| #1 Keanu_Reaver[111384] |
| max01-dynamic-64-65-141-224.sea.eschelon.com |
alright, this was probably the most difficult of the parts to write mainly cause i was distracted most the time :( so go easy on grammar critique
anyway, hope ya enjoy, ill try and get the next part out next weekend |
| #2 mick[111385] |
| 1Cust44.tnt10.bne1.da.uu.net |
| gw |
| #3 triped[111395] |
| 63.85.132.17 |
| It's all about clicking on the comments link and not the report itself. =] |
| #4 Amoeba_Boy[111398] |
| spider-mtc-tk071.proxy.aol.com |
Just as good as all the others
Only one thing confused me, why did James betray the general? |
| #5 striz[111407] |
| CPE00a0cc2d2b10.cpe.net.cable.rogers.com |
| beauty |
| #6 RubiksCube[111444] |
| cache2.shlink.de |
While I am able to read that long without getting distracted from the text, I also know there are lots of people who don't. Some little pictures would compliment your stories and give a nice break from the text.
If you can't draw yourself, simply ask an artist friend of yours or any artist on the net, like for example in br.com forum or such. Or simply steal some pics away from other sites or make staged screenshots. A nice title pic for your story would be great, too.
But since this is pure fan ficion, pictures would have nothing to do with the rating, it would just compliment it.
Your writing is excellent, in my opinion, so I'll go with the 8, too. |
| #7 Me[111453] |
| sdcax59-136.dialup.optusnet.com.au |
Ooooooo!!
Nice
give this a 9!! |
| #8 Keanu_Reaver[111458] |
| max01-dynamic-64-65-141-224.sea.eschelon.com |
yeah i was thinking about adding some pics in rubikscube, but it would take a while for me since im an html newbie, but yeah i agree completly i think they would be a nice complement to them
and dag, picking numbers was a bit difficult since in actual war fare you would expect to hear numbers in the 50,000's, yet in sc you hear numbers in like the 10's...so i went in the middle of them
and the reason james betrayed the general will be known in the next part |
| #9 RubiksCube[111459] |
| cache2.shlink.de |
| Do it with a lil' HTML Editor Program, like Word 98 or Frontpage Express. |
| #10 Twip[111486] |
| 0-1pool197-253.nas6.columbus1.oh.us.da.qwest.net |
No.. just read the guide (Help -> Guides, on the left).
My criticism:
Things happened so suddenly without explaining what motivated people. Like, for instance.. the old library is now missing 5 books, so suddenly a couple thousand protoss warriors decide, "Hey, let's all train up to run straight into the front lines of a terran encampment with scores of siege tanks!"
The heroes always run right into the front lines of battle, but never suffer any real injuries. It's like they cheated and typed "power overwhelming" before every battle. :| |
| #11 Keanu_Reaver[111489] |
| max01-dynamic-64-65-141-5.sea.eschelon.com |
well, the terrans attacked the dark templar camp first, and from zeltiors speach and how extravagent the doors to reiwens tomb were, i thought it kinda would have been self explanitory that looting anything that has to do with reiwen and the blood clan was a horrible act
as for the heroes getting injured, kelvena had her leg injured and was clawed up pretty bad from the second battle as you might remember and xaniir was nearly killed in the third battle had kelvena not healed him...really only zeltior has spent some time in the front lines without taking a beating, and once again, thats not by accident... |
| #12 SiG.[111495] |
| host-216-77-213-59.fll.bellsouth.net |
You are by far my favorite fanfic writer.
Your an excellent writer, I never get bored of the story, its easy to read.. You use nice words, I mean you dont use average crap, you use nice advanced words..
Anyyywaayyss... I was 100% entertained by your story, and the end was rather interesting, I'm lookin' forward for the next part :) |
| #13 Serious[111496] |
| h24-86-132-53.ed.shawcable.net |
Nice story Keanu :P You know a good story when it makes you wanna write.. or at least, makes ME wanna right.
now I gotta write part 4... or a new BR. But good games are hard to find. |
| #14 Keanu_Reaver[111506] |
| max01-dynamic-64-65-141-5.sea.eschelon.com |
"DIE FANFICS"
- T_Mac
i thought it was pretty funny i would see that quote right as i opened up the comment section to my fan fic :P
anyway, thanks for the vote of confidence everyone, second part should be coming out next weekend :) |
| #15 Anonymous[111512] |
| 216-224-148-36.thegrid.net |
| I know what happens next. Kelvana finds out that she was a test tube baby in Lab A. =O |
| #16 Keanu_Reaver[111513] |
| max01-dynamic-64-65-141-5.sea.eschelon.com |
| that would be the logical assumption wouldnt it anonymous? ;) |
| #17 Anonymous[111518] |
| 216-224-148-36.thegrid.net |
| Yeah, either that or she finds out she's got cancer |
| #18 Me[111519] |
| sdcax57-236.dialup.optusnet.com.au |
Or pregnant!
|
| #19 Keanu_Reaver[111524] |
| max01-dynamic-64-65-141-5.sea.eschelon.com |
| lol pregnant would be pretty funny... |
| #20 bevis[111534] |
| 65.119.102.117 |
no graphic
fiction (not a battle reports)
author name sucks
=
ban
|
| #21 Anonymous[111550] |
| 209-162-57-169.thegrid.net |
| Your name sucks |
| #22 Someone[111594] |
| CPE00010224c852.cpe.net.cable.rogers.com |
1000 zealots, 300 dark templars, 500 siege tanks, 600 goliaths, 600 dragoons....
WTF? Is this some shared bases game or something? |
| #23 stardust8297[111646] |
| sdn-ar-013casfrMP047.dialsprint.net |
| oooooooh wow... this part of the story i think was my favorite so far =) very interesting with the whole spying mission, extremely well-written as usual, entertaining plot line... and all this stuff about "laboratory A" intrigues me =P lol you guys are comin up with some interesting theories about it though =P sorry it took me so long to finally read this one =/ can't wait for the next part! =) very nice work keanu =P |
| #24 SpaceAlien[111968] |
| spider-ntc-tc042.proxy.aol.com |
| Your Stories are damn fun to read. If you can please tell me when does your next fan fic/Stories going to come out k PS:((((SpaceAlien)))) coming in 5001 |
| #25 oh wise one[118321] |
| sdn-ar-019casfrMP201.dialsprint.net |
never jump out of a tree with cardboard wings and expect to fly
today, if you are not confused, you are just not thinking clearly
don't talk to strangers
that is all for today, please try again another time |
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