard of optic flare?
Indeed, I blinded the first tank with a medic that died soon thereafter, then blinded the second with another loss, then the third; in effect erasing his ability to actually see what he was still in range to shoot. The leviathans were forced to rumble forward, then seige again, but now I loaded four goliaths into a waiting dropship and droppped them straight into their midst. I also moved my engineering bay forward once again, and so was able to fire upon the enemy units with my own counterparts. Another victory, but this time at the loss of 5 medics, 4 firebats, a single bunker and a lone marine. I quickly replaced that, with the addition of another 'bat to the protectorate force. However, now I looked up and saw blue advancing into his ally's base in earnest.
Frangold had been smart in that respect, moving his spidery four-legged minions into a crescent semi-circle around the enemy units just now throwing themselves into battle. Many were killed coming out of the long thin choke, yet soon even the noble dragoons were overwhelmed when the dreaded Archons began to hover down the causeway. Yet with a bone-chilling cry of rage, my two brave vultures hurtled into the desperate conflict, and actually danced around pathetically with the last surviving Archon in what looked like some new three-way version of the West Canadian Polar Tango, killing it with only minimal damage! Now that's what I call ridiculous . . . .
But of course my Ally didn't mind. He enthusiastically cried "gg," then moved another twelve dragoons to finish off brown, who was busy crying for mercy, rather then frantically microing his scvs to slip out of there like most others would of done. Yet White had had enough of this extremely annoying whining, and decided to send in no less then two control groups of cracklings in to save his pesky friend. Needless to say, when I caught these approaching with a lucky comscan it was not a pretty sight. The first few were easily blown apart by my vultures, yet within seconds there were three to each of the little machines, so it was time for them to pray to God and say good bye. And like a vast tsunami barelling into and totally blasting away some puny coastal village, the 'lings smashed the dragoons into the dust from whence they came.
Go now, young Dragoon, and may Adun be with you, always.
Jakel looked out over the simmering horizon. He contemplated his mission within his spidery protective shell. Then, suddenly, he looked up, eyes set. "It is time," he hissed, "to avenge those that broke my body."
Frangold had had enough. "That's it," he declared, the moved his army out of his well-structured base to eradicate brown once and for all. Notice that I haven't used any words to exactly describe the scale of these forces. Put it this way: they were numerous. Very, very numerous.
The enemy Terran was just rebuilding his second barracks when all the defending zerglings were almost instantly blown away by disrupter fire, and onto the bloody gore emerged the 40 dragoons and ten zealots of my glorious ally. These were opposed by a full control group of valiant peons that the opponent had amassed, yet even this valiant defence was vaporized in seconds. Now the noble Protoss moved in for the grand finale, eliminating the stubborn humans at last. Reinforcements poured onto the scene, but when they realized it was too late they retreated cowardly back to the center, awaiting the yellow goons at the narrow start of the choke. Soon after all waiting armies were forced to defend orange, since it was at this time that I decided to commence my fateful doom drop, and asked for some air support, a request which was met by an angry reply by my ally telling my to just shut up and attack. Sighing, I comsated the map, and found that my Zerg neighbour didn't have an air force to speak of, and was comparatively undefended against a drop of the scale I was planning. Slowly, I loaded 14 tanks, six goliaths, 8 marines and a single ghost into 10 shuttles, and brought along two more as decoys. I also brought along three valkyries to act as air support. The gleaming purple ships crossed the watery casm, and unloaded their mighty cargo just behind the enemy mineral line . . . .
I immediately seiged half of my massive tanks, stimming the marines to engage the attacking hydras, and moving my upgraded goliaths into optimal positions for air support. All defenders were almost instantly crushed, together with the sole sunken colony the beleaguered base possesed. However now zerglings flooded the scene, and at least a group of Teal's infantry arrived, hungering for blood. I managed to beat back the savage attacks, but with only seven tanks surviving. Now I staged the giant machines and ordered two to constantly attack the hive, while setting three more to ravage the Hydralisk Den. Three scouts sailed in menacingly, and did some damaged before the first one was blown to dust, and the rest cowardly retreated out of sight. A a huge explosion of blood, the hive collapsed, and the last few drones were vaporized. Four more tanks rolled out of their factories which I quickly shuttled over, yet a combined ghost/goliath attack by teal killed another five of them. I brought over five wraiths and a science vessel, which sliced into a nearby lurker, then proceeded to terminate a new Hydra Den after which they annihilated two overlords with the help of single surviving frigate. Orange never surrendered, just like his Terran ally, and when his last surviving structure went down, he offered a gg and left the game. Now the odds were more even: only three enemies remaining!
