| #1 Shuriken[151123] |
| ool-182e1a3b.dyn.optonline.net |
hope u guys enjoy
think this is my best one yet :) |
| #2 Some_God[151124] |
| ool-18b8c5a0.dyn.optonline.net |
| 1st :) |
| #3 PeaceableGhost[151125] |
| adsl-68-251-225-243.dsl.sfldmi.ameritech.net |
| 3rd |
| #4 Crazster[151126] |
| n219077188060.netvigator.com |
| 4th |
#5  [151128] |
| 128.171.66.20 |
This was a pretty good report and I can tell you put some time into it. The pictures were nice and had some useful information but your text could've used more work I think.
Bad news in the tense department. You pretty much immediately began switching back and forth between present and past tenses. If you have problems with it, just write everything in past tense terms. After all the game happened in the past so its appropriate.
Text problems:
1. Tense problems as said above.
2. Several homonym errors in the report, minor really to the report but there. Faired/fared and complimentary/complementary were examples. For "complimentary/complementary" it seemed unlikely that Visualiza got free photon cannons with his expansion. =)
3. Too much embellishment/overly descriptive writing I think. With so many things getting emphasized it was hard to discern points of importance. Try to limit them to important units/events.
4. More paragraphs needed. You packed a lot of info into your writing and it could've been spread out more for easier understanding/reading.
Some picture notes:
1. I noticed this immediately, your pictures are BIG (kb-wise) for their size. If you read my name you might figure out that I do have some connection difficulties so large pictures could be made smaller (How ironic that I say this, after all I make big pictures).
2. The pictures are washed out somewhat (for me at least and I have an old, dull monitor).
3. You kept changing the types of borders for your pictures. Keeping to a constant format or a following trends if changing feels more natural to me.
4. You were rubbing up against the line of "too much clutter" in a few of the pics. (Another ironic thing for me to say.)
***Spoilers below***
As I was reading though I had some thoughts about the game. Why didn't X-Con rush after finding the expanding Protoss? Why not some Corsairs for D-webbing the Terran defences? Why did Visualiza send his(?) Carriers to save a low importance expansion when the Carriers impact could've been more valuable somewhere else? Of course I don't know if these were necessarily true since I didn't see the replay but it could help if you could've covered these (or something like them) with quickly explanations or suggestions.
The game outcome seemed evident to me after the loss of the 4 carriers. The Protoss couldn't swing Carriers and a Protoss ground army felt unlikely to penetrate the Terran defences (you did praise them up during mid-game). Maybe this wasn't true but you needed to explain better.
***End Spoilers***
So in summary, the text could use some work, pictures were pretty good, the game itself felt lacking. I felt that this report was about a 7.5-8 really. The first map picture made me smile since it looks like the Zealot and the Marine are holding hands (I'm easily amused apparently) so I'll give this an 8.
Random stuff (unimportant really):
1. Generally when you say "mechs" people (or at least me) think of walkers such as Goliaths rather than tanks and such.
2. If you're going to go as far as capitalizing "goons" you might as well call them dragoons.
3. Your report does suffer a little following several other TvP reports. Maybe should've thought about delaying the release a week. Maybe not.
4. Someone else said something about lenseflare inbadme's report (EE I think). That uhh... (haze?) in your long rectangular pics while not really bad, doesn't seem necessary. |
| #6 [151129] |
| 128.171.66.20 |
| Wow, I didn't realize the post was that long. Being first rater did encourage me to write a lot though. |
#7  [151130] |
| nr11-216-196-189-212.fuse.net |
I will agree with you. This IS your best one yet.
Is it perfect? No.
I will now point out errors and give you constructive critisism:
1.)While your writing has improved a lot, there were a few typos and grammar errors (for example; spelling "prove" as "proove" and misplacing some commas, i.e "Vizualiza was now in possesion of a staggering, 12 gateways" ), a few run-on sentences as well as some, well, rather odd adjectives. He "jettisoned" his scouting attempt? There are others, but I forget and just got up so I can't find them again.
2.) The Flash: Flash is awesome. However, I had three complaints about this particular movie:
a.) The music. It was terrible!
b.) It showed mostly the Terran player winning in it's screenshot section. This hinted at the result of the game.
c.) The concept art. It's very pretty, but after six of them, we've seen enough.
3.) The Game. This was my biggest complaint. The Protoss player was not very good, and the Terran was, making for an unbalanced matchup. It never seemed like Vizualizer was able to DO anything against X-Con, except for his carriers, which he then mismanaged thereafter. While it was a better game than your previous ones, it still wasn't all that good.
Now for the good stuff.
