| #1 Decay[163906] |
| 250-56.69-92-cpe.cableone.net |
1st
|
| #2 Decay[163907] |
| 250-56.69-92-cpe.cableone.net |
| 2nd |
| #3 Decay[163908] |
| 250-56.69-92-cpe.cableone.net |
| 3rd |
| #4 mattzarella[163909] |
| 96.5.33.65.cfl.res.rr.com |
| youre a dick |
| #5 Decay[163910] |
| 250-56.69-92-cpe.cableone.net |
I still don't kill anything. =[
However, despite this glaring error, this is still wonderfully done. Also, it's not approved yet, so I am reading it by magic. The rest of you mortals will just have to wait. |
| #6 Decay[163911] |
| 250-56.69-92-cpe.cableone.net |
| that was uncalled for matt. =[ |
| #7 micro[163912] |
| ACA3181F.ipt.aol.com |
you see, in Thomas' day the standards for political office were a lot higher. now, if you bother to murder your opposition behind closed doors you have a shot at just about anything
|
| #8 micro[163913] |
| ACA3181F.ipt.aol.com |
| also, decay, ur a dick dood |
| #9 micro[163914] |
| ACA3181F.ipt.aol.com |
| oh yeah, great report. i can't wait until we see what happens in the next part ;D |
| #10 Decay[163915] |
| 250-56.69-92-cpe.cableone.net |
| that was uncalled for micro. =[ |
| #11 Decay[163916] |
| 250-56.69-92-cpe.cableone.net |
| 11th |
| #12 Lithium[163917] |
| 24-50-187-34.pittpa.adelphia.net |
| You know what, solid piece of writing here. I say easily best piece of "fan fiction" I've ever read, as I've never read Praetor's stuff, and generally shun fan fiction anyway. Regardless, good solid stuff. |
| #13 Psyonic_Reaver[163919] |
| 67-59-78-62.generic.webformix.com |
| GLEE!!!! Thanks Mattz! I loved this 2nd part! Maybe it's because I'm such a huge FF fan but I've never read an FF like fanfic before. Keep it coming! By the way I was surprised that I was included in the special thanks section! Much |
| #14 mattzarella[163921] |
| 96.5.33.65.cfl.res.rr.com |
| appears that i made a boo boo, the Post Comment link in my report directs you to report 6241 but this is actually report 6243 for some strange inexplicable reason. i'll fix that now, just thought it was strange |
| #15 NewbEye[163922] |
| dp-216-106-106-200.storm.ca |
| Gee, I wish I had time to read this now. As I don't, I'll just inanely increment your comment counter :( |
| #16 Lithium[163923] |
| 24-50-187-34.pittpa.adelphia.net |
| Also, can't wait to read the next one. |
| #17 PeaceableGhost[163924] |
| adsl-75-7-128-10.dsl.sfldmi.sbcglobal.net |
| Yes, matt, I noticed that. Liked the report. Liked Dick's song. ;-) 8.5 |
| #18 micro[163928] |
| cache-rtc-ab01.proxy.aol.com |
| that quote is taken entirely out of context, mattz x_t |
| #19 Decay[163929] |
| 250-56.69-92-cpe.cableone.net |
| 19th |
| #20 Decay[163930] |
| 250-56.69-92-cpe.cableone.net |
| 20th |
| #21 Lithium[163931] |
| 24-50-187-34.pittpa.adelphia.net |
| Dicky, calm yo bed. |
| #22 Timid[163941] |
| cpe-72-129-117-177.socal.res.rr.com |
This was a very good read.
Much better than #1
Look forward to 3 |
| #23 Me, the reader[163945] |
| 85.83.21.12 |
Great writing, looking forward to reading some more.
Aren't there any moogles or someone named Cid, seeing as these are typical elements in any FF? |
| #24 mattzarella[163946] |
| 96.5.33.65.cfl.res.rr.com |
there's definitely a Cid in FFT, he comes along later... as far as the moogles go, they're the lowest level summon (just cures HP i think). i'm not sure if they make an appearance anywhere else in the game, but that's all i remember.
thanks for reading, everyone |
#25  [164043] |
| user-0ce2kp9.cable.mindspring.com |
Drugs are bad, m'kay?
Good show. The protagonistic shifting worked better in this I felt. Keep that up. I guess you will, since it's you and you're one of the better writers on this site right now. I guess that's not too hard seeing as there's three people writing reports, but it's all good. You still rock my world.
I'm not sure if it's because I'm really tired when I read your reports, but I always have to crank up the font size. If no one else has this problem ignore me and I'll start reading them in the afternoon and/or with a coffee buzz.
The random rollover seemed like a novelty thing, it didn't add anything and I wouldn't have realized it was there. Beyond a lack of killing stuff to punctuate the story stuff, I can't think of anything else wrong with this.
