| #1 :+:SlipKnoT:+:[115299] |
| h24-64-188-24.cg.shawcable.net |
| First |
| #2 Goldrush945[115300] |
| f-219-171-res.mts.net |
| second |
| #3 Freque[115302] |
| sdn-ap-009caburbP0757.dialsprint.net |
| 3rd |
| #4 xdragon[115306] |
| 64.128.98.81 |
| 4th! |
| #5 UltimateFire[115307] |
| spider-ntc-tb063.proxy.aol.com |
| 5th |
| #6 ImperatorP[115308] |
| h002078ccd7eb.ne.client2.attbi.com |
| 6th |
| #7 Black_Abyss[115309] |
| 1Cust65.tnt41.lax7.da.uu.net |
| 6th |
| #8 Black_Abyss[115310] |
| 1Cust65.tnt41.lax7.da.uu.net |
Argh, you bastard, I guess I'm getting slow and old.
Oh well 7th AND 8th. ;) |
| #9 Black_Abyss[115312] |
| 1Cust65.tnt41.lax7.da.uu.net |
| Wow this is one informative and consturctive comments section. |
| #10 Black_Abyss[115313] |
| 1Cust65.tnt41.lax7.da.uu.net |
| Wow again I'm such a comment whore! |
| #11 Black_Abyss[115314] |
| 1Cust65.tnt41.lax7.da.uu.net |
*Whore whore whore*
*whorewhorewhorewhorewhore*
****WHORE****
Ok I'll stop now.
WHOREWHOREWHOREWHOREWHORE |
| #12 huker[115315] |
| bgp559251bgs.eatntn01.nj.comcast.net |
| 12th |
| #13 Orcrist[115316] |
| CPE002078e0f4b2.cpe.net.cable.rogers.com |
funniest comments section ive ever seen. thx for the "constructive" comments ppl.
13th |
| #14 huker[115317] |
| bgp559251bgs.eatntn01.nj.comcast.net |
um, on the story now...
Your writing is a bit awkward, so the piece flows kinda choppily :O. There are a fair number of punctuation errors too, so clean that up next time.
and uh...this is just my opinion, but given how Teras was acting before I find it hard to believe he could switch personalities so quickly at the end:
"Stratus, Styke and Gorman again, walked into the command headquarters of Teras. Teras thanked them gleefully.
"If it wasn't for you, this city would've been screw over by an onslaught of protoss. My thanks to you Stratus." |
| #15 Orcrist[115318] |
| CPE002078e0f4b2.cpe.net.cable.rogers.com |
hehe yah. i couldnt think of a proper ending, so i ended it like that. =[
15th |
| #16 Orcrist[115319] |
| CPE002078e0f4b2.cpe.net.cable.rogers.com |
so my writing's different from other peoples'... erm... so what? =[
16th |
| #17 huker[115320] |
| bgp559251bgs.eatntn01.nj.comcast.net |
| yoyo...different's good...but I mean that some of your sentences don't "connect" properly, so it was a bit hard to read. There are many pairs of sentences in your story that would work better if they were combined into one, etc. |
| #18 Orcrist[115322] |
| CPE002078e0f4b2.cpe.net.cable.rogers.com |
| ahh, i get it now. thx for the comments. |
| #19 Zorgb0t![115331] |
| h24-65-212-228.cg.shawcable.net |
| Wow. I really liked this story. It's not often I actually sit threw an entire written report which such length like this one. The action that you introduced to the story really got me going. My favorite part is when they blow the city with the nuke and destroy the investation. |
| #20 ruski[115333] |
| proxy.txc.net.au |
i liked the story but the ending sucked shoulda made it that teras died and stryke became commander
|
| #21 Mattkid[115337] |
| 209.53.21.117 |
| I'm with Zorgb0t on this one |
#22  [115347] |
| St-Catherines-ppp112467.sympatico.ca |
| Not all that bad. Little things like "city would have been screw over" ( should be screwed ) annoyed me a bit . . . also, things like "completely obscuring the sky" ( referring to the wraiths ). Obscuring just doesn't seem like quite the right word. Sorry if I'm picky but I'm just trying to offer some constructive criticism ;). Your dialogue was rather good . . . the curses and crude language actually helped alot. The end wasn't that great, however . . . I'm throwing down a 7. Nice gayass title ;) |
| #23 vincible[115435] |
| roam155-218.student.harvard.edu |
My main problem is that it makes no sense. Ridiculous things happen. You don't just walk in on the leader of a city with armed soldiers--leaders have guards or at least locked doors to keep the rifraff out. If the commander is in charge of a big army, then what's he doing out in the field? Why does Styke of all people get praised at the end when he didn't do anything in the battle? etc. etc. etc.
Don't get me wrong... it's not bad. It fulfills the basic requirement of being written in proper English, which seems to be enough to get a 5. And it's got some nice ideas. |
| #24 Puma5000[115514] |
| 216-55-164-139.dsl.san-diego.abac.net |
Down with fanfiction!
Unless you're Praetor. cuz he's so sexy :) |
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