1.) Writing: Like I said, much better. More cogent, flowing, easier to read, and more professional (except for your "i'm high on tictacs" comment) so you get a bonus there.
2.) Images: Pretty! Very good indeed. Showed the battle cleanly and still held eye-pleasing effects. My one complaint was, in the early images, they had no borders to speak of. But that's ok.
3.) Flash: Is still very cool.
So, in closing, what you nedd to work on are cleaning up your writing, finding those odd-sounding sentences and adjectives, proofreading and getting someone else to proofread for you.
And find a lot better of a game.
For now, this is much improved, and thus, I grace you with a 8.5. |
| #8 [151131] |
| nr11-216-196-189-212.fuse.net |
| Holy smokes, WGL, your comment was even longer than mine. |
#9  [151133] |
| 68.79.174.39 |
First off I give this a very solid 9.
The writing was excellent, the game was excellent, the flash was excellent as well as the graphics.
If it had been on a more interesting map or perhaps a new game with this level of effort this could have even received a 10 in my book.
I really liked the frequent mini map diagrams with arrows indicating the flow of the battle. The game itself was very entertaining, and one that deserved a great report like this one.
Great Job!
BTW, this should be a quote definitely: "For X-Con, the duel became as simple (and fun) as throwing rocks at a blind man. " |
| #10 Decay[151135] |
| 66.44.173.16 |
Yes, this is definately your best work so far. Too bad the protoss never wins in these pvts. ;[ I think one more time around on the proofreading would really help you get rid of those sentences that just don't seem to fit correctly, and then you will be well on your way to many great reports.
Yeah, JV, I saw that quote and made a mental bookmark myself. ;) |
| #11 goldrush945[151136] |
| CPE0080ad8222be-CM000a735cb980.cpe.net.cable.rogers.com |
| Dear god... I like the report, don't get me wrong, but seeing those huge blocks of text... Maybe split it up more? |
| #12 PeaceableGhost[151137] |
| adsl-68-250-43-118.dsl.sfldmi.ameritech.net |
Ditto, ditto, ditto.
Things done right:
The game was a good one to br.
The br didn't give too much away.
The pics helped the report, while not being essential to it - ie, the writing was clear enough.
Problems:
Grammar errors, spelling errors, odd turns of phrase - looks like it wasn't proof-read.
All in all, I think it's the 8 you were looking for. |
| #13 detomaso72[151139] |
| firewall.awhc.com |
I think there was some potential to this report. For instance if the carriers had been used to remove the turbo-newbie blocking development of his own natural and then sent on to destroy the upper-left island expansion, this game may have turned out differantly. Yes I realize that is an arm-chair quarter back, hindsight twenty-twenty type comment. But the fact that it was made at all shows the game was described aptly enough and illustrated adequatly enough for the comment on the game to even be made.
I enjoy reading StarCraft battle reports here on my lunch hour and the fact there are people still writing about it bespeaks of the profundity of this game. I was never able to get interested in WCIII like I have the Star Craft games. It is the one game I keep coming back to enjoy even after playing a host of others that only hold my intrest for a short time. I want to thank everyone who goes through the monumental effort of continueing to report on this fascinating game. |
#14  [151140] |
| CPE00080d371d83-CM00080d371c83.cpe.net.cable.rogers.com |
I liked this report; apart for what's already been said I'd just like to caution you about using TOO much of an intro - you have basically three big, blockbuster introductory graphic displays and that sapped, rather than built upon my anticipation for the rest of your work.
I also agree with the content of your flash movie: it was disappointing, generally showing static scenes from StarCraft movies and such ( which aren't all that great anymore ) and scenes of the Terran winning, which kind of gave away the ending.
Anyway, I'm rating a 9. GW. |
#15  [151143] |
| 67.176.104.160 |
I thought fluff like that was what flash was all about ;)
Shuriken, you've improved a lot as a writer. Hard to believe you wrote "The Punishers," and it's also hard to believe you are related to The-Nut.
Biggest improvement was the pictures, no longer random shapes and they actually show the action. Me likey. Writing was consistent, sans the annoying "lurx" lingo, and it's all for the better.
The game was a bit awkward, I was surprised that the protoss could take another main so early without paying for it dearly. I think a two factory vulture rush woulda given him quite the bloody nose. Pick a better one next time!~
Oh yes, and some of the pictures were a bit... bright? What WGL said.
Anyways, 'twas all good.
Have a 9
|
| #16 [151144] |
| 67.176.104.160 |
| P.S, one more report and you can start kicking everyone's butt in rookmark (five ratings are manner). |
#17 
[151149] |
| 129.142.195.30.ip.tele2adsl.dk |
Yessir. Just in time to throw in my rating. I'll try not to repeat the other raters comments.