The Dark Side of the Force
The cloaked Templar stood still in the midst of the nervous enemy zealots, arms at his side, eyes blazing dimly. The enemy was neither aware of his presence nor his purpose as they paced frantically back and forth, preparing for the assault they knew was soon to come. "You fools," the invisible templar hissed, "your fribble skills are no match for the Power of the Dark Side." And with a mighty swing of his transparent blade, the first zealot went down, uttering not a cry in his sheer, overwhelming shock.
Frangold decided to display more of his overwhelming power, choosing the hated enemy toss as his next target. An adavnce front of five Dark Templar slipped in first, cutting down a single cannon without loss, then turning upon the natural's peon line, slaughtering every single probe before an observer was brought in. The templar fled, only to retreat into a massive wall of advancing speed-upgraded zealots. Now it was the enemy's turn to flee, yet the unfortunate goons were simply not fast enough, and were hacked apart within seconds. A number of storms sizzled the dusty landscape, yet the offending spell-casters were quickly eradicated, and both expansions were dispatched of in no time. The range-upgraded yellow dragoons moved over to pummel the cannon wall which led straight into the quivering main, and managed to take down all defences with only four losses. An awe-inspiring, unstoppable mass of spidery units crawled into the unprotected town, razing first the pylons and then the nexus, scattering the terrified peons in all directions. Despite a control group of white's hydralisks that desperately tried to defend, all opposition was crushed and blue left the game with more than enough cursing and complaining.
By this time, I had reinforced my hold of the 6:00 position I had just conquered, shuttling in another two tanks and an SCV. I decided I would stop this pathetic fiddling around with a renewed push against white, instead creating a strong core of battle cruisers, the inevitable unit in all late game Terran strategy. I set three SCVs to work constructing another couple of Starports when I had enough minerals, then ordered another two to create the supply depots I'd need. I constructed a few more wraiths, then readied myself for the most powerful units in the game, and set the rally points to just below white's thriving base. It was lucky for me that I looked up at this point, for I was about to witness one of the most amazing things I've ever seen in any game ever.
Massive Recall > Peon Line
A full group of Fran's Corsairs now broke the horizon over teal's doomed base, dwebbing every single defensive structure in quick, graceful movements, to make way for the five massive arbiters that now followed. Suddenly I realized that Brown's former base at top left was a huge, seething mass of goons and zealots, then noted that the awe-inspiring arbiters had stopped just above the nexus. No less than five recall warp points now swirled terrifyingly into being, and, on the minimap, an enormous blob of yellow was transfered from one point of this arid world to the other virtually instantaneously. From the swirling blue vortexes emerged countless numbers of cloaked dragoons, at least 50 in all, and in a massive volley of devastating plasma fire the entire center of the base went down in a single shot! Now the cloaked goons moved on, with more reinforcements recalling in and another 6 zealots and two more of the spidery mechanisms attacking from the front. I rolled in my 8 tanks, together with a science vessel and 6 wraiths to aid in the assault, and managed to eradicate to choke point's defences before the entire base was blown away in a apocalyptic display of Protoss fury.
Tanks > Hydralisks
White decided he would let lose one more display of power to show us both that he was most definately not a newbie. At this point he had amassed another 30 of the horrifying hydras, and sent the entire army skittering over to Yellow's base in a devastating display of vengence. Luckily I pulled off a lucky comsat of Frangold's chokepoint just as the Swarm was streaming into it, and so managed to utter a bone chilling "yipes" before the first flying spine found it target. Quickly, I qued up my tanks and sent them into battle, escorted by a group of marines, some SCVs and a Science Vessel, while my first three battlecruisers thundered through the sky above my natural, heading for the evil Zerg base. Back at yellow's base, my Tanks were doing surprisingly well since they appeared to be ideally suited to the choke, and not more than six hydras could fire upon them at the same time, while the SCVs busilly repaired all that was damaged. Half of the attackers went down with ease, at the loss of only a single metal behemoth, and when two recall vortexes opened in the very core of the assault, it was clearly over. When hordes of Protoss units smashed into white's feeble defenses, I moved my immense cruisers, now nine in number, to deliver the customary final blow.
