| #1 blah[50366] |
| 63.210.199.30 |
| yay, first. |
| #2 blah[50367] |
| 63.210.199.30 |
one thing. can you put "fan fiction" in your title next time. Cuz I thot this was going to be a 3 game series with the first game on Showdown.
Argh, it was too hard to read for me. Looked like it could've been decent, but try formatting it like a story's supposed to look. Ie in dialogue each person's line should be on a different line.
"heya billy bob! ah'm goin' down ta the barn fer some sheep luvin' You 'a wanna be comin' too?"
"nah, jethro. i dun think ah'd be needin' dat there sheep no more. cusin' sue been blowin' me kisseys!"
"whoo hee billy bob! you got darn lucky. a woman!" |
| #3 Dr.Zchivago[50374] |
| proxy1-external.bremtn1.wa.home.com |
I told him that last time, blah.
Therefore I have to come to the conclusion that Monty Pylon doesn't keep a good eye on his comment sections and/or doesn't give a shit.
So, I guess I won't give a shit either.
Last report I read by Monty Pylon.
-Dr.Z |
| #4 BackStabingLiar[50378] |
| 63.239.42.130 |
"He is untested in battle, but will soon learn the fine art of war very, very soon."
this was all i had to read. |
| #5 Viper$[50381] |
| spider-wn073.proxy.aol.com |
<P ALIGN=center>Decent report
The story was OK
Follow blah's advice
The dialogue about the zerglings attacking was used in the last story too
Don't copy past to your stories
Be more original
<P ALIGN=center><font size=20><font color="red">T</font><font color="blue">e</font><font color="white">r</font><font color="yellow">r</font><font color="green">a</font><font color="purple">n</font><font color="aqua">s</font> <font color="orange">o</font><font color="lime">w</font><font color="silver">n</font> |
| #6 Viper$[50382] |
| spider-wn073.proxy.aol.com |
<P ALIGN=center>Decent report
The story was OK
Follow blah's advice
The dialogue about the zerglings attacking was used in the last story too
Don't copy past to your stories
Be more original
<P ALIGN=left><font size=20><font color="red">T</font><font color="blue">e</font><font color="white">r</font><font color="yellow">r</font><font color="green">a</font><font color="purple">n</font><font color="aqua">s</font> <font color="orange">o</font><font color="lime">w</font><font color="silver">n</font> |
| #7 i like Protoss[50405] |
| nas-23-75.la.navipath.net |
| where are the protoss? Everyone writes about the Terran and Zerg. Please separate the dialogue for earch person on a different line. |
#8  [50413] |
| csdi2-proxy.support.compaq.com |
Um I don't like Fan Fic much. They're not battle reports =[ So I won't rate this, and I'll let Dref yell at you.
Fox^1 |
#9  [50417] |
| rliv218.infocom.com |
Why you little #$@#$ #@##$ #@@# @!@$#$$^^&<i>!!!!!</i>
heh, j/k
Really dude, this wasn't horrible. Although I'm tired of reading fan fic, this wasn't all that bad.
One of the most important things you need to do in order to improve this report is to separate dialogue with paragraphs. Each time someone new begins to speak you need to do a line break. Otherwise the dialogue all runs together and you can't figure out who's speaking.
Anyway, take a shot at writing a battle report on an actual game of SC because I think fan fic is wearing out its welcome.
5
cheers,
Dref |
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