| #1 Razadr[148669] |
| ip68-107-203-17.nc.hr.cox.net |
| 1st |
| #2 Some_God[148670] |
| ool-18b8c53e.dyn.optonline.net |
| 2nd |
| #3 Inoxx[148672] |
| rdu168-177-181.nc.rr.com |
3rd
Too Long didn't read.
Yeah for me! |
| #4 OverTheUnder[148673] |
| 12-205-134-226.client.mchsi.com |
| 4th:P |
| #5 TwistedNecro[148674] |
| lsanca1-ar54-4-3-193-255.lsanca1.dsl-verizon.net |
God, post something helpful instead of "1st," "2nd," "3rd," and "4th!" Anyway, nice story, good humor.
"Maybe we should help him, sir," the squad leader suggested.
"Fuck him!" The elected captain yelled, jumping up.
"..." The squad leader stood there in silence. "...Do we have time?"
Everyone froze in shocking silence.
LOL! |
| #6 Berra[148675] |
| h111n2fls32o814.telia.com |
| Bah, poor micro by the Zerg. :) |
| #7 Avail[148676] |
| c-65-97-24-49.va.client2.attbi.com |
Criticism?
-Jim Raynor's Memory is a map, be more creative with your titles.
-Mutalisks don't fucking talk.
-Dry humor (for me anyways).
-It is spelt 'bengalaas'
-Dry humor
-Did I mention dry humor?
-Wtf? DRY HUMOR!
-Earlier, you said a couple of marines survived. Later, "The five marine squads of ten marines each stood at attention before their elected captain."
-HOW DARE YOU DEFILE THE GOOD NAME OF JIM RAYNOR!?
-Siege tanks cannot rotate their cannons to that angle.
-Unrealistic compared to actual StarCraft =(
-Monty Python > you. |
| #8 CherryBlaster[148677] |
| CPE00a065cb0ceb-CM014100005949.cpe.net.cable.rogers.com |
About the comments on it being unrealistically compared to Starcraft - on my defense, I didn't want it to be exactly like Starcraft. It's a god damn fanfiction, I'll write it however I please, and in my fanfictions Mutalisks can talk and siege tanks can rotate their cannons at that angle.
It's dry humor. Okay. I have nothing to say to that, it's your opinion.
I'm sure you can criticize more than just ripping the title name from a map name?
About the statement of a couple of marines surviving - on my defense, that is a couple compared to what the probably had to start with.
I have no idea how bengalass is spelt.
And notice I said I was inspired by Monty Python. I never said I was better than them in anyway nor did I try to rip them off.
Besides, considering the length of my report, those points of criticizm are a mere fraction of what I wrote. |
| #9 CherryBlaster[148678] |
| CPE00a065cb0ceb-CM014100005949.cpe.net.cable.rogers.com |
| But I can see some of you actually read it, which makes me glad. |
| #10 endersshadow[148681] |
| ool-182d2f86.dyn.optonline.net |
| Don't mind Avail, he's just jealous he's never had the time to make a report tt. |
| #11 CherryBlaster[148705] |
| CPE00a065cb0ceb-CM014100005949.cpe.net.cable.rogers.com |
| about the report length, it seems long at first glance but it really isn't because a lot of it is just cheesy dialogue. |
| #12 {DD}Fatboy[148711] |
| adsl-64-171-188-243.dsl.snfc21.pacbell.net |
Hahahaha, I stopped reading after this:
"God damn it!" one of the Mutalisks yelled. "Who's stupid idea was it to send us out here with out cloak detection?" |
| #13 BlueRibbon[148712] |
| 65.167.44.41 |
Avail I love you and you are 100% correct!!
1)MUTALISKS DON'T TALK! THEY JUST SAY "BLAFGHFFGS!"
2)IT IS "BENGALAAS!" YOU CRETAN!
3)YOUR MOTHER WAS A HAMPSTER AND YOUR FATHER SMELT OF ELDABERRIES! (<3 Monty Python) |
| #14 CherryBlaster[148715] |
| CPE00a065cb0ceb-CM014100005949.cpe.net.cable.rogers.com |
1) obviously you didn't read a word i said.