Liked the minimaps. Big help.
Pictures showed the action well, but were frighteningly bright for some reason - SC screenshots are best with more texture and shadow.
Writing, IMMENSELY better than your other reports (this feels more like a real language).
Only got one complaint: When you write, I don't feel anything in particular, and it didn't really grab my attention. For example:
"This time, his objective was to further contain his opponent by controlling his potential expansion. As the Dropships entered the area, they were met with resistance."
Aha. SO HE TOOK THE NATURAL CLIFF. See where I'm getting at? "his objective was to further contain his opponent by controlling his potential expansion".
It not just there, obviously, but if I would change something, it's all those long, wordy senteces, that explain very basic stuff. I'm all for expressive language and "big words", but this is just taking it too far.
Was thinking about a 7, but game made it an 8. |
| #18 sabotage897[151158] |
| pool-68-161-122-116.ny325.east.verizon.net |
| wow 8.6 ! i'll find some time to read i g2 work on mine :0- |
| #19 Shuriken[151159] |
| ool-182e1a3b.dyn.optonline.net |
omfg this kicksass
thanks for all the comments, especially the raters
its probably hard for u guys to understand, but for me, the one who once called himself LurkerBurger7, getting an 8.6 feels just as good as a 10 :) |
| #20 The-Nut[151160] |
| ool-182e1a3b.dyn.optonline.net |
| my start button~! |
| #21 OverTheUnder[151161] |
| 12-216-178-164.client.mchsi.com |
| Ling likes the TvP raping^^ good report...intro was maybe....3 seconds too long but still good:D I dunno about the rest of you but thoughout most of the game, and especially at the end, if u looked at the minin map it really seemed like toss was gonna win:/ I guess i just felt that with some harassment it woulda gone either way. Anywayz....8...9 cause the T won:P |
| #22 Dampiere[151171] |
| port0086-adsl4.cwjamaica.com |
why yes, i do like seeing toss get raped... but i will admit its maybe a tad overdone... and always with metal too... whatever happened to Heartcutter and Flesh vs Toss? not that I would ever try that shit!
anyways, i enjoyed this, the blind man rocks quote was cool.. i wish i had the replay to compare it to the report tho.. can we have a linking system so we can get the rep and contrast plz? also it would help if we knew what version of SC the replay was from to avoid insanity at downloading the then unplayable rep.
mr Burger sir... er i mean, Shuriken mah boy... well done. look forward to the next one. enjoyed it thoroughly. c ya.
May the Terrans Prosper
D |
| #23 PeaceableGhost[151173] |
| adsl-68-250-43-118.dsl.sfldmi.ameritech.net |
Well, mostly these days everybody goes metal against T and P, and M&M against zerg. Now, there are some truly creative players, but they're relatively uncommon... and you don't want me to BR the game of me getting killed by mass wraiths because I scouted, found my random opponent was a terran, and went hard kurkers for containment...
Do you? |
| #24 goldrush945[151175] |
| wc01.mtnk.rnc.net.cable.rogers.com |
| There's a reason. It's because storm and reavers both own the shit out of M&M, and regular Zealots and Dragoons in large numbers own M&M in large numbers. They're pretty much only useful in early game, in my experience. (gogo double rax acad rush 9/12 :P) Once in a while, you can surprise a Protoss with them and screw them over because they've not faced it in some time, but against someone who expects it... |
| #25 ahem[151190] |
| CPE0010b50f508e-CM00e06f16610c.cpe.net.cable.rogers.com |
Nobody reads paragraphs of 3/4 filler if they can help it.
Get to the point. |
| #26 deathgod[151193] |
| 166.121.37.8 |
| gd effort |
| #27 endersshadow[151197] |
| YahooBB221031240090.bbtec.net |
| Awesome flash movie; the song failed to grab my attention or stand out but overall it still made me smile. Nice report =]. |
| #28 choboPeon[151200] |
| ool-182faa3c.dyn.optonline.net |
ten, for having the nuts to use a three days grace song and feel like your report is good enough to then not be rated a zero because of it.
and it was good enough :) |
| #29 .Praetor[151205] |
| dhcp201.des.ucdavis.edu |
Heh. I was going to agree with Zergling, thinking about a 7 but probably an 8. Luckily 5 people have already rated your report :). To sum up my feelings: pictures good, writing needs work. Overall: Good.
The pictures were a little washed out (but I don't really care about that), and I think everyone's pictures can be a bit less cropped. But they showed the battles fairly well, you had some good action shots (wraiths getting clipped by storm is always good), and high-quality minimaps really enhance a report.
