| #1 teh sucks[139096] |
| d221-216-96.systems.cogeco.net |
| 1st |
| #2 LameJoker[139098] |
| pool-129-44-10-132.alb.east.verizon.net |
much better than your last one...
in more than one respect.... |
| #3 BiGROoSTeR[139100] |
| pcp02936415pcs.dalect01.va.comcast.net |
| well didnt read, pic at end, all that matters. |
| #4 AvaiL[139102] |
| c-24-30-250-7.va.client2.attbi.com |
| Nice read |
| #5 Sorbent[139103] |
| AKCF3-GGI.xtra.co.nz |
| Pic at end, the best part, but the rest was good to... interesting |
| #6 Manius[139107] |
| ga-cmng-u2-c5c-140.cmngga.adelphia.net |
| Glad you guys like it so far. I think the added detail did it all. =D Thanks for the comments. |
| #7 Manius[139108] |
| ga-cmng-u2-c5c-140.cmngga.adelphia.net |
| Oh, and omfg, that girl is so goddamn hot, isn't she? Lol |
| #8 TIME is not on YOUR SIDE[139110] |
| 209-234-160-70.gen.twtelecom.net |
| omg im so sick of people adding hot girls at the end of their reports just to get publicity. for fucks sake, stop it. We arent mindless sex perverts! ...are we? |
| #9 2Cautious[139111] |
| adsl-68-23-178-189.dsl.chcgil.ameritech.net |
Time has a point here. Anyway, pretty good, although maybe more details. I mean, you hardly mention the type of training, & then @ age 14 he goes off & kills a bunch of people with his rifle (including the guy who brought him there) & more with his bomb. Seems a little hard to believe w/o details of training. Oh well.
7-8 |
| #10 Narcotik[139114] |
| dialups-552.palmer.mtaonline.net |
| well I am a mindless sex pervert.. or so says my gf |
| #11 NotJim[139116] |
| prx3.act.schools.net.au |
LOL!
Anyway, nice story. 7 I'd say, defintely gold. GJ! |
| #12 Manius[139119] |
| ga-cmng-u2-c5c-140.cmngga.adelphia.net |
| I think Time's complaining cause he wants us to post guys on our reports. Anyone agree? |
| #13 Andris[139121] |
| cache-ntc-aa02.proxy.aol.com |
| pointless jibberish, good job in you're degenerative writing skills, maybe next time you can tell me what percent increase you had in pimple density on your face. Learn to write in one style and stick with it. Also quit adding so much corny ass drama in it made me sick. |
| #14 NotJim[139124] |
| prx3.act.schools.net.au |
| sad |
| #15 RubiksCube[139137] |
| p50819DF4.dip.t-dialin.net |
| How are his eyes "icy blue", if they are replaced by binoculars? |
| #16 Manius[139139] |
| ga-cmng-u2-c5c-140.cmngga.adelphia.net |
| Because, I would assume, that the optical implants would still have a color to them or something like that. But maybe I'm wrong and you've found a mistake. |
| #17 Timid[139140] |
| 198.134.2.2 |
It was decent, however not I didnt think the beginning was realistic.
A 4 year old child who has been trained like you said he was does not have any tendencies towards playing or "doing 4 year old things."
You are adding things from your perspective and the way we live today into a person who thinks completely differently(basically brainwashed.)
Just some constructive crit******
|
| #18 kinslayer[139143] |
| Toronto-HSE-ppp3684770.sympatico.ca |
very good fanfics, not as good as preators, but good nonetheless. As for time and andris, well they deserve a:
BAN
thanks |
| #19 Swiffel[139144] |
| ip68-14-142-34.ri.ri.cox.net |
| I enjoyed it, and I couldn't give less of a shit about what others think. I didn't read your other ones but keep writing along this series, and I'll read em. Good job. |
| #20 Manius[139145] |
| ga-cmng-u2-c5c-140.cmngga.adelphia.net |
| Again, thanks for all the support and constructive criticism. #18, yeah you're probably right, but I dunno. I just think that there is always a little part of every four year old that just wants to forget about everything and go and have some fun. But maybe I'm wrong. I guess it's just everyone's opinion. |
| #21 TIME is not on YOUR SIDE[139149] |
| 130.94.107.157 |
| You know who else had that mentality? Uh, who was it? Oh ya: MICHAEL JACKSON. Freak. |
| #22 TIME is not on YOUR SIDE[139150] |
| 168.143.123.67 |
| Counted! |
| #23 Convider[139152] |
| Toronto-HSE-ppp3662338.sympatico.ca |
| That was pretty good. |
| #24 AvaiL[139156] |
| c-24-30-250-7.va.client2.attbi.com |
Visit The Warsmith @ www.warsmith.org
Thx :P |
| #25 NotJim[140034] |
| 144.139.221.112 |
yep
Andris, Chris, TIME = ban thnx
Anyways, nice, dont worry if not gold . |
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