| #1 maareek[151840] |
| mblt-ac027.gtcom.net |
| oooooh, new report...cool! Non-rater approval. |
| #2 tempus007[151841] |
| nr26-66-42-150-85.fuse.net |
I've had the idea for this story for a long time. I intend to develop over some time, which given the way I tend to do things will mean short, intense bursts of several reports covering the story, resting for a while, doing a game report or two, then getting back to work.
I don't intend for this story to be science fiction but science fiction literature. It will be thematic, it will be subject to literary criticism and analysis. And it will be a good, long story if the reception is good.
I'll still be doing game reports of Homeworld and America's Army (if I can get it to work) as well. But for now, happy reading. As always, constructive criticism is appreciated.
|
#3  [151843] |
| 67.176.104.160 |
| Fear my ninja-fast unlocking skills! |
| #4 Shuriken[151845] |
| ool-182e1a3b.dyn.optonline.net |
didnt read
but for sum reason i think it will be good
7.5 |
| #5 [151848] |
| 67.176.104.160 |
I read the first paragraph, then the second paragraph, and before I know it the story is done. You, sir, are a natural writer. I have nothing but good words to say for this, so I'll spare most of them until some less fatigued mind can properly articulate them.
Wow man, wow. By far the best fiction I've read here [sorry Prae, yours counts as a BR].
My only gripe was some of the dialogue seemed to be peppered with explanations that made it unrealistic. Like saying how the mail was sent in the letter to Jenny. I mean it's a clever way to show it, but it made it appear rather 'fake'. You know what I mean! ;)
I can't say enough good things about this. Find a publisher and create a cult. Hell, I don't fetish sci-fi and I'm wanting more. Why did I cancel my EVE subscription again?!? I NEED MY FIX!!!
9.27777~
|
| #6 [151849] |
| 67.176.104.160 |
You, sir, have better comma placement than me too.
I will now make one grammar mistake for every comment I make, ever. ;) |
| #7 .Praetor[151850] |
| c-67-172-163-127.client.comcast.net |
| Hmm. Well I guess I didn't need to unlock it. Carry on. (Looked good, not going to read right now.) |
| #8 zeon[151852] |
| CPE00a065cb0ceb-CM014100005949.cpe.net.cable.rogers.com |
| yah, i was in the middle of writing my own fiction... don't feel motivated to continue anymore. :( |
| #9 Raider[151854] |
| pcp02066469pcs.11thav01.fl.comcast.net |
| Not a bad piece. You must have read some Peter Hamilton books. |
| #10 TwistedNecro[151855] |
| lsanca1-ar54-4-3-202-139.lsanca1.dsl-verizon.net |
| Argh, it's too long for me because I'm soo sleepy... d;-O I'll check it out later. |
| #11 OverTheUnder[151857] |
| 12-216-178-164.client.mchsi.com |
| I am glad with all theese gold reports on unique games and such....but i really do miss the SC ones:O GOGO REPORTERS...now is your time to shine!!! Next SC BR OUT GETS AN AUTOMATIC 10 FROM ME...which means nothing...but STILL....just think about the fame and the womenO_O |
| #12 BlueRibbon[151859] |
| bgm-66-24-104-37.stny.rr.com |
Look you communists, stop saying "its too long I'll read it later", "I'm tired...." "maybe later, looks good." Also don't offer ratings on how it looked. This was fantastic and it kept me awake an extra half hour to read it. (until 3 AM) If you do come back to it, you'll be sorry you waited to read it.
Ingenius. Fantastic. I started reading, and kept right on reading which is shocking for me. On a lot of fanfics I usually get bored and skip paragraphs to end my suffering. But not this, son. I was actually excited at battle sequences. I also really enjoyed when Peter went old fashioned and pulled out the Colt 1911. Only mistake that really was clearly visible was a lone "Left" before you began describing the Bastonge. Which was just code without a >. Next time use Fileread and that would be easy to fix. I loved your descriptions of action, and also your use of common sense that a lot of authors forget when writing, i.e. "They may have been wounded, but four legs were still faster than two." I insist on no breaks to do game reports, but rather the continuation of the series. I will await your next chapter as much as I await SupeRc0pKr's next WWII fanfiction.
10.
And no "I hate fanfiction" crap either or I'll burn down cardboard boxes, you bums! |
| #13 Dibbler[151861] |
| 194.151.4.99 |
| Continue this story. I can imagine this is as a proof chapter for the highly anticipated Tempus book. |
| #14 Raider[151862] |
| pcp02066469pcs.11thav01.fl.comcast.net |
Ok, just read it again and will post a more detailed comment. The first time I did not think much of it, but since everyone else that commented sounded very positive, I decided to give it another go.
