" Long ago, there was a boy, almost a man, who wished, on his birthday, to become a man. Sitting in his home, waiting for the world to see his strength, poise, and stature, he wished only to gain the respect and trust of his peers. What he got instead was Starcraft, and it was better then all that other shit. "
- LoZeR-X's The First Battle Report by LoZeR-X
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| DONT MESS WITH WHOOP!! | | | Author: | | | IP: | XXXX | | Date: | 05/28/99 11:05 | | Game Type: | Starcraft | | Labels: | Starcraft(1), Text Only(1) | | Report Rating: , # of Ratings: 5, Max: 8, Min: 7
Lifetime Rating for Whoop: 6.9130 |   | Well darnit since this report is going to be RATED I suppose I am forced to spend a little extra time so I get over a 3.
Pre-Game:
It is late at night and I am using a newly created account. Bnet is surprisingly having problems......lag ect...I go into Nohunters but as normal they ignor anyone they dont know and since I am without a partner I join a 3v3 hunters game. I am the forth person to join, and soon we get another. The familiar "One more" syndrome.....
As I am watching TV I look up when I hear the countdown starting and realize one person has left and we are gonna do a little 2v2.
Early Game
Everyone has selected the powerful RANDOM race and I unfortunately get terran. I spawn at one of my least favorite spots in the best map ever (well except BGH wid MUCHO money $$$) at 3:00. My parter is toss and has the 9:00 spot.
Betrayal at Kondor
My parter isn't saying anything and I generally dont talk to random partners (they always are in awe of my dope skillz and want to be my friend). I am doing my normal build of depot rax - rax and THATS when I notice my partner has pulled all of his probes off the minerals and they are HEADED TO MY BASE!?!?!?!!
My worst fears are confirmed when through shared vision I realize its not a 2v2 but a 3v1 Whoop RUSH!
I think about my options.
#1. Disc - This would require me having to pull of an intense series of keystrokes on my computer(alt - control - delete)and since I have one hand on the mouse I decide to forgo this option.
#2. Taunt while lifting off - This option seemed the most viable option. The reason I would life off is to give myself the maximum length of time to assult them verbally and so I unleashed my first taunt.
"Your father was a hamster and your mother smelt of elderberries!"
Actually I couldnt think of any thing good to say and all I managed was...
"ummmm you guys suck"
This made me realize I had to turn to option #3.
FIGHT!
The Battle Of The Workers
At this point I have rax #1 almost done and #2 building and around 13 scvs. I quickly unallied and turned off vision and prepared to do combat. The enemy workers entered my base and began their assult. They were obviously on attack move as they first bagan to destroy my ever sooo important supply depot. As they realized that there were better targets they looked to kill the hated scvs. Fortunately I was using my normal terran wallin build so they could not mass enter my scv line. Another plus was that I was fighing probes and drones at first which are pitiful warriors when compared to the mighty (and repairable) scv. Drones and probes were popping left and right when suddenly I am filled with joy as my first marine pops out. I'm not sure but I think he said "Get ready to eat shit you mother F___ing A-holes!"
At this point enemy scvs entered the battle but they were no match for my lone marine which I surrounded with SCVs. In fact I was so confident at this point I was able to finish barracks #2 (the scv making it had been killed) and assess the damage. I was left with 7 scvs and had 2 marines. They also had managed to kill my supply depot. At this point the enemy takes the time to say "uh oh..."
Whoop Opens Up A Cold Six Pack
My "ally" was nice enough to keep shared vision on. He had 4 probes mining and the nexus beacon was flashing. I decided that no matter WHAT happened that he must die. I sent my force of 2 marines to deal death and they start blasting away at the enemy. He runs his probes and makes a key error by running to both his partners bases while still sharing vision. I am given a quick glimse of their bases before I kill the bastards nexus and lone pylon and hear the sweet sound of ENEMY LAMER #1 eliminated.
Back home I am starting to ammass troops and send a squad of 6 marines to get the zerg. I am greeted by a few lings and a sunken so I retreat back to home. A few seconds later 10-12 lings unwisely are sent on a kamikazzee mission against my walled in marines which I dispatch without a single loss. With my comsat completed I scann the terran enemy and notice he has no refinery. Knowing he will have no chance I send in 12 marines and 2 medics. I am greeted by a newbie style wallin of depots in front of bunkers and I start blasting the depots. Again showing his total incompetence he unloads both bunkers and I shred him without a single loss of life. SSSSSSSTTT AHHHH THATS THE STUFF!
Meanwhile back home another ling barrage comes and this time I have only a few marines but fortunatley I have around 6 bats which fry the silly lings.
I move into the terran base to find he is trying to escape with his CC to some safe island expansion. (I guess he is unfamilar with the map) I focus stimmed fire on the CC and it dies. I leave 2 marines to mop up and send my army of medics bats and marines to the zerg.
At home I have been powering the svcs and rax and have 6 rax pumping forces to a rally choke point.
Unfortuntely the zerg has wisely chosen to make lurkers. In my rage to destroy I Unwisely decide to attack about 4 of them and manage to kill 2 before losing everything but 2 medics.
I construct a turret at my rally point and begin production of tanks.
Realizing I have not been able to spend all my minerals I also choose to expand twice.
The End Of The Lamerz
I advance on the zerg base and begin to siege it. He sends a wave of zergling hydra into my 1/1 infantry and a mass of zerg blood is spread on the land. The Lamer says "Wow you're good" Unfortunately I couldnt think of anything wittty to say so my reply is... "Ya and you're not"
One last desperate attempt on my base is a Lurker drop. I will admit I was unprepared for it and he killed about 4 scvs that were too slow. A couple irradiates later the scvs could return to their business.
Undramatically the game comes to an end when I kill a flying E-Bay. The funny thing was he actually asked me to ALLY him! I say "You MUST be kidding" and he replys "No PLEASE ally me you'll get the win anyways." I tell him to shove it up his sorry ass and tell him to
"NEVER MESS WITH ME YOU STUPID BITCH!!!"
Lessons Learned
1. People are people are people and many people have no honor escpecially in random bnet games.
2. If you're gonna backstab and gang up on someone you better make sure you kill him.
3. SCVS can really smoke drones and probes with a little bit of micro.
4. Wall ins are a key element and all smart player will learn to build their bases wisely.
5. Take screen shots of your games because you never know when you may want to write a BR and those with screen shots get higher ratings.
6. Click on the ad banners because if you do Johnny Vegas gets like 1/30 of a cent and damnit every penny counts! (Also this may contribute to a higher rating through the universal system known as "karma")
7. DONT MESS WITH WHOOP |
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