| Conclusion...hopefully | | | Author: | | | IP: | aden2-14XXXX | | Date: | 01/26/00 06:01 | | Game Type: | Starcraft | | Labels: | none | | Report Rating: , # of Ratings: 1, Max: 7, Min: 7
Lifetime Rating for Jamellan: 7.7609 |  | When we last left Jamellan he had just fended off a gang bang with some help from Azzkicker...we go back to that now..otherwise they don't pay us...and when they don't pay us
My small squad of marines and medics had just reached the outskirts of the enemy terran's base. I decided to scan before i went in guns ablazing. Right after scanning I recieved a message from the terran commander...he obviously saw my magic scanning dust fly through the air.
"Hi, you suck." I would have smacked him hard for that, but scan did reveal another bunker so i decided I would wait for my tanks.
"Marines, hold your position there turning in a different direction every once in awhile and in no particular formation."
"Affirmative sir."
I ordered up a factory awhile ago, which was done by now. I had a machine shop put up right away.
"You, go put up the machine shop."
"No need to sir."
"And why is that?"
"Because add-ons don't need scv's to make them."
I looked out my window and indeed the machine shop was being magically put together without the aid of my scv's magic drills.
"How does it do that."
"Beats me sir, less labor anyway."
"ARE YOU THEA SHA???"
"AHHHHH, what the #$%^??!?!?!" I then realized I had hit the volume button on the voicecom...many times.
"What is it Azzkicker?"
"The zsherg are being a pain in the ash. One of them hash been bushy shending groupsh of zsherglingsh at me."
"Are you ok?"
"Of coursh sha. My zshealot warriorsh are ripping through them wave after wave."
"Strange the zerg would not adapt to their tactical failures."
"Well sha, maybe retarted zsherg sherabratsh are common theshe daysh....wait a shec sha, I think I'm picking up a transhmishion from our zsherg ally."
"Put this on the speaker wire-lady."
The cerabrate spoke, "...zerglings......" Me and Azzkicker stared at each other for a moment when the wire-lady interrupted, "Sir, the mentally impaired zerg has sent a massive wave of zerglings at the presumed mentally impaired zerg enemy. I watched on the battle screen as the zerglings ripped into it's defenseless base, it was destroyed.
"Well look at that sha. One lesh problem on thish planet."
"Indeed. Try to scout out the other zerg and see what's going on with him, I'll deal with the terran army."
"Will do sha, Azshkicker out."
I opened a channel with our zerg ally, "Good job. It's an honor to have a zerg fighting alongside us."
".........cookie?......."
...I had just been asked for a cookie from a zerg cerabrate. I felt like I had a pet dog or something...only a little deadlier.
"You will be rewarded with the cookie of honor when this battle is over."
"...okely dokely...." I quickly turned off my monitor after that last comment and went back to the battlefield. I decided it was time to expand and realized I had no available supply. Therefore, I took 2 of my scv's off of mining and put one on another depot and the other to go build a command center at another resource node. I then opened a channel to one of the scv's.
"What is it sir?"
"Well, I was just wondering, what are in those damn supply depots? Why do you people refuse to work till I put up more of them?"
"Well, sir, they're contained with corn nuts, of course." I then realized that Azzkicker's army would be powering their buildings with something other than pylons in the future...
My first 2 tanks were ready to go kill some stuff at this point, and they had siege capability, and I sent them to join my waiting marines and medics....although my medics were gone for some reason!!
"Medics, report in!"
"Yes sir?"
"Where the hell are you."
"We followed the scv you sent to find an expansion...he had a boo boo."
Stupid medics. Always following a wounded unit if they got the chance. I scanned the terran base again just to be safe. I noticed he had a starport along with a sci facility and physics attackment. I didn't see any defenses though except for the bunkers. I also noticed that both my tanks were now gone. Two menacing cruisers flew overhead towards my 8 marines.
"Crap! Marines, stim and engage the cruisers." I then realized how stupid that command must have sounded...heh heh, have marines engage a giant spaceship....but my marines seemed to be even more braindead as I watched their dumbasses fire away at them. As I watched my marines die, I pulled out some paper and started to color with my vespene crayons, asking myself why do I always get the stupid ones. Then, all of a sudden, I heard a giant BOOM!!! I looked on my battle screen and saw a giant fireball where one of the cruisers used to be.
