| #1 UDontKnOwME[83229] |
| bsg-ma-cache2.icg.net |
That was my fan-fic PREVIEW. That was only a small beginning chapter. It is only a little taste of what you'll receive when I continue onward with it.
Thanks for reading! All comments welcome (unless you're calling my report a worthless piece of sh@t :) )
Have a nice day :),
UDontKnOwME |
| #2 Gookbapp[83230] |
| sc-24-165-93-1.socal.rr.com |
| to ME, it was ok. However, you CANNOT lockdown hydras. Remember that! |
| #3 HKRules[83231] |
| c319192.extern.lawrenceville.org |
| hi |
| #4 WarLeaderJustin[83233] |
| adsl-64-166-110-234.dsl.lsan03.pacbell.net |
| GJ, post right after Shockwave's awesome fan fic... ugh, sucks to be you. |
| #5 HKRules[83235] |
| c319192.extern.lawrenceville.org |
Well, DUH "Gookbapp", it did NOT say that Daniel lockdowned the hydras. It merely says that he shot them with lockdown shells.
Given enough force, a penny should be able to pierce an ultralisk's skin |
| #6 Scarab[83237] |
| AC861CD5.ipt.aol.com |
read shocks
lockdown hydras more too |
| #7 SoY~b0Mb[83263] |
| A010-1147.KRLD.splitrock.net |
| Dude...I'm glad I don't know you. |
| #8 Normandy-1944[83264] |
| spider-mtc-td021.proxy.aol.com |
"Just as he was about to order the drink, the attack alarm sounded. Daniel immediately put his hood over his head, and turned on his sensor arrays. He walked outside, with his gun in hand to only see about ten Hydralisks attacking a Bunker. He put his Lockdown shells into the canister, and shot about three Hydras. Then he walked back into Supply Depot, and ordered Julie her glass of wine. He knew that the bunker would be able to hold until some other on-duty Marines arrived. He didn’t expect what was about to happen after the small Hydra force was repelled… "
Errr....too much happened in 10 seconds. wow, I didn't know you could lock down hydras. And since when can a bunker hold off 10 hydras?! Man, this sucks for you. You know why? Because you posted it right after the most gosu fanfic of all time. hahaha. LONG LIVE SHOCKWAVE!
|
| #9 poipoi[83272] |
| proxy2.hawaii.rr.com |
| umm,you cant lock down hydras, and how do you just turn and walk away from the other 7? gj |
| #10 the()vermind[83279] |
| user-2ive7ja.dialup.mindspring.com |
| lol, lockdown hydras |
| #11 TrialByFear[83281] |
| 210.9.195.23 |
| Shitty =] How about sparing us the next 1500 parts to it? |
| #12 UDontKnOwME[83301] |
| bsg-ma-cache2.icg.net |
Ok, this is a preview. I just want to clear a few things up before I go on with the next part:
1. This IS a PREVIEW. I have intentionally shortened several things.
2. I completely forgot that Lockdown doesn't affect Hydras :(.
3. About the bunker. When I wrote this report (suspecting the Hydras to be lockdowned), I thought that the number of attacking Hydras would be reduced to 7, not 10. A bunker can hold these numbers for a while, until backup arrives. The "on-duty marines" would have not taken long to get to the area.
4. Daniel has always been cool in the face of fire. That was what I was trying to say. He knew the small threat would be easily quelled.
5. I thought Shockwave's gosu report would might be able to boost my score a little with it's goodness.
6. This is NOT going to contain about 20 parts to it. more like 5-10 (maybe)
Thanks for backing me up HK :). I hope that clears up a few things.
Have a nice day :),
UDontKnOwME
|
| #13 Scarab[83305] |
| AC8EED15.ipt.aol.com |
um no
|
| #14 UDontKnOwME[83312] |
| bsg-ma-cache2.icg.net |
| Well, too bad Scarab |
| #15 TheiverIV[83353] |
| spider-wg012.proxy.aol.com |
Daniel seems to walk everywhere, doesn't he? He walks out to face the attack, lockdowns 3 hydras, and walks back in. He walks away from the zerg base when the nuke is coming down, then walks a little faster just to make sure. Even if you are "cool in the face of fire" you're going to run somewhere.
Personally, I really didn't like this. Not because it was a fan-fic, I like fan-fics, but I thought this was pretty bad. As Normandy said, too much happened in 10 seconds. |
| #16 UDontKnOwME[83362] |
| bsg-ma-cache2.icg.net |
| Theiver, it's kinda hard to remain stealthy when you're running, isn't it? Plus, this was a preview chapter. Being stealthy is a ghosts' job. They're assasins. |
| #17 Genesis[83370] |
| ubr-26.98.113.pinecastle.cfl.rr.com |
Well i think it was pretty good for the most part. You shoulda made it a little bit more dramatic tho, the description at first was really cool helped paint the image for me but they pretty much went after that. I think the nuke drop coulda been a bit more dramatic again like "he turned away and started to make his way back to base camp, sliging his rifle over his shoulder. He was happy for his Ocular implants as now he could paint the area from a safe distance. In the distance the night are was breifly illuminated as the little bit of hell struck the earth(as in ground not planet). He picture the drones getting turned inside out, their guts splattering over the minerals and the hatchery following suit, but leaving a nice crater in the ground it had infested. He felt the slight force push him forward and he knew the deed was done..." and on from their...Sorry i went a bit overboard =) But you got the idea =)
~Genesis |
| #18 ~()Planeswalker()~[83429] |
| bgm-24-95-144-133.stny.rr.com |
Theiver, ghosts were like born and raised to fight so they should be able to remain calm through just about everything
|
| #19 Franklin James[83459] |
| spider-tp051.proxy.aol.com |
| Holy shit you motherfucker..this fanfic is a piece of crap. Your facts are messed up, the story sounds to repitious by saying things like "Daniel walked in, Daniel walked out", you repeat things too much. |
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