Dickie needs to kill someone in the next installment. 8. |
| #26 Psyonic_Reaver[164044] |
| mail.seventhmountain.com |
| Don't say that! It might be me! |
| #27 Convider[164046] |
| toronto-HSE-ppp4110710.sympatico.ca |
| Nice story :) |
#28  [164047] |
| ip68-225-202-104.ph.ph.cox.net |
erm
i haven't read enough of this to give a fair grade (interrupted, will finish later tonight) but from what i've seen this installment isn't as good as your previous. there's just too much description, and far too much pointless description. in the beginning, you spent soooo much time describing the mood of the scene and so little time actually describing the scene itself. once you got into describing the scene it was nice, but you still had a lot of redundant or pointless lines.
for instance: "He does not slow for the box, and he will certainly not slow for his pursuers.", well you just got finished describing his agility and speed and how nimble he was leaping the box, so stating he isn't slowing down for the box is redundant, and it's pretty obvious he isn't going to slow down for his pursuers so mentioning that is like saying if the pursuers catch him and hit him with their swords a few times it'll hurt. its a pointless line and really hinders the pace of the story. same for the occasional parenthetical statements where you sort of contradict what you just said, and moments where you try to emphasize something by restating it.
i'll read the rest tonight and rate it, until then kisses :] |
| #29 mattzarella[164052] |
| 96.5.33.65.cfl.res.rr.com |
i've always leaned to the side of too much detail. unfortunately, when i read over it, it's exactly how i think of describing it in my head (because i wrote it :P) so i find it extremely hard to edit or remove entire sentences unless they are far too long or are simply bad reads.
if the mood description is the only major problem that stands out as particularly obtrusive and redundant, i can change that. it's just in my nature to relate everything that i possibly can to the reader, and after that it's a hit or miss if they enjoy it or not.
thanks for your comment and i would appreciate it if you could hit me up on AIM (hiiamsmall) after or while you read the rest. |
| #30 [164059] |
| 83.72.192.168.ip.tele2adsl.dk |
Me like. Me like a lot.
Sexy rollover indeed.
Enjoy reading these a lot, so hopefully you'll keep it going. |
| #31 ZerG~LinG[164060] |
| 83.72.192.168.ip.tele2adsl.dk |
| And that was me. Rater tag not working T_T |
| #32 [164062] |
| ip68-225-202-104.ph.ph.cox.net |
the story really picked up where i left it and the pacing felt much much better. the only criticisms i have of it are what we've already discussed on aim.
concur with the 8's |
| #33 NewbEye[164068] |
| dp-216-106-106-182.storm.ca |
Finally had a half hour to spare. I must say, it was a nice way to spend my time. It was definitely more introspective than your first edition, and that's a good way to get to know the stars of the show.
A couple of minor problems I noticed...
You could go for another draft. There were a couple of spots where you switched tenses, and made silly typoes ("make due" -> "make do"), but the errors were small enough and infrequent enough that it didn't spoil my overall enjoyment of a very nice report. While some of the parenthetical comments added humour, a number served no useful purpose and broke up the flow of the text. And you're missing section 2 of chapter 1 =^o
Not sure how I feel about the script-style dialogue. I think it'd be more true to the storytelling form if you embedded the talk into paragraphs. But perhaps there's a particular reason you're doing things this way.
I actually liked the descriptive writing (but then, I'm wordy as heck, so I may be biased) in the "prologue"; it helped to immerse me into the FFT universe. Though the prologue was unrelated to the rest of the report, you can be trusted to make all things clear in time. Also, nice text shadowing effect on the chapter heading pics.
Looking forward to the next instalment, and how you'll weave the story threads together. Random thought: drug mules usually hide their cargoes in their anal cavities.
It's a pity the lurkers aren't showing this report a little more love. Your series is shaping up to be a nice read for those of us who don't have the time or inclination to play through FFT. I hope the site doesn't implode before you can finish this project :(
|
| #34 micro[164109] |
| cache-mtc-ab01.proxy.aol.com |
im just making sure this report gets more comments than psy's
|
| #35 BeRzErKeR[164117] |
| adsl-66-72-38-30.dsl.bltnin.ameritech.net |
Wheee! The only FF game I've played is FF3, but this report still rocks. 8.
In other news, I'm drunk. |
| #36 micro[164123] |
| cache-dtc-ab01.proxy.aol.com |
| is anyone else playing this game since these reports have come out, or is it just me? |
| #37 NewbEye[164126] |
| dp-216-106-106-106.storm.ca |
| It's just you. The cool kids are playing SC. |
| #38 BeatMeSilly[164128] |
| cpe-24-33-19-202.midsouth.res.rr.com |
| A very good read. I personally liked the total immersive details; it definitely helped in etching out the scene and the characters. Third report coming soon hopefully? |
| #39 Psyonic_Reaver[164133] |
| mail.seventhmountain.com |
| Gogo mattz! #3!! |
| #40 Tiger-[164155] |
| dsl-201-153-123-85.prod-infinitum.com.mx |
Nice.
Can't wait until you meet Wiegraff and Miluda. :) |
| #41 Xosha[164167] |
| ip51cf6705.direct-adsl.nl |
| Looking forward to the next instalment. I don't know the game soit reads like a novell to me. |
| #42 Timid[164262] |
| 65-112-154-226.dia.static.qwest.net |
| #3 also awesome, I'm not sure why the link takes me to report #2's comments |
| #43 LoZeR-X[164877] |
| 144.92.96.40 |
| Protip: Cure 2 heals more HP then cure. Learn it quickly so you can keep your forces running! |
| #44 WhalePorn[164878] |
| 144.92.96.40 |
| Also: Decay is a dick :3 |
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