"You know it's not an authentice Rubber Ducky report/comment if there aren't broken images"
-Persian-POW
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| J00 g0++4 wuv dem 1urx0r$!!! (or how to shut up ghost~lizard) | | | Author: | | | IP: | XXXX | | Date: | 09/19/99 09:09 | | Game Type: | Starcraft | | Labels: | none | | Report Rating: , # of Ratings: 6, Max: 9, Min: 6
Lifetime Rating for Pitt: 5.1579 |     |
To Whoop,
BroodWar's greatest whore, whom
has inspired me with the sluttiest
of builds and tactics.
Announcer: We here at whore's Local 666-69 would like to treat you to the following play, "j00 g0++4 wuv dem 1Urx0r$!" If you would kindly turn to page three of your program you be rewarded with the cast Bio's.
Program: "U gotta love them lurkers." Page 3
Cast Bio's.
The part of the confused yet battle-hardened terran General is played by the energetic and charming Ghost~Lizard. Ghost is accredited with many fine achievements such as "Me vs a 1500 protoss," the applauded "Back and kickin' ass(FINAL EDITION)," "Me vs King-Lewis w/SCREENSHOTS!," the oh so wonderful "Me vs
a5-ssibangse, yup the ladder tourney guy!" and finally "U gotta love them lurkers," on which this play is loosely based.
Playing the part of the slimy, sordid zerg cerebrate is
-Pitt-. Pitt has served as a regular on the real-life drama, "Drunken BR: A lushes story." Tragicly the series only made it into its second episode while, "Drunken BR: this time with more sense!" has developed a queer sort of cult status among the public. Pitt's other accomplishments include starring in several zerg classics as such as "Pitt Battles Vegas!", and the delightful "A BR and nude teens!"
Announcer: Now ladies and gentlemen if I may turn your attention to the center stage, I present "j00 g0++4 wuv dem 1urx0r$!"
(Clap cheer applause clap cheer)
The curtain slowly rises as an overwhelming gastriointestinal-like sound pierces the ear-drums of the crowd. A huge bloated beast soars high above the crowd torward the stage. Odd insect noises fill the air. The creature floats to center stage at which point it adresses the audience.
Overlord: Sure, tis grand to be a bloated hovering turd, in command of millions of unintelligent, barking, and blathering beasts. However, there are times when I look into the reflecting pool and I see someone else... Someone else THAT I COUULLLDDD HHHAAVVEEE BEEENNN. Yes sir, I do indeed.
I do indeed see the occuppation for which I bleed!! And it is..... A LUMBERJACK! Now a being a lumberjack is a delightful thing, and as a lumberjack I would SSSIIINNNGGG!!!!!!!!!
Overlord:
I'm a lumberjack, and I'm okay.
I sleep all night and I work all day.
Peons:
He's a lumberjack, and he's okay.
He sleeps all night and he works all day.
Overlord:
I cut down trees. I eat my lunch.
I run to the lavatory!
On Wednesdays I go a'buildin'
Making urinals in which to pee!
Peons:
He cuts down trees. He eats his lunch.
He runs to the lavatory!
On Wednesdays he goes a'buildin'
Making urinals in which to pee!
Chorus:
He's a lumberjack, and he's okay.
He sleeps all night and he works all day.
BARBER:
I cut down trees. I skip and jump.
I like to press wild flowers.
I put on women's clothing
And hang around in ba #)(#*$)*$#
-Pitt-: WHAT IN THE DEVIL IS GOING ON HERE! YOU FOOL! I TOLD YOU TO SCOUT OUT THE SOUTHERN PLATEAU FOR THE ENEMY TERRAN COMMANDER! HE'S NOT THERE SO MOVE ON YOU MORON! STOP DAYDREAMING ABOUT CROSSDRESSING OR YOU'LL FIND YOURSELF HOVERING OVER A SEPTIC TANK FOR THE NEXT THREE MOONS!
At this point the overlord lets out a powerful fart (the zerg equivalent to a dissapointed sigh) and moves onto his next scouting waypoint. The Eastern resource plateau.
Back at the zerg hive cluster. The zerg commander is quickly arranging the construction of his base. -Pitt- is not on this planet fighting for minerals, for the overmind, kerrigan or any of that other bull shit. He is here to fight a duel. The terran commander has insulted his family of lurkers and he is here to defend their honor.
-Pitt- has already constructed his zergling spawning pool using his ninth drone to morph and form the structure. Following this he orders the mutation of a drone, an overlord, an extractor, another drone and ultimately six zerglings. Once the extractor is complete three drones don their helmet mounted flashlights and pick axes and commence mining vespene gas. The six brave zerglings are ordered to scout out the eastern starting position whilst the newly produced overlord is already headed to the northern starting position.