Battlecruisers > Drones
My battered tanks also lumbered into the final conflict, seiging in the middle of the writhering Protoss units, slaughtering the sunkens with ease. Yet it was my cruisers that truly spelt the end. The vast, glittering ships dwarfed my pathetic dropships as they moved to strike, and reduced the wraiths to mere minuscule proportions in comparison. The lair immediately went down to their Yamato blasts, then the double extractors, followed rapidly by very major tech structure in the main base. The drones attempted to turn the tide of defeat with a final horrifying rush that petrified me for a moment, before I realized that even the mighty drones have limited capabilities and couldn't fire on my Grand Fleet that shifted into position far above them. The peons were massacred in record time, then I moved on, irradiating a number of overlords before meeting up with yellow's victorious minions and my now six tanks. However, we still did not get out of this forsaken world with a win, so I quickly scanned the map and found a new hatchery morphing among the deserted Protoss structures at bottom right.
Good News! You have a 10 in 1 chance of winning! Er . . . .
When white realized he had been spotted, he naturally tried to save his vile, filthy hide by whining for the time it took for Frangold's two zealots and my two wraiths to arrive.
"Yo man, don't kill me!" he pleaded.
"Dude, just let me live."
"Cmon man, ya gotta gimme a chance."
"That' so retro and retro just isn't in anymore ok so just f*** off!!!!!" bellowed my ally, and I imagined him poinding furiously on his desk in psychopathic fasion.
"Dude, swearing is like totally un-gnarly man," was my response, whereupon white exclaimed
"Excellent!"
Don't blame him he probably just read Drefsab's "Bill and Ted's Excellent Starcraft Adventure." I know that after I read that report, I began to talk like that for another week, prompting exasperated outbursts from both allies and foes. Yet white's time was up to ponder the simple beauty of retro lingo, since our combined puny forces emerged onto the scene and started to some highly pathetic damage to the undefended hatchery. I considered moving my doom fleet over, yet thought otherwise, remembering how Mark4 had infamously overrun YRM many months back. And so, with an evil laugh, I moved in not 8, but 2 peons over to finish off the remaining hatchery. This prompted disbelieving cried from White, yet the hatchery collapsed into its own filth just before he could get out, adding perhaps the first chapter of shame and humiliation to the enemy's formerly clear record.
As my now full group of battle cruisers roared over my ally's dragoons in a display of might and power, the victory window appeared, and I sat back with the extremely pleasant realization that I'd just one what was essentially a 2vs5. With a final satisfied sigh, I arose to heat up another slice of cold, disqusting pizza, then realized that I'd have to battlereport this game, but still didn't have hypercam working.
Uh oh.
Lessons Learnt
I am da KING of Lessons Learnt sections!!! YAAAAA!
1) Firebats and medics in front of your bunkers is a very extremely useful strategy.
2) Those who criticize optic flare are themselves blinded to its endless possibilities.
3) Battlecruisers do indeed defeat drones in combat. Imbalance!!!
4) Stage your tanks properly to defeat the enemy.
5) Always be ready to change your strategies when it becomes apparant that so you must do
6) Always be ready to accept difficult games, for it through challenge that one learns.
7) Don't play in modified hunters maps without mucho money and new expansions. I couldn't stand this map, to be honest. I absolutely hated it.
8) Vultures are highly useful weapons if used right. They are particularly effective against unsupported 'lings or marines, and their spider mines can easily decimate large amounts of enemy units. What's more, the fact that they can dance highly effectively around non-ranged units makes them able to defeat anything from zealots to damaged archons in battle, if microed correctly.
9) 2v2s and FFAs are actually much more exciting than other types of games, even a 2v5. This game wasn't as exciting, say, as the one I covered in my last text report.
10) Battle cruisers are the core of the late-game Terran offense, and it is difficult to imagine a large, effective attack without them at this stage of the match.
11) Don't get your hopes up when working with screenshot or movie mechanisms. This hypercam thing is driving me up the wall, more so even than hypersnap, which I downloaded a week before.
PS. What is the Print Screen thingy that I've just recently heard of? How does it work? What does it do?
P.S.S As this comes out, I've just been utterly humiliated in a game vs Drefsab and some other guy. Confessor, my ally, left the game early, and I was on my own with my least favourite race: Zerg. I pathetically turtled in, not allowed to expand and fearing an attack by a mixture of protoss units that I simply couldn't find a counter for. In short, I was crushed, and was declared a BGH newbie. I will now take the opportunity to tell Krebsab or whatever his name was that I could beat him any time as Protoss, and to tell Dref that I'd like to play him in a 1v1 sometime.
This has been a |]agomar production |
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