The writing, eh. I guess it's a style thing. After all, Johnny liked the writing. Your writing had substance, in that it relayed the action well. But it felt a bit clumsy and it seemed like you were using MS Word's thesaurus a bit too much. Things like a Nexus being incinerated seemed odd (firebats would have made it appropriate). Or tanks constanty being referred to as beasts, monsters, or behemoths. Of course, all this is less important than the fact you didn't forget to mention 12 tanks that suddenly appear like some reports tend to do.
One more thing: Albeit is not a synonym for however. You can't start sentences with it! Don't know why that mistake in particular really tweaked my 'bad english' sensor, but it did.
One strategy note: Visuliza should have teched to recall after the Terran took the middle. |
| #30 .Praetor[151206] |
| dhcp201.des.ucdavis.edu |
To clarify:
"However, Visualiza's empire now spanned two bases, handing him a valuable early game advantage: more booty than his opponent. Albeit, an early expansion meant less troops, and apparently, X-Con was well aware of this."
The minimum changes I would make to this little section are:
-Delete the However, and just start with Visualiza's empre
(You don't need the however as a tie in to the previous paragraph. I could go on for awhile about this, but basically people try too much to tie paragraphs together. New paragraph, new subject, no need to complicate things. Worrying about how writing flows generally hurts rather than helps. Writing seems to 'flow' when you clearly mention everything that needed to be mentioned.)
-Replace Albeit with However (they're not the same word)
-Delete apparently,
('and apparently' is a qualifier that is essentially a shorted version of 'I could be wrong about this, but I think' - as a reporter presenting the game you should make an effort to sound authoritative and knowledgeable. You won't be held accountable if it turns out X-con wasn't aware expanding early meant less troops. Sounding authoritative and professional is more a matter of deleting all the qualifiers that litter everyday writing and speech than it is bragging about your skills or qualifications.)
|
| #31 .Praetor[151207] |
| dhcp201.des.ucdavis.edu |
| Boy that last post didn't clarify at all :). Just to be complete, there are other ways to use 'and apparently', but that's how you were using it here. |
| #32 Shuriken[151209] |
| ool-182e1a3b.dyn.optonline.net |
heh. thanks for the english lesson praetor :)
(not being sarcastic or anything) |
| #33 maareek[151212] |
| mblt-ac069.gtcom.net |
For some reason, I always love it when .Praetor goes long winded on someone's writing. May be because I feel the same way or because I just love to read what he writes. Even when he's not talking about my work I try to take it to heart and I think other lesser-experienced writers should too.
It's always good to get help from more experienced writers, especially if they're one of the best on the site (never used an image and you can also follow along with the action in all of his reports, THAT is damn good writing).
Personally, I would give it an 8 for the quality of the pictures. The flash really didn't add anything for me but it didn't detract from the report either. Only quarrel I had with the pictures was that they seemed faded, but not annoyingly so.
I agree with Praetor though about the writing being lacking. I had a good sense of what was going on, but I felt like I had to infer in some places. I prefer to think as little as possible when reading a report :).
The game was, well, I may watch too many pro reps but this just didn't enthrall me too much. It wasn't a bad game, but, like EE said, mismatched. But the work put in made it bearable, and in fact, actually kind of nice.
In closing, nice work and get at it. And have a big ass comment from a comment whore. :) |
| #34 maareek[151213] |
| mblt-ac069.gtcom.net |
| *keep at it* even. 35th! |
| #35 [151219] |
| nr11-216-196-186-188.fuse.net |
Whoops, I just realized that I substituted "adjective" for "verb" in my first comment.
|
| #36 saboage[151233] |
| ool-44c25deb.dyn.optonline.net |
hey i fianlly read it :]
u used behemoth and shrewed a lot lol
otherwise it wasn't as 1 sided as i thought. Interesting-ass game the ending was okay. Definatly deserve ur rating :]. Btw what was i saying, oh yea u need more minimaps plz i like those a lot and hmm yea you dont have to use words like albeit and confuse the poo outta me lol . Excellent. |
| #37 Shuriken[151234] |
| ool-182e1a3b.dyn.optonline.net |
lmao sabo =)
thanks guys |
| #38 iNsOm[151260] |
| evrtwa1-ar17-4-35-147-045.evrtwa1.dsl-verizon.net |
| the protoss shoulda got a shuttle |
| #39 Sabotage[151267] |
| ool-44c25deb.dyn.optonline.net |
| haha no matter what toss duz terran own |
| #40 happy joy[151419] |
| 216-86-116-139.gen.pacificcoast.net |
| Way to be coherant |
| #41 The-Nut[151423] |
| ool-182e1a3b.dyn.optonline.net |
delicious report
|
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