| #1 DaBomb[69038] |
| p128.netwood.net |
| 1st with style. |
| #2 cutter[69039] |
| h145-137.tokyu-net.catv.ne.jp |
2nd and there's no denial
|
| #3 WickedPirate[69040] |
| pm000.osg.net |
| 3rd. ugh |
| #4 DivvyO[69042] |
| 162.119.232.100 |
Give us a hook. Something that will help us read the story. Nobody wants to read a history lesson. Currently the only thing that kept me going was "how many weird ASCII characters are in this story?" I stopped counting. Are the next few parts actually have some characters as opposed to "boy those terrans sure are getting a beat down. wow zerg and toss own everything."
You also don't stay too far in with the SC universe, besides using unit names and whatnot. UEDRAF? When did the UED come under a monarchy? Did I miss something in the manual? "Former Stellar Person"? "Super Templar"? "Rhine Exercise?"
Didn't Daggoth die when the second overmind was destroyed?
Of course I have no leg to stand on, since I have never ever ever written fanfic. Hell I don't think I've even put out a report in 3 months. I suck. I'm sorry I criticized you. Keep up the good work. |
| #5 DivvyO[69045] |
| 162.119.232.100 |
| MY SPELLIN': BAD |
| #6 Snork~Dimmy[69046] |
| async198-per2-isp-1.nas.one.net.au |
| 6th with skill |
| #7 {~Ascension~}[69051] |
| 162.rochelle-park-03-04rs16rt.nj.dial-access.att.net |
| 7th-a newbie! |
| #8 Shadow~Skull[69054] |
| drproxy1.proxy.lucent.com |
| 8th- I wanna be an newbie, like no other newbie can be. |
| #9 [bad]derek[69055] |
| spider-mtc-tc043.proxy.aol.com |
Second non-spammer-moron-newbie and i would just like to say intelligent for once.
I agree with DivvyO on like almost everything, but your stories aren't that bad. I think this recent one ended way too soon, it had no conclusion, and really I couldn't tell if you knew anything about starcraft other than the names of the units. Ok, zerg, with 5,000 mutas and 10,000 ground troups? Terran ground troups 40,000? No matter how old the fleet is the ground troups win it for the terran, and the toss aren't even a factor. Try to insert some tactics here or there, or tell whoever is writing this to actually play some SC and do some BRs.
oh yeah and i need a blow job.
badly. |
| #10 -citizenkane-[69056] |
| c209662-a.haywd2.sfba.home.com |
| Tenth! Boo to all you single-digit ppl! Bwahaha |
| #11 WarLeaderJustin[69057] |
| spider-mtc-tb081.proxy.aol.com |
Good lord, everyone knows only I can grab 1st with style.
Nice fan fiction, but action is a lot easier to write and read than just narrative text. You have a good plot, just don't make it too 3rd person.
-WLJ |
| #12 Shadow~Skull[69063] |
| drproxy1.proxy.lucent.com |
| Well derek you certenly showed us your mad intellectual skills bye saying intelligent. maybe he wanted to not do it exactly hao the game is. Oh, bye the way, if you want a blow job you can come give me one if you want to so bad. |
| #13 shadow~skull cant spell[69101] |
| spider-tr011.proxy.aol.com |
| [bad]derek ownz |
#14  [69104] |
| 208.196.35.239 |
Not much here to work with. Kinda dry.
3
Dref |
| #15 [bad]derek[69194] |
| ihproxy1.proxy.lucent.com |
| hello im [bad]derek as apposed to [good]derek and i like to eat shit and suck cock |
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