"One cruiser down sir, engaging the other."
After making sure there were no gas leaks in my command center, I gained my confidence back and noticed I had 14 marines, 4 medics, 2 tanks, and a new command center waiting for orders.
"All units, proceede to the enemy front and wait for orders."
"Roger that sir...scuse me...pardon me...sorry."
After much pushing and shoving, my units were all walking single file to the enemy's base....
"Sir, I'm having problems."
I looked on my screen and saw one of my tanks moving back and forth trying to maneuver around a mineral patch. IDIOTS!
"Here, follow these coordinates and you'll be free of the mineral patch."
"Thank you sir."
When my last tank finally made it to the front I had them siege up and start frying the bunkers. While I let my army have fun, I checked in the the protoss commander.
"Yesh sha?"
"How are things going."
"We are having difficultiesh with the other enemy zsherg. He hash a mashive army of hydralishks, lurkersh, and zsherglingsh pushing toward our zsherg ally. I've made a few attemptsh to engage itsh forshe, but I've only managed to shlow it down. I'm alsho running out of money."
"Continue to keep the zerg force occupied. I should have the enemy terran army taken care of very soon. And if you're running out of money, go expand to another resource area."
"Oh...good call sha. Azshkicker out."
.....I was starting to get a headache. I flipped battle screens to see what was going on with our zerg ally. It had about 8 lurkers advancing toward the enemy horde with no support. I knew this was a no-no since I read the zerg tactics book a few times. As the lurkers approached the army, they burrowed. Since our ally's lurkers basically had "shoot me" signs on them, about 4 were killed while they were burrowing. The rest were killed due to the overlord overhead which our zerg ally also seemed to neglect. I knew I was going to have to intervene soon. Things were good though as the rest of the terran base was crushed. When my tactical computer told me that the terran army left the game I moved on. Stupid computer glitch! This was no game... The enemy zerg force advanced on our zerg ally meeting little resistance. Another force from Azzkicker had arrived but it was beat down quickly. As my army headed toward the front lines, I had another 12 marines, 2 medics, and 4 tanks join them. Just before i had my infantry engage the zerg force, I ordered my marines to stim and then move in. As the marines moved in, the medics fell slowly behind and then just stopped.
"Medics! What are you doing."
"No one needs our healing in our radius."
"How about the marines that just went into battle?!?!"
"According to Blizzard code 369, we are only to pursue injured units until they are out of our radius. Would you like us you walk over to their general area?"
"YES!!!"
Fortunatly, I only lost a few marines to that incompetence. I had my tanks siege up behind the marines, and the zerg's force was now slowly dying! I saw our zerg ally send another 8 lurkers into the enemie's base. They might have done some damage this time, had they not engaged the giant cluster of spore and sunken colonies. I advanced my tanks and had them engage the giant defense cluster. I then recieved a transmission from the enemy zerg.
"This battle was unfair! My allies sucked!"
I paused for a minute....what the hell was he talking about??
"So don't ally with them then you idiot!"
"You may have won the battle, but you wont take me with you! Muhahahaaa!" With that I saw him rip out a cord and the transmission went dead. From his main hatchery lair I saw a pod of some sort eject out of the top of it, and then the entire zerg force went dead. Who's the coward now I thought to myself.
"Good job sha," said Azzkicker over the intercom. "The planet ish oursh! We shall have a mashive feasht in your honor, you may chooshe the main courshe."
"In that case," I replied, "I'd like a roasted high templar on an a plate with an apple stuck in it's mouth." We both had a good laugh for Azzkicker knew that high templars didn't have mouths and me because that's what i'd actually do if I caught one of them f$%^ers before they vaporized into the damn air!!! Anyway, on this glorious day, I have gone from a coward to a hero.....a hopefully go from a guy who doesn't get laid to a guy...who..well..does. Because over this bloody war I've always been getting the urge and I gotta go to the commanders bathroom a..
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