| #1 DarkRider[134996] |
| 198.134.2.2 |
Just read it.
Waiting for part 2
|
| #2 DarkRider[134997] |
| 198.134.2.2 |
| Did I mention 1st? |
| #3 ZeaL[134998] |
| proxy.ia3.marketscore.com |
1st
not a bad fanfic. |
| #4 ZeaL[134999] |
| proxys.ia4.marketscore.com |
| Maybe 2nd :) |
| #5 Mattkid[135006] |
| 208.181.176.226.lgisp.net |
Hehe, that's good.
But I did skip all the way down until the zerg paragraph :).
Matt |
| #6 SiG.[135007] |
| adsl-34-80-240.mia.bellsouth.net |
A lot better than my writing, I liked it a lot.
You use words 10x better than me, and your descriptions are godly. I'll have to learn from you ;o. |
| #7 Cowboy_bebop[135009] |
| ool-182d2b38.dyn.optonline.net |
The spinning, whirling heads mounted on top of layer after layer of thick, titanium alloy reinforced by the crystalline mineral developments protecting sophisticated anti-stealth, detection, and lock on technologies made up the primary defense visible around the huge, crash-landed behemoth battlecruiser.
???? there are like 7 descriptions in that one sentance alone, i dont even use 5 in a regular paragraph, wow you are god at english ^_^
See you space cowboy.........
Cowboy_bebop |
| #8 LameJoker[135012] |
| ip-209-23-0-204.modem.logical.net |
| yAy nice fic |
| #9 SiG.[135013] |
| adsl-34-80-240.mia.bellsouth.net |
Seriously, that's some extremely nice writing. Your details are so damn nice.
What's your AIM?
me: GodlyTerran
IM me sometime, yo. |
| #10 Convider[135015] |
| Toronto-HSE-ppp3660712.sympatico.ca |
wow.
just...
wow. |
| #11 -101st-Garand[135016] |
| cache-ra01.proxy.aol.com |
First off, I want to say THANK YOU for posting after Kaos. You have saved me from repetitive flame wars about a misfit cry baby.
On that note, I loved the story. The writing was very good, and I'll be looking forward to part 2 |
| #12 SiG.[135025] |
| adsl-34-80-240.mia.bellsouth.net |
"Very good" doesn't do it justice. Excellent, superb, magnificent would be more accurate.
How old are you? I'll feel like a huge retard if you're 16 :(
(I'm 16) |
| #13 Slide[135027] |
| AC9DEAFB.ipt.aol.com |
| Hurry up with the rest. ^^ |
| #14 -101st-Garand[135030] |
| cache-da02.proxy.aol.com |
Okay, so it's beyond very good. It's stupendous, grandiose, outstanding, and immensely exquisite. I'd think of more big words, but my brain hurts.
And SiG, I'm 17 :) |
| #15 SiG.[135036] |
| adsl-34-80-240.mia.bellsouth.net |
| I was referring to versetti = |
| #16 THE FAG[135037] |
| pool-68-161-57-88.ny325.east.verizon.net |
| HOly FAG! wow! i have only time to read half, but WHOA! |
| #17 endersshadow[135039] |
| ool-182d2de6.dyn.optonline.net |
I didn't quite understand all of the story elements, especially how you dug into the zealot's background only to kill him about 2 paragraphs later, but oh well.
excellent writing and descriptions though. |
| #18 lost[135060] |
| cache-ra01.proxy.aol.com |
| Cool, I thought when zealots went up in smoke they were transported back to auir to become dragoons, but i'm probably wrong. Nice job, keep pumping this stuff out. |
| #19 valek[135079] |
| ip68-106-65-18.lu.dl.cox.net |
| #16, are you really gay? |
| #20 -101st-Garand[135149] |
| cache-mtc-aa02.proxy.aol.com |
| A 6? What the hell? It was better than a 6. 8-9 material easy. |
| #21 SiG.[135183] |
| AC81325F.ipt.aol.com |
His attention to detail is just amazing.
But his punctuation and paragraphing and whatnot are atrocious. |
| #22 ins@ne[135233] |
| proxys.or4.marketscore.com |
| "Arclite 120mm cannons" Shit. Maybe it's just me but the barrel of a tank is slightly more 12 centimeters. Anyway, the story is pretty good, but I really don't think that you can create a fitting ending with just another part. All you really did in this one was just to introduce everything and stuff, you're gonna need at least need 2 more parts to end it properly. Plus, I really don't like unneccassery detail. Emphasis is good but you gotta know when to stop. This is a 7, imo. |
| #23 Chris[135235] |
| astound-64-85-237-118.ca.astound.net |
120mm is referring to the ammunition, if I'm not mistaken. If it doesn't, it should.
How did this get 6.0? It should be 7.0 at least, and I don't even like fanfic.
The one problem I had... Your sentences had TOO much description. I don't think the more words you use in a sentence, the better they sound. Try cutting them in half. Some of them run on a bit, or are awkward when read aloud. |
| #24 Sabotage[136823] |
| pool-68-161-59-242.ny325.east.verizon.net |
| last on this english major guy. |
| #25 Elijah[139292] |
| proxy.ia2.marketscore.com |
| I dont know what the hell is this. I was at yahoo! search and was looking for high speed for dial up and typed marketscore in the search. so they gave me a link to this freaking page. well, i think it's a stupid freak called "zeal" type "proxy.ia3.marketscore.com" for a comment. what the hell was going on in his brain? |
| #26 Elijah[139293] |
| proxy.ia2.marketscore.com |
| If you guys wanna check out my stupid website, it's at geocities.com/jayjay242424. In yahoo! Messenger...IM me in this ID, u can mess with me if you want, i dont mind...The ID is jayjay242424....bye bye |
| #27 Elijah[139294] |
| proxy.ia2.marketscore.com |
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| #28 Elijah Extreme[143077] |
| proxys.or4.marketscore.com |
www.elijahextreme.tk and www.elijahxtreme.tk site description:
Welcome to ElijahXtreme.TK! The Place to meet and make new friends, blog and chat,Promote your site, html help, tutorial on how to make a webpage, send comments, listen to Elijah's favorite music,haitian music, R&B, Pop, & Rap music, free for all, freakouts(scary stuff), know your roll, learn about some of the everyday useless facts, see Elijah's favorite funny Pictures, play games, read funny jokes, watch cool videos, and cool cartoon music videos of Dexter's Lab, PowerPuff Girls Etc. Place for Yahoo! messenger Lovers, AIM.
www.ElijahXtreme.tk - The Official Site Of Elijah Extreme, Make Friends, chat and promote your site |
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