| #1 John[103602] |
| adsl-63-206-93-251.dsl.snfc21.pacbell.net |
1st
|
| #2 Koh[103603] |
| h24-76-216-150.va.shawcable.net |
| I waited for someone to post 1st before I added my comments, cause I know people don't like the author taking it. Anyways, I know I said I would do a bunch of chapters, but instead, I just did one really big one. This chapter is literally the size of all my other ones put together. I think you'll all really enjoy this chapter a lot. |
| #3 [SM]Strega~F[103611] |
| proxy6.senet.com.au |
Hmm, that sort of made sense for what happened in chapter 3. However, when you say that this was a really long chapter, you are only partially right.
Look at the thing posted before yours. Go on, go have a read. See how big that scroll bar is? And now look how big your scroll bar is. See the difference there?
Aim for that length next time.
Strega |
| #4 [103618] |
| static24-72-19-241.reverse.accesscomm.ca |
| 4 |
| #5 stonecoldnewbie[103619] |
| 24.245.64.22 |
| stop posting |
| #6 Furoius[103624] |
| bal-ts3-2500.tpgi.com.au |
| Well I quite enjoyed it! Not the greatest fanfic ever, but still enjoyable!! keep it up |
| #7 Koh[103629] |
| h24-76-216-150.va.shawcable.net |
| Does everybody else here hate stonecoldnewbie, or am I the only one? He seems to like to trash other people's good reports and yet can't make shit himself. |
| #8 BigD[103630] |
| px2so.cg.shawcable.net |
Interesting twist, if a bit unbelievable from here.
A lot easier to read than most fics. I hope to see more. |
| #9 Jackson[103643] |
| client-151-200-161-80.bellatlantic.net |
| Don't be afraid to take your own first comment. It is yours for the taking! |
| #10 WarLeaderJustin[103647] |
| adsl-64-166-111-193.dsl.lsan03.pacbell.net |
It needs more sex scenes, like this context I pulled out of here:
"Just as I felt myself hitting the brink I yanked myself back from the vise of her flesh. The world seemed to move into slow-motion. Her face tilted up at me, again surprised by my actions. I began to jerk myself as fast as I could. My first spurt I splashed across her left tit and the second across her right, this time catching her hard nipple with my aim. Pointing up at her face I saw her close her eyes tight and open her mouth wide. The next jack landed square on her right cheek, leaving a lovely trail down to her chin and the one to follow mirrored it on her left. Still spurting out copious quantities of cum the next load landed on her nose and upper lip. I'd intended the next shot to be in her mouth, but she moved up to try to catch it (I guess she figured I'd missed high instead of being right on target) and it landed on her chin, spreading slowly down her neck."
Hope that helped! |
| #11 SCV~007[103648] |
| h155n2fls33o984.telia.com |
| If you need me I'll be in the bathroom. |
| #12 Twip[103649] |
| dhcp065-024-133-099.columbus.rr.com |
| Kinda an interesting storyline.. I think the reason I like this is because, influenced by this, I'm seeing the potential to make a really great fanfic that'd get sick ratings. I just might do that... |
| #13 Squad[103652] |
| h000094c7d4a8.ne.mediaone.net |
| this was better than the other one. and you followed up with this chapter from the last one nicely. you had me thinking they had actually made a miraculous escape. so just aim for the length, or put more chapters in one report, and you'd be getting decent ratings. and dont listen to strega, he is trying to decieve you into writing a porn story, although you might get a better rating if you did. =P |
| #14 [SM]Strega~F[103653] |
| proxy6.senet.com.au |
How am I making him write a porn story? My only comment was about the length of the chapters.
WLJ had the "cum-face" comment.
Strega |
| #15 WarLeaderJustin[103654] |
| adsl-64-166-111-193.dsl.lsan03.pacbell.net |
| 10 dollars to the person who knows what story I got that out of. |
| #16 Shadow D'Arc[103657] |
| spider-mtc-tb033.proxy.aol.com |
And I'll be shooting that perv, WLJ. Very interesting chapter. Keep goin, and you better have chapter 5 up by sunday, or I'll kick yo ass, k?
Peace,
Shadow D'Arc |
| #17 Koh[103686] |
| h24-76-216-150.va.shawcable.net |
| Well, great news for all of you! Chapters 5 AND 6 are done! Chapter 5 is just as long as chapter 4! Chapter 6, however, is very short. You may also like to know that chapter 5 has a real steamy scene if you know what I mean:) |
| #18 stonecoldnewbie[103689] |
| 24.245.64.22 |
i jacked off to your br and ill do it to the next ok~
ok good
|
| #19 Squad[103718] |
| h000094c7d4a8.ne.mediaone.net |
| shit. whoops. sry strega. WLJ is the perv. =( |
| #20 Twip[103732] |
| dhcp065-024-133-099.columbus.rr.com |
It isn't that WLJ is a pervert, it's just he needs better material. :
(Not sarcasm, actually. ^^) |
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