2) maybe you should have told me sooner, and it's one word and a mistake by one letter, oooo, it's going to make one hell of a difference.
3) ;( |
| #15 striz[148718] |
| CPE0007e95ea1fa-CM013050003852.cpe.net.cable.rogers.com |
I stopped reading after this line:
"God damn it!" one of the Mutalisks yelled. "Who's stupid idea was it to send us out here with out cloak detection?" The Mutalisk added, before being obliterated.
not only did you manage poor grammar, fragmented sentencing and religious slurs in one quote, you also killed blizzard ideologies. they never have, never will talk.
gg, sry man. |
| #16 TwistedNecro[148719] |
| lsanca1-ar54-4-3-193-255.lsanca1.dsl-verizon.net |
| C'mon guys, it's not that bad! I thought it was good. Some problems here and there, but who cares? It was readable. |
| #17 CherryBlaster[148723] |
| CPE00a065cb0ceb-CM014100005949.cpe.net.cable.rogers.com |
| okay, yah, you hoodlums, all you're doing is criticizing one sentence where i actually let a mutalisk talk. big deal. move on motherfuckers. |
| #18 OverTheUnder[148724] |
| 12-205-134-226.client.mchsi.com |
Well I actually read it and it was ok if only because it was about starcraft, but this made it for me:
"Maybe we should help him, sir," the squad leader suggested.
"Fuck him!" The elected captain yelled, jumping up.
"..." The squad leader stood there in silence. "...Do we have time?"
Everyone froze in shocking silence.
LOLOLOL yep...good stuff:D |
| #19 BlueRibbon[148728] |
| host12.mvsd.com |
Stop bitching. When you make a major mistake (making mutalisks talk, eatting crayons, putting tic tacs up your nose), you're going to get critized about it. Get over it.
=} |
| #20 CherryBlaster[148743] |
| CPE00a065cb0ceb-CM014100005949.cpe.net.cable.rogers.com |
| why don't you get over overcriticizing it? |
| #21 Slotham[148748] |
| 254.bng0103.bng.iprimus.net.au |
I didn't like it. It wasn't funny, the physics were all wrong and it wasn't written overly well. The mutas have well and truly been covered but there are many other mistakes. Also, don't give me the crap about how it's not meant to be exactly like starcraft, at least make it believable.
"Besides, considering the length of my report, those points of criticizm are a mere fraction of what I wrote."
Ummm, the points Avail made pretty much covered your whole report. You aimed for the constant humor that Monty Python achieves and you fell well short. The writers from Monty Python are extremely intelligent, do more than one draft and they might possibly put their work through a spell check at least once.
Please, do try again but move away from the attempted Monty Python humor. It really wasn't a good read but you could do well with a serious fan-fic.
5 |
| #22 Avail[148768] |
| c-65-97-24-49.va.client2.attbi.com |
| It's those crazy mutas :[ |
| #23 BlueRibbon[148773] |
| 65.167.44.49 |
| "BUHAHAHA I'M A MUTALISK! I JUST GLAVE WORMED YOUR MOM!" |
| #24 CherryBlaster[148774] |
| CPE00a065cb0ceb-CM014100005949.cpe.net.cable.rogers.com |
| bleh, fuck this and fuck you all, i give up. |
| #25 sum guy[148789] |
| cal58-3-207-96.dialup.sprint-canada.net |
dun give up cherryblaster i support ya
PS ur gonna pay me soon rite? |
| #26 RabidChicken[148860] |
| cache-mtc-aa01.proxy.aol.com |
| I didnt think it was too bad. No one has ever written something and not screwed it up a few times, especially if it was the authors first story. |
| #27 Raptor-Man[148865] |
| gateway.duluth.cpinternet.com |
Two points, both are mean, but the second is helpful.
A) It sucked & I want to be reimbursted for the time you just stole from my life.
B) Try writing it like a childrens story, use ... "Where the Wild Things Are", by Maurice Sendak or something like "The Night Before Christmas" as a format for you story? Then when done, write the whole thing over in english & have someone you know proof read it for mistakes - not to correct it, just to show were you are lacking - fixing it is your job. |
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