| #1 Monty Pylon[81517] |
| gateway.Culinary.EDU |
OK, people let us try this again. This is the second book of The Starcraft Chronicles taking place five years after my last Book. Dref this is 5 pages long and not a run through. I guarentee to have many more chapters so look out.
Damn the man, save the Empire!
Monty Pylon |
| #2 Khas'andro[81521] |
| ool-18bc02ed.dyn.optonline.net |
Haha 2nd =P
This one is good, but you stole the testicles part from what I tell everyone who pisses me off |
| #3 Monty Pylon[81523] |
| gateway.Culinary.EDU |
| The line is from Con Air when the plane guard is talking to the inmates. |
| #4 Monty Pylon[81528] |
| gateway.Culinary.EDU |
| Don't quite follow what you mean??? Gave away the ending??? Duran is just being evil and thinking of what could happen if all goes to plan. Got your E-mail and whatever is easiest for you is fine by me. |
| #5 GriFFiN[81529] |
| spider-ti044.proxy.aol.com |
| Nice work man |
| #6 ...[81535] |
| 24-240-44-88.hsacorp.net |
| Much better than your previous reports by far. Good job. If raters are in a good mood this could get a pretty high score |
| #7 awe 6[81559] |
| proxy3-external.pinol1.sfba.home.com |
| not bad at all. by itself its confusing to see duran trying all that but that actually would be a good opener for sc2 if blizzard is given a sign from God (no tripping, it would incorporate well into a new conflict, since people might be tired of the "zerg zerg zerg this and zerg zerg zerg that" stuff from brood wars, duran would proabably be a better villain than kerrigan imho). anyhoo, keep up the great idea! :D |
#8  [81590] |
| 208.196.35.239 |
I thought this well written right up until the last paragraph, then I think you got a little sloppy. If this was truly just chapter 1 then you really shouldn't have given away so much.
Other than that, this was a solid effort. On a technical note, you need to work on the spacing between your paragraphs, that is getting annoying. 7.
Cheers,
Dref
|
| #9 Monty Pylon[81591] |
| gateway.Culinary.EDU |
| Just out of curiosity, what is wrong with my spacing and how could it be corrected??? |
| #10 [81593] |
| 208.196.35.239 |
2-3 lines between paragraphs? 1 line would be sufficient imo.
Dref |
| #11 -=Forsaken=-[81597] |
| c114217.upc-c.chello.nl |
| Nice Yo~~ Damn this is good just like the first book, damn keep em comming :) This is VERY well written, and I don't get annoyed by paragraphes..... But who cares. I'm interesting and waiting for the next chapter :) |
| #12 UDontKnOwME[81602] |
| spider-wj084.proxy.aol.com |
Monty, to much suspense (although you can't have to much :) ). I can't take it! Hurry up with the next piece! Too much info at the end. Shouldn't have let us on to Duran's entrance. Great report though.
Have a nice day,
UDontKnOwME |
| #13 Penguin[81608] |
| host62-172-88-233.host.btclick.com |
| It was really good until you told us it was Duran, you should have left that till next chapter. But overall, its good, and i want the next chapter soon, please make it as good as this one. |
| #14 ShaunX[81620] |
| spider-ti024.proxy.aol.com |
Monty you sly devil you...
For any of you who don't understand where this is going, play level 9 of the Zerg BW Missions, and turn on invincibility. Turn it off after you kill the Protoss base and you will go to a secret mission. This is pretty much a mission where Zeratul finds the first Hybrid Duran makes. |
| #15 ~ZC~K@O$[81632] |
| 216.241.44.88 |
wow that was amazingly great monty. I lovedddd the begining especially. And i agree with all the rest, last paragraph=no good TT. I figured out it was duran when u said that zeratul disapeared lookin for duran. It woulda been better though, if u waited till next chapter to tell me that i was right, keep me in suspense a bit more =) otherwise great great piece. and i think dref means when u do dialouge u got lotta space between things, and only 1 space needed.
Peace
-kaOs |
| #16 Death's Servant-TPF-(ASP)-[81644] |
| cr926028-a.rct1.bc.wave.home.com |
| I already knew that Duran was up to something. It wasn't the protoss, the terran, nor the zerg, the dark templar didn't fit, so by the process of elimination Duran is the one left. |
| #17 ThieverIV[81852] |
| spider-wo032.proxy.aol.com |
GAHHHH every time I'm about to start posting my own fan-fic Monty has to come along and post a better one, forcing me to wait till it's done and then about a week, by which time he comes out with another series!
I would kill him if they weren't so damn good. |
| #18 PraetorOfAuir[81912] |
| 202.188.200.37 |
| Pretty good, and tho many people hated the last part, i kinda liked it.. "All hail the new Creator. All hail Duran" that sounded really.... like official |
| #19 4177[97278] |
| spider-wq024.proxy.aol.com |
| You suck!! Go to Hell now, bitch! ANd up yours. |
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