As the zerglings leave the hive cluster they encounter a human in a space construction vehicle!
SCV: Back you beasts! I just mean to take some photos of your base for my wife! She's always! OWWW STOP THAT! THAT HURTS! DAMN IT! OWWW
After reducing the scv to 10 hitpoints the zerglings realize that they are not supposed to be bothering with this scv, but actually scouting out the map.
Moments later a drone engages the tourist and further reduces his HP! The SCV runs for cover and makes it out of the hive cluster with his life. The video feed from this encounter is immediately patched through to commander Ghost~Lizard.
Meanwhile off at the terran Command Center.
Ghost~Lizard: My God. He's already got his lair and Hydralisk Den morphing. Boys after the inevitable 6 zerglings hit I want you to beat feat over to that zerg hive cluster and slow the inevitable push of those lurkers.
At that moment the six zerglings run straight into the terran base and are ordered to engage the enemy. Running past the double raxes and mineral line/Supply depot wall-in the zerglings discover a refinery being constructed. The SCV working on the building is quickly dispatched. Three of his bretheren soon follow him to the scrap heap.
Ghost~Lizard: Curses BACK TO WORK! HURRY THE REAL ATTACK IS SOON TO COME DO NOT LET THEM BREAK THROUGH OUR CHOKED OFF FRONT LINE!!! You six hurry you must reach the zerg hive in time. Maybe you can put a hurting on that hive cluster before the enemy lurkers are morphed.
At this time Ghost~lizard dispatches his primary squad of marines to -Pitt-'s base and begins construction of a bunker and an EGBAY.
-Pitt-'s overlord is now hovering above Ghost's natural, however, and sees the 6 marines moving out. He chuckles to himself -- they'll never make it to him in time.
He constructs a creep colony JUST in case. And moves his hydralisks to his ramp. Just as the marines arrive at the choke -Pitt- morph's his hydralisks into Lurkers. The large eggs, coupled with their large HP, manage to form a blockade and keep the terran marines from entering the hive cluster.
Ghost~Lizard's marines are indifferent and open fire on the eggs. Causing virtually no damage to the lurkers inside the eggs, the marines are soon dispatched by the newly morphed lurkers. After burrowing, the lurkers slaughter all but one marine. The focused fire of the marines does severely wound one lurker but not so much that he will be ineffective. The three lurkers rush to the terran choke.
The far side overlord sees that the terrans have completed a bunker atop their ramp and that it must be full as several marines stand aside it. An SCV scuttles up next to the bunker and starts to construct a TURRET!
-Pitt-: Damn it faster you beasts! You must arrive in time to break through that front line! Kerrigan and I have a date in 5 minutes and I want this done quickly!
The lurkers rush up to the choke in buddy teams. The first burrows. The next rushes up a bit further in range of the bunker and burrows. The third sprints up even a bit further and burrows. Finally under the covering fire of his two bretheren the first lurker unburrows and climbs even higher up the terran choke.
The lurkers begin engaging the SCV constructing the turret but alas it finishes! This may force the zerg to retreat and contain the terran nemesis. Only the strong will of their cerebrate keeps the lurkers at bay! The turret is continually assaulted as another lurker leaves
-Pitt-'s base and followed by a drone. The drone begins morphing a hive at -Pitt-'s natural.
Back at Ghost's choke the turret is razed in a fiery ball of chaos. All the marines outside the bunker are murdered and the lurkers begin to buddy rush into the terran encampment. The first rushes all the way to the terran mineral lines burrows and takes out several scv's and a couple of marines. The lurker lets out a horrible growl as it notices that a comsat station has just been completed. This lurker is reduced to blood geyser in moments. The three lurkers back at Ghost's choke continue to assail the bunker there while 1 by 1 they rush into the base.
Finally one lurker makes it all the way to a position right behind the mineral lines of Ghost~Lizard. Ghost with no comsat left senses defeat and calls for the end of the duel.
-Pitt- rejoices and psionically contacts Kerrigan to tell her that he will arrive shortly and the will be taking her doggy style in the back of his Overlord Transport in no time. The lurkers mourn the loss of the two lurkers and the six zerglings but then laugh at the many dead and wounded terrans because each terran is an individual while any member of the swarm can be replicated at any time!
MUA HAHAHAHAH LONG LIVE THE SWARM!
FIN
The curtain falls and the wasted body of marines and scv's. Skulls are crushed beneath the feet of the Lurker chorus line that follows the play!
Long live Lurkers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
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