| #1 endersshado[137864] |
| ool-182d2de6.dyn.optonline.net |
| first nice girl at end ;) |
| #2 endersshadow[137865] |
| ool-182d2de6.dyn.optonline.net |
| sry but i still havnt read a single part of this. |
| #3 AvaiL[137873] |
| c-24-30-250-7.va.client2.attbi.com |
3rd
Nice story + girl
Gold :) |
| #4 Gimpler[137875] |
| 219.94.75.114 |
This would be torn to shreds in a Fan Fiction Forum. It had quite a few grammatical errors, and the story did not flow together. But you had almost nonexistant spelling errors, and overall a nice blend of action and speech.
Overall, well done.
6-7 |
| #5 ZerG~LinG[137879] |
| p457-14.ppp.get2net.dk |
| Happy Green Midget day to you too |
| #6 ZeaL[137880] |
| proxys.or4.marketscore.com |
| Go leprachauns! However you spell it! |
| #7 jimmy[137882] |
| prx3.act.schools.net.au |
Nice. Hot chick and reasonably good story = 7.5
-NJ |
| #8 jimmy[137883] |
| prx3.act.schools.net.au |
Happy Pattys Day too
-NJ |
| #9 2Cautious[137886] |
| adsl-68-72-86-64.dsl.chcgil.ameritech.net |
| (in response to most recent part) Hummm... well, IMO the battle seemed kinda easy for the Terrans... they hold out for a while in their bunkers until 7 siege tanks come along and blow them to bits. =/ Also, try to avoid repition. e.g. ...now the protoss had lost their commander. With the loss of their commander, they were forced to retreat... etc. |
| #10 Manius[137897] |
| ga-cmng-cuda2-c5a-104.cmngga.adelphia.net |
| #10: Yeah, it probably was a little too easy for the Terrans. I think my ending was way too rushed, because I wanted to end this fanfic. I'm starting up a new one, which SHOULD be better than this. Thanks for the constructive critcism, everyone. |
| #11 jimmy[137898] |
| prx3.act.schools.net.au |
Yeah, rather repetitive.
And dref it is NOT The Jimmy. He was a retard.(and please rate my report)!
-NJ |
| #12 Andris[137906] |
| cache-ntc-ad01.proxy.aol.com |
it was good... of course writing is still very amateur but you will get better with every PIECE you write, maybe try writing something thts not a fanfic,
you'll find you can do alot more with the story and not have to stay within the boundaries of the limits the original story established for you |
| #13 Manius[137918] |
| ga-cmng-cuda2-c5a-104.cmngga.adelphia.net |
| Actually, #13, you're right. I have another story that I am writing very, very slowly. It takes place in the Revolutionary period in America. It does seem to be better than the fanfics, so I'll write some more on that. Thanks for the advice. |
| #14 Andris[137922] |
| cache-ntc-ad01.proxy.aol.com |
| i guess i was a bit rash with your first fanfic... sorry about taht i guess i had a bad day |
| #15 jimmy[137939] |
| prx3.act.schools.net.au |
Thats a good Andris
and Manius, take your time. .Praetor, the best fiction writer on the site, took 2.5 #$#$@#%#$&&%()*%&#%&*($^
years to wirte ONE part!
-NJ |
| #16 Manius[137941] |
| ga-cmng-cuda2-c5a-104.cmngga.adelphia.net |
| I'm taking my time on this one. I haven't even started writing yet. Still trying to come up with a story. So, expect the first part of my next fanfic sometime in April. Thanks for you guys' advice and support. |
| #17 jimmy[137943] |
| prx3.act.schools.net.au |
GW
-NJ |
| #18 Manius[138062] |
| ga-cmng-u2-c5c-104.cmngga.adelphia.net |
| Could someone please rate this? Please? |
| #19 stacrafty[138145] |
| 210-55-238-229.static-dialup.xtra.co.nz |
I thought it was a good stroy, lots of action and easy to read, a bit simplistic tho.
good for a read while at work :) |
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