Problem is, I cannot find anything in this story (unless I am very much mistake this IS a fanfic) that holds my interest. This is a very generic story where there is disorder due to an external influence by bad guys, and then there is this one guy who tries to finds his way in the middle of it all. Basically, what I am saying is that the plot was not engaging or interesting and as I read, I skipped over lines and paragraphs (especially in case of dialogue) because I could not make myself read the entire thing. So, though this might sound a bit harsh, I did not like it because it was an unteresting plot laid out in a boring manner.
Your language was good though, so that's a plus. |
| #15 spoo[151874] |
| ool-43532f76.dyn.optonline.net |
huge sentence
Peter was in the smoky bar of a space station orbiting the sixth planet of a star system inside the “free space” of small, independent governments set up by the Praedon Empire after the Third War, spanning about five thousand light-years towards the Galactic Center and sharing a border with the Principality of Earth and a larger one with the Free Republic of Alandi, which had once been an ally of Earth before the forced breakup after the Third War. |
| #16 PeaceableGhost[151881] |
| adsl-68-73-192-53.dsl.sfldmi.ameritech.net |
Hmm. I can't read just any fiction any more... and as this looked goodish,b ut not good enough to read all the way through (sorry), I say 7.
Oh and spoo, huge sentences are good. |
#17  [151903] |
| wc01.wlfdle.rnc.net.cable.rogers.com |
Nice story, and certainly worthy of gold in my book. However, there's a couple things I'd advise watching out for. First, shorten your paragraphs - they're very long and wordy, and sometimes include a couple run-on sentences. Also, you do a couple things like call WW2 the "greatest" war ( and no war is great, obviously ), which turned me off as a reader. In addition, the story certainly started with a feel to me that wasn't original enough to get a 9 or so.
I would say 8. Great job! |
| #18 [151904] |
| 67.176.104.160 |
great ( P ) Pronunciagreat ( P ) Pronunciation Key (grt)
adj. great·er, great·est
1. Very large in size.
2. Larger in size than others of the same kind.
3. Large in quantity or number: A great throng awaited us. See Synonyms at large.
4. Extensive in time or distance: a great delay.
5. Remarkable or outstanding in magnitude, degree, or extent: a great crisis.
6. Of outstanding significance or importance: a great work of art.
7. Chief or principal: the great house on the estate.
8. Superior in quality or character; noble: “For he was great, ere fortune made him so” (John Dryden).
9. Powerful; influential: one of the great nations of the West.
10. Eminent; distinguished: a great leader.
11. Grand; aristocratic.
12. Informal. Enthusiastic: a great lover of music.
13. Informal. Very skillful: great at algebra.
14. Informal. Very good; first-rate: We had a great time at the dance.
15. Being one generation removed from the relative specified. Often used in combination: a great-granddaughter.
16. Archaic. Pregnant.
tion Key (grt) |
| #19 notsoskinnyguy[151908] |
| cache-rf01.proxy.aol.com |
| Hey that was pretty cool, and keep up the good work. Really enjoyed the descriptions of the battle scenes but I have not figured how four legs run faster than two...... Great story keep them coming!!! |
| #20 [151909] |
| wc01.wlfdle.rnc.net.cable.rogers.com |
Lucky, to clarify:
the word "great" is dubious. To me it's connected with "good" or spectacular or such things, and so not really suitable when describing a war which kill 62 million people. Hence, a word like "bloodiest" war in history would have been more suitable. |
| #21 tempus007[151911] |
| ip-216-196-216-33.zif.fuse.net |
| I'm sorry Dagomar, and I certainly didn't mean to offend. I meant "great" in terms of scale and not in terms of whether something is a good or an evil. All wars are terrible things, and waging a war should only be as a last resort when it is certain that a more terrible evil will be forestalled by fighting it (there, I was going to use "greater" there, too. Force of habit, I guess.) If I ever get the opportunity to revise this, I'm going to change the adjective. |
#22  [151936] |
| usrns80.dialup.hawaii.edu |
Looks good but it could've used more plot development for me. The basic plot was ships and crew going to go in a convoy but attacked by pirates. The backstory read well but it was just... backstory.
The writing itself was good and I could picture it happening but as Dag said it didn't feel unique enough to rate a 9.
I'd say 7-8 range and go 8. |
| #23 [151959] |
| 67.176.104.160 |
| I thought "great" meant pregnant. I was wondering why but kinda let it slide... |
| #24 BlueRibbon[151966] |
| bgm-66-24-104-37.stny.rr.com |
| "The Most Unnecessary Pregnant War Ever." |
| #25 Year-Counter[152033] |
| bbcache-8.singnet.com.sg |
"Today was the first of September, 4739, the two thousand five hundredth anniversary of the invasion of Poland."
Wtf get your years right man |
| #26 .Praetor[152103] |
| c-67-172-163-127.client.comcast.net |
| Obviously. The Czech Republic invaded Poland in 2192 AD, everyone knows sthat. |
Home
Forum
Starcraft Tournaments
