"LoL, i hate to break it to ya, but i'm not a nerd :P"
-WarLeaderJustin
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| Big GAY Hunters: must read tv! | | | Author: | | | IP: | XXXX | | Date: | 11/17/99 07:11 | | Game Type: | Starcraft | | Labels: | none | | Report Rating: , # of Ratings: 2, Max: 7, Min: 6
Lifetime Rating for Macdonough: 7.6111 |   |
Big Gay Hunters: Macdonough
There are a few pics in this one; but let them load because I make reference to them.
I am writing this battle report to prove once again that
Big Game Hunters is the
GAYEST Map Ever
...and to vent my frustration.
Enjoy!
So a couple nights ago I was sitting at my desk doing Calculus (evil stuff there) and the clock struck 10:00.
Dum, dum, DUM....j/k
My friend and I had agreed to play some 2on2's that night at 10 and the time had come. But something worried me. My friend was biggest newbie you've ever seen. I was only playing with him to be a pal and to help him learn. At first I didn't think it would be so bad, but then I remembered...newbies always play on BGH and $$$Mega Blood Bath$$$ something or other...they are dependent on them. My dread of playing on one of these maps made me want to continue with my homework! Sad isn't it?
So anyway, I made a game called "2vs2 newbies!!" on BGH like my friend asked. Because I think smurfing newbies is something only pussies do, I intended to just sit back and let my friend do all the work, helping him only when he needed it. Two guys came into the game, one an obvious newbie and the other suspisiously yet inconspicuously not. I didn't care. Everyone picked Protoss; so I picked Zerg and the game began.
I got the top right, diagonally across from my friend; Orange (the obvious newbie) got mid-left, and Blue got mid-right. I started with a 2-hatch build and then just sunkened myself in and pumped drones. I told my friend to just make a bunch of zealots. But seeing how he only had one gate, 8 probes going, and the fact that I was too lazy to give him a lecture on production efficiency, I augmented his defenses with some zerglings.
Bored out of my mind, I scouted blue and orange.
"Cannon whores!" I shouted.
Those frilly little pansies put up cannons so they could feel at home with their blankies. This fact alone made me so mad I dropped a few dozen 3/3 hydras in Orange's peon line. 'Sorry judge, I didn't mean to do it...it was done in the "heat of passion." ' Orange quit when I razed his Nexus.
Blue only replied to my attack with a very profound, "Damn."
'That's right buddy, you want some of me?'
I send in all the leftover hydras (about 40) in a line-dance directly to blue's base, thinking I can just plow through his cannons. I tell my friend to attack at the same time. Well, we got torn up baaaaaaaaaaad. It was not because of my Hydras attacking single-file either. It was because of blue's Reavers, Temps, Carriers, and Arbiters. (ack!)
'Alright, looks like it's time to teach this smurfer a lesson he won't forget.'
I bust out with 3 Spires (2 for simultaneous upgrades and 1 for a Greater Spire) and tech to Hive. My friend finally starts making Dragoons...heh. Once a Spire pops up I begin pumping Mutas like mad. I almost lost the first dozen due to cannon fire. Don't ask why--it's embarrassing. So I mutated those into Guardians because when you morph injured mutas into guards they heal (if u didn't know). With those guardians I started pounding the cannons lining blue's north edge. In came blue's carriers as expected. My mutas didn't work too well fighting over 20 cannons, but they provided cover for my Scourge to attack, which forced blue to retreat.
Now that my force was decimated I didn't pursue destroying the rest of him. Instead I took advantage of the gaping hole in blue's cannons and sent in 8 groups of 6 scourge to kill every Carrier and Arbiter he had.
After that I said "Make as many carriers as you want, but they all gonna die."
Blue just said "Ok, thanks for the tip."
Now I had this queasy feeling in my gut. 'What does this guy have up his sleeve?' I realized the only thing he could hurt me with is a load of Templar. Then I came to my senses: 'This guy doesn't have something up his sleeve; he has something up his but! I'm gonna rip this bastard a new one!'
After my little pep-talk I put up 2 more Hatcheries and a Defiler mound. A few minutes later there are over 50 Hydras knocking on blue's front door under a BIG orange cloud. 'Aww crap blue has temps' Countless psi-storms erupt over my precious...ugly little aliens, slaughtering them all. I then watch with an expressionless face as my friend's reinforcements try to run through blue's base and get massacred one by one. "Hit 'a' first then click his base." 'Grrr, long game'
Extreme circumstances call for extreme measures: Ultralisks! 'yea baby!' I thought I would never use ultras in a real game, but wait...this isn't a real game and we're on BGH. Rock on! hehehe
Meanwhile blue rapes my friend's main with a fleet of scouts. Hahaha. I manage to kill them all with scourge, but my friend is pretty much out of the game now.
During that time, I send drones to the center of the map and build three Hatcheries nude. I would have made more, but again I was too lazy to keep up with them all.
"click s u, click s u, click s u, click s u, click s u, click s f" = 15 Ultras and 3 defilers. muhahaha. Next I make several dozen cracklings and supplement my attack force with a few dozen hydras.
Time to party. The Zerg swarm lives up to its name in the next battle. Here is the beginning of my assualt:
With the aid of 3 of my friend's leftover carriers, blue's base was nothing but a heap of rubble in a matter of seconds.
"gg"
"gg"
'What? No "blahblah was eliminated?" Oh yea...no wonder my scout in the bottom right has been dead for a while.'
Alright...so I max my pop limit with more Ultras and then *Poof* *Poof* *Poof*, Dark Swarm goes up and blue's second base goes down. hehehe
And to my surprise, but what do I see? 8 tiny reind...i mean...pylons, spread all over the map.
"GAY"
"0004000 was eliminated"
Lessons Known
Reason #437 why BGH sucks:
I should have to expand. I would have killed blue in my normal 12 minutes if it weren't for all of the minerals.
Reason #264 why BGH sucks:
A game shouldn't last longer than 20 minutes when one guy is 5 times better than his opponent.
Victories on BGH give me no excitement.
Lessons Learned
I hate BGH more that I thought I did. Slamming it makes me feel good. = )
Comments
I hope you enjoyed the report. It wasn't the best of my work, but the game wasn't that important to me. It was the message behind it that counts. Please comment on anything you saw that you liked/disliked, etc.
*This battle report is dedicated to all the fans of nohunters and those who value true strategy.*
--Macdonough
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