"Apex-X is trying once again to prove that his balls are bigger than his brain, and starts teching to arbiters."
Bob_The_Newt
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| ShakaZulu's Crash Course in Nuking | | | Author: | | | IP: | 210-56-9XXXX | | Date: | 02/16/00 09:02 | | Game Type: | Starcraft | | Labels: | none | | Report Rating: , # of Ratings: 1, Max: 7, Min: 7
Lifetime Rating for Carnal XTC: 7.6000 |  | 
Map: Lost Temple
Players: Bunz the Ripper (Protoss), ShakaZulu (Terran), archadiox aka Peon (Zerg)
As an encore to the last game between these three foes, they decided to once again meet and indulge in a game of 3-way Lost Temple. In the chat room, archadiox (aka Peons of the World Unite!) declared that this game, he would play “hardcore.” The other players gave each other a puzzled look and the game began.
Early Game
 For all of you who tuned in for the last episode, Peon (12:00) tried an experimental build/strategy of tech up to defilers and queens hyper-early. He almost lost that one, and I suppose that’s why he opted for a more conventional build this time around. He did a 12-hatch to the extra starting locale and then proceeded to get a spawning pool. As the lings started pumping, he built a third hatch at the choke of his main.
 Bunz the Ripper (6:00 and heretofore known as Bunz) went for 3 gates and a cyber core, massing – you guessed – Zealots and Dragoons! Oh that clever tactician. Of course, judging by how well that served him last game, who can blame him?
And ShakaZulu (9:00), having lost hard in a “warm-up” 1 on 1 with Peon, was playing the turtle game, with a walled off choke and a cliff bunker. He quickly produced 2 factories and expanded at the first sign of tanks.
The Twist Goes Crazy
Peon, knowing his enemies were still reeling from the last game and predicting early attacks, neglected to hit their zerg adversary early. In turn, he established (before teching past a pool) 2 bases (the 12:00 and 3:00) and a choke hatchery with 4 sunkens (all the while sending scout lings to check up on his foes). As soon as he had 6 hydras, he ran them and 12 lings down to Bunz’s expansion attempt that his ling had noticed. Unfortunately, they were intercepted by the protoss horde before they could start hitting pot shots.
After a reasonably even skirmish, Peon ran away from the remaing zeals with his 3 remaining hydras. It’s here that his macroing skills aided him. He had kept some lings on defense at his main, meanwhile building up a hotkey of hydras. By the time his hydras got back home, they were herded back to the Protoss base, this time with a ratio of 24/15 zerglings to hydras. Bunz had produced a hotkey of goons in the meanwhile to aid his wounded zeals, making the match look fairly even.
However, after the initial hits were volleyed, Peon heard the sweetest sound echo from his hydra den: “Evolution complete.” He quickly grabbed the 2 hydras that were set to be focus-fired and morphed then into lurkers mid-battle. Bunz, realizing that he had no observers, panicked and began hitting those lurkers as hard as he could. Peon smiled and brought the 2 hotkeys of ling reinforcements to the base.
The Protoss forces/expansion/base were rapidily razed, and as he finished up the last of Bunz’s buildings, he morphed 2 hatcheries at each of his naturals (yes the money had been piling up).
Finishing Touches
 ShakaZulu had been massing up on ghosts and tanks, and had expanded to his natural. He had erected a shockingly effective defense of Ghosts, Bunkers, Tanks, and spider mines. Assuming his foe would have had a more sizeable army, Peon was franticaclly massing up lings, hydras, and lurkers. Just as he had assigned hotkeys to all of his units, 2 little purple dots appeared behind Peon’s Lair. The freakish terran commander had sent 12 ghosts and 2 tanks to hurt Peon’s peons.
At this point, ShakaZulu does what I hope will go into the annals of history as one of the most phenomenally stupid plays in the history of Starcraft. He had prepared a nuke, and selected all 12 ghosts to nuke, knowing that only one would hit. Just as he was about to click the Lair, in runs one of Peon’s Lurkers. In a move of rash stupidity, the ghosts target the nuke at the lurker, who is out of range of the tanks and the lair. He somehow assumed that everything was still going as planned. 
That’s right, he didn’t take note of the red dot or the nuclear launch warning. Seconds later, he let out a sound reminiscent of a cat with a sewn-up bum trying to relieve itself*; his tanks and ghosts were shredded by the missile. “Foist by his own petard,” one might say.
As all this was going on, Peon had run his forces into the defenses, and lost a ton of units. This proved to be of use to him, though, as his spire had just finished, and he was able to churn mutas from all 8 hatches (lots of extra supply from the dead lings). The “Deus Irae” muta pack (20-strong) flew through the back of his base and, catching ShakaZulu completely off guard (after all, there were no signs of mutas 1 minute earlier) eradicated his SCVs and his command center.
He then proceeded to waste the upper left island base’s SCV’s and Command Center.
He then (with the next batch of 16 mutas) sauntered into the last peon line and killed the Command center, the bunkers, the tanks, and just about everything else you could lay his glaves on.
Yes, in a brief 3 minutes, he had produced mutas, killed off all economy, and shattered the turtle’s shell.
Minutes later, the game was over.
I realize that this game, while it was quite fun, was highly one-sided. There were a few more less-than-notable (failed) drop attempts by ShakaZulu, but otherwise, that’s the bulk of the action. I felt compelled, however, to demonstrate how NOT to nuke. :)
Lessons Learned:
1. When nuking, be sure not to aim at your own units.
2. Beware Peon when he’s playing “hardcore.”
3. Suddenly producing 16+ mutas will throw off even the most observant player.
4. Sending lings to scout for expansions is a must. Just 25 minerals apiece!
5. After my "ordeal" with the pictures, I've found that Geocities is the only of the 3 freepage distributors that actually allows me to link pictures onto other pages. Anyways, I'm glad I managed to cure the ills of my previous posting. Please completely disregard its existence. :)
--XTC
*Please take note that while I’ve never actually sewn up a cat’s rectum, I assure that if I did, this is the exact sound it would